do you find yourself yelling at your kids and you just really want to stop doing that because
it makes you feel horrible in this video i'm going to give you several things that can help
you make a change and stop yelling if you are yelling constantly and you know that it's giving
a negative effect to your relationship with your child what it means is you're struggling
and if you're struggling something needs to change an occasional bout of yelling is going to be
happening with just about every parent it happens with me every so often and i hope that doesn't
make you feel full of guilt all you have to do is apologize and try to do better the next time
but if it's a daily occurrence and you're doing it all the time you definitely need
to change that so here's what you can do number one change your mindset
most of the time we yell because we're frustrated and we feel like we can't make things happen the
way we want them to or we feel disrespected and disregarded most of the frustration is that we
just don't know what to do at the moment and so that frustration boils over and we yell
but what if when our children misbehave instead of feeling frustrated we think differently we
think this is an opportunity to enact a plan that i have ahead of time in my mind of what to
do to teach or train my child to behave better in other words you train your brain to think
wow this is an opportunity i get to try this plan out that i have to try to fix the problem
rather than letting the frustration boil over and giving an outburst and yelling so again when they
misbehave think differently think this is an opportunity number two have a plan in order for
this to work you do have to have a plan in mind of what you're going to do about those behaviors that
trigger that frustration in you and cause you to want to yell now i know not all of the frustration
that causes you to yell is about the way your child's behaving but we'll talk about that in
a minute but if it is about specific behaviors that happen with your child it's good to have
a plan in mind so that when that misbehavior happens you don't feel like yelling you feel
like wow let's enact this plan so you have to have a plan obviously so in order to start working on
stopping the yelling first you need to think what triggers that with me and my child
is there something my child does a misbehavior a disregarding behavior a disrespectful behavior
that triggers my frustration and i start to yell and if you have something like that in
mind think about what plan can i enact the next time this happens now like i said before sometimes
the problem is you just don't know what to do so what i'm going to suggest is that you look on this
channel there's lots of step-by-step instructional videos for specific behaviors so let's say your
child won't eat their food or they talk back or they're disrespectful or they hit their brother or
sister or they're bickering with their brother or sister or whatever so what those do is those give
you plans so if you watch those videos you have a plan in mind then when that behavior happens
you're gonna have that thought oh this is an opportunity to enact that plan
number three train your child to behave once you have the mindset and the plan ready it's time to
implement it remember consistency is the key to effectiveness the yelling will not stop if you try
something but quickly give up and give in you have to be consistent to make any plan work as you are
implementing the plans remember this is a training session and it's not just about this moment and
stopping the child from the behavior for this moment but it's to teach them and train them how
to behave for all the future moments you're taking this time to teach and train them is well worth it
all this will help you stop yelling in the future number four set reasonable expectations one of
the causes of parental frustration can be that you have expectations that are higher than your child
is capable of reaching for example maybe your expectation is they'll never misbehave and if
you're thinking about it and you're talking with somebody of course you would say of course they'll
misbehave sometimes but then when it happens it always surprises you and it causes you to be more
frustrated you might think we've already talked about that i expected that to be done by now
just keep in mind that children are people and people make mistakes and they make wrong judgments
and sometimes they just do something wrong on purpose just because they want to so if you
keep in mind that your children will make mistakes and they will make bad judgments and they will do
things wrong on purpose and that's to be expected when it happens it won't be quite as frustrating
number five find time to relax okay so far i've talked about how we yell because our children
are misbehaving but sometimes it isn't about our child at all is it sometimes it's just that we get
weak because we're tired we are emotionally drained or whatever the case may be and so we're
short tempered and irritable of course that's a different matter
in that case your child might not be doing anything that's misbehaving at all it's really
just about the way you're feeling and i know i've had that happen to me and when i have had
that happen to me what i've discovered is that's a time when i've stopped taking care of myself
and i know a lot of people give the advice to take some deep breaths and walk away and all that and
those are good things to do for the moment but they aren't really long-lasting solutions to
the problem of being irritable because you're out of energy because you're overwhelmed the truth is
in order to be the best and most effective parent you can be you do need to have some time to relax
and to rejuvenate so don't feel guilty about taking some time for yourself
and if you think i have little children i don't have any time for myself i'm a full-time working
mom or i just have so many things going on and so many things that i'm responsible for
i don't have time for myself if that's the way you're feeling then i want to suggest that you
click on the card on the screen now to see a video that will tell you exactly what you can do
to get time to yourself whether you have little ones or not believe me this is one of the best
ways to help you stop yelling is to take care of yourself and give yourself some time to relax
parents you can do this check out the next video and i hope to see you here next week