So what's been going on in 2019?
Best moment for me was Boris Johnson becoming Prime Minister...
No it's not, that's not, that was the worst, literally the worst moment of the decade.
What was the best moment of 2019 bruv?
I tell ya what, the best moment of 2019 for me was the Tez O'Clock Show on channel 4
but let's not being self-indulgent.
Objectively, the best moment for me of 2019 was when England won the Cricket World Cup.
Ben Stokes, absolute hero man, I was gassed.
Prince Andrew had a sick yeah innit. (laughs)
That's very kind, thank you very much indeed.
Oi! This guy Jeffrey Epstein yeah, I mean, we all know he didn't kill himself right?
Who's interested is it in that this guy died? Hmmmmm...
tinfoil hats at the ready please.
Oh my God my personal worst moment of 2019 was meeting Boris Johnson's father,
the Prime Minister's father Stanley Johnson.
I said would it be better, would it get me on the Tory list for MPs,
if I call myself, as I probably could, Mustapha?
Why would that have helped?
Well because we were getting very ethnic.
The Tory Party was getting very ethnic at that stage, I can tell you.
Not helping and erm... and erm, fucking hell.
Madness, absolute madness.
Been a bad year for my guy Jeremy Corbyn.
The election man, how depressing was that?
I mean, some would say it all went downhill the night I took over Jeremy Corbyn's Instagram.
Ah, don't blame me innit, it's not my fault bruv, come on.
Come on Jeremy (shouts to screen in quiet room full of journalists)
(ITV leaders debate music intro plays out)
They don't like my attitude.
I think the real irony of Jeremy's loss was
on Christmas Eve he was out there handing out presents
whereas Boris Johnson, the guy who won the election, our Prime Minister,
jetted off to a private island in the Caribbean.
It's been a great year for Boris Johnson innit.
Finally got what he wanted.
We have some wonderful news from the UK:
Boris Johnson has been confirmed as the Prime Minister of the UK.
Forced Theresa May to resign.
Theresa May, let's be honest, will be remembered as one of the worst Prime Minister's that has ever lived.
Here is a woman who was presided over cruel policies
and when she cried on that doorstep of 10 Downing Street as she resigned...
...to serve the country I love. (voice breaks)
mmm, mmm, tasty salty tears, mmm (licks lips) no sympathy and that
but then you know, sometimes better the devil you know
and now we've got this guy the Antichrist Boris Johnson in, so we'll see what he does.
One of the saddest stories in our country this year was the London Bridge attack,
which was an absolute tragedy.
You had a young lad called Jack Merritt who was sadly killed.
This is the thing right, it's such a shame, there's absolutely wonderful people in the world
and in our country exists like young Jack Merritt.
Jack Merritt was a guy who was working very, very hard to rehabilitate prisoners,
to create policies that didn't demonise people for the rest of their lives if they commit a crime.
He was a guy that wanted to bring people back into the light from the cold.
His father spoke so powerfully about the legacy that Jack Merritt wanted to leave behind
He was exceptional person but probably more exceptional and I realised. (David Merritt speaking)
and it sadly looks like that is going to be trampled on by a government who are already announcing
tougher sentencing laws, which is everything that Jack tried to work against.
Jack would have been extremely upset at the way in which things were developing. (David Merritt)
That attack was very sad but also extraordinary in the fact that
ordinary civilians came together to tackle this bastard, to want of a better word man.
One guy grabbed a narwhal tusk! Bruv, I had to Google what that is innit.
I don't know what a narwhal tusk is I'm from Blackburn,
we don't have narwhal tusks in Blackburn innit.
You can't buy them from the market in Blackburn innit.
I was like what is this thing?
He came out and some guy had a fire extinguisher. That's a sick weapon you know
If you ever come up against someone just grab a fire extinguisher,
what can they do against that? Unless they got a gun in which case don't
but if they've got a knife or something, bruv fire extinguishers, you got range and that innit.
You can step back and (makes fire extinguisher noise). Sick.
Brexit's been dragging on innit, (sighs) like a bitter, bitter divorce.
I don't know, my guy's getting his hair blow-dried, hope you can hear me
but that's how a messy Brexit is.
Oi! It's been a big year for climate change you know.
I mean it's been a big year for climate change every year for the last three decades
but it seems like there's been a turn in people's awareness of it.
We had Extinction Rebellion in the UK blocking off roads, locking of bridges,
disrupting people's lives and stuff.
Greta Thundberg, person of the decade and that.
Man she's so sick. The way she's been going at people
and she has galvanised an entire generation all of Generation Z and the guys below it,
I don't know what it's gonna be called: Generation ZZ Top, I don't know?
She's like galvanised all of those guys yeah to care about climate change, big up to her man
and hopefully this will be the decade where we actually take action.
Notre Dame Cathedral got set on fire in Pairs.
Billionaires around the world came together and raised 450 million to restore the Notre Dame Cathedral.
How nice is that?
You know the G7 countries together, the richest 7 countries in the world,
raised 16 million to fight the Amazon rainforest fires. It's mad innit.
I mean one is a disaster for the entire world, the other is very sad but
ultimately no one's gonna die from it innit.
If the Amazon rainforest, once that's gone it's gone innit.
I think it'd be nice if over the next decade rich people put their priorities straight.
I mean the Amazon fires thing has been raging all year hasn't it.
It's not just the Amazon as well, there's been bush fires in California, there's been fires in Australia.
Oi the world's burning man. I mean literally but also metaphorically as well.
There are protests all over the world it's like the Arab Spring but like everywhere now.
It's happening in Lebanon, Chile, Iraq, Sudan, India, Hong Kong.
Like, it's everywhere, just the world just seems so upset right now.
There's the rise of populism on one hand and the rise of street-level protests on the other hand
and the two things are just almost clashing against each other man.
It is quite inspiring actually to see people all over the world rising up for their rights.
"We do not want to be governed by iron fists and the foot over our necks. We want freedom"
And then you got this rise of populism all over the world.
You got Modi, this fucking fascist in India
who's bringing in these perverse laws that disproportionately affect
Muslim communities in India that have been there for centuries bruv.
And he's not alone man: you got Trump doing what he's doing
and now you've got mini Trump in Great Britain in Boris Johnson
and Dominic Cummings being a shit-whisperer in his ear.
You've got people like Mohammed bin Salman in Saudi Arabia, he's a bad egg.
You've got Netanyahu in Israel, another bad egg.
This is 28 days later, this is the infection man. This is what it looks like.
I mean all those zombie films they're all just metaphors aren't they. This is what it looks like bruv.
We're entering 2020, a new decade,
love your families man, love your friends, squeeze them, hug them, hold them tighter
but also just volunteer in your local community innit.
Look in your local community, see what's going on. Where can you lend a hand?
Is it about putting on workshops? Is it about helping with food banks?
Is it about going litter picking?
What is it in your community that you can do to help make the world a better place?
Because the world is mad innit. We cannot get mad about what's happening
in China and India and Israel and Saudi Arabia and in Chile and in Hong Kong
and all these places and to be honest in other parts of Britain that we don't live in,
we can get mad about all those stuff and all those things are valid
but in reality we can't really affect those things, all we can do is get angry and it's not healthy
but what you can't affect and change is your own communities.
You can make a positive difference in the place where you live.
You can volunteer, you can get involved in local politics, you can... I don't know man,
there's a million and one things you can do innit, go out there and research don't be lazy,
I don't know where you live, I don't know what's going on in Darlington innit.
Just go out there and find out.
Listen, big up Double Down News.
It's a New Year, a new decade,
you need media that's not beholden to billionaire oligarchs innit.
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Peace, Salaam Salaam Alaikum. Can I get my haircut now please?