Oh, Butters, this is inappropriate for you! I'm covering your ears.
I'm covering your little ears.
(The sound of a pen scratching.) LOGO.
Hellooo everybody! It's officially the season of love, so what better time to discuss one of my
favorite facets of storytelling: writing intimacy! Do you want your characters to come across as
close or connected? Do you want it to seem as if they care for each other, or love one another, or
are IN LOVE with each other? That's exactly what we're talking about today! A quick disclaimer:
these tips will be phrased for romantic intimacy, which is intimacy within a romantic relationship.
However, many of them–if not all of them–can also apply to platonic intimacy, like intimacy within a
family or intimacy within a friendship. Intimacy doesn't inherently mean romance, at least not in
all ideations, so just remove the romantic element of these tips and they can fit into
ANY form of intimacy. Additionally, I will be referencing couples within this video. However,
these tips can also apply to polyamory. I'm breaking down my 10 tips for writing amazing,
heartwarming, squeal-inducing intimacy so that your readers get wrapped up in the
relationships you're writing and don't want to put the book down! Before we get started,
I want to give a quick shout out to Skillshare, who has sponsored today's video! Skillshare is
an online learning community with thousands of inspiring classes for creative people. They've
got classes in a range of topics from marketing, to illustration, to graphic design. And of course,
they have classes in creative writing. One of the great things about Skillshare is it's
curated specifically for learning. That means no ads! The classes are also divided up into little,
bite-sized chunks. We're looking at one to nine minutes, which means they're really easy
to fit into your schedule. Plus, they're constantly releasing new premium classes,
so you can up your game all the time! I am both a student at Skillshare, as well as a teacher. If
you missed the announcement, I recently released a brand new class on Skillshare all about how to
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way so you can tackle the process easily and effectively. I've also got a couple of other
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awesome book release! Whether you're looking to grow your craft or expand on new skills,
Skillshare has got you covered! Plus, they're super affordable; an annual subscription is
less than $10 bucks a month. However, I've got a special deal just for you guys! Stick around
until the end of this video to find out what it is! But first, we're gonna talk about intimacy,
‘cause I said so! Don't forget to subscribe to my channel! I post new videos on Wednesdays,
and if you want to be alerted as soon as I upload, you gotta ring that bell! That way,
you get ALL of my writing advice right away, ALL the time! It's awesome! And while you're here,
check out my number one best-selling dark fantasy romance series The Savior's Series! We've got The
Savior's Champion, as well as The Savior's Sister! I have them linked below, you should totally check
them out! And now on to my 10 tips for writing intimacy! Number One (1): Know the definition!
A lot of people hear the word ‘intimacy’ and think ‘sex,’ and while there is a definition of intimacy
that equates to sex, it's like seventh on the list. The main definition of intimacy is closeness
and familiarity. It means an affectionate or loving personal relationship, or some act or
expression of affection. The key words here are ‘closeness’ and ‘affection,’ so that's what
you should be focused on when building intimacy. On a related note, Number Two (2): Intimacy doesn't
HAVE to equal sex. I've heard the advice that if you're writing romance or romantic intimacy,
there absolutely has to be sex. That's some dumb, incorrect shit. While sex and intimacy are often
linked, they are not dependent on one another. You can experience romantic intimacy without sex
just like you can experience sex without romantic intimacy. The reliance on sex
to equate romantic intimacy is actually a really huge mistake in fiction, because sexual attraction
is NOT romance. You're just horny! Calm down. It may be hot, but heart-wrenching or swoon-worthy?
Not so much... This isn't to say you shouldn't write sex. You ABSOLUTELY can, just don't assume
that this is the key to creating intimacy. And DEFINITELY don't assume that you HAVE to
write sex. There are plenty of reasons a ship can abstain: asexuality, personal preference, comfort
levels, age. Maybe it's way too soon. Maybe it's inappropriate for the target audience. Maybe it's
not at all relevant to the story. Basically, sex is fine, but intimacy doesn't have to be sexual,
and it's not intimate if all you've got is sex. Right, Butters? Number Three (3): Create a bond.
Intimacy is impossible without connection, and connection relies on a strong bond. This means
it's not enough for your characters to simply know one another or share long glances across the room.
A bond goes deeper than that. It relies on shared experiences and feelings. It relies on a sense of
common ground. The easiest way to create a close emotional bond between characters is to have them
share vulnerabilities or vulnerable moments. You see this a lot in fiction because it's effective.
Maybe they're sharing life or death situations. They're both running from the same guy and having
to save one another's lives. But it doesn't have to be life or death stakes; it can be as simple
as them sharing their trauma from their past or their tragic backstories. Sometimes they bond
over a shared insecurity. Maybe they're both being bullied at school or they're struggling at work.
Without moments where all parties share an unguarded version of themselves, there is no sense
of closeness, and that is pivotal for creating a bond. Focus on powerful bonding moments and the
intimacy will be much easier to write. Number Four (4): Understand your characters. Everyone
expresses and receives intimacy differently. There are many people who consider sharing deep,
personal stories intimate. However, I personally don't mind sharing personal stories of my own
volition. It's not an intimate expression for me. What about you? You don't mind sharing kisses!
No, you don't! On the flip side, some people are super touchy. They don't mind hugging and cuddling
people. To them, it's not a big deal. I, on the other hand, find physical touch very intimate
and I am only comfortable sharing it with certain people. Like Butters! Your characters should be
the same way. They should be just as varied as the real world. As you create your characters,
you should get an idea of what they would consider intimate and how they would react to certain forms
of intimacy. Is sharing personal information a form of intimacy to that character? Why or
why not? What about physical touch? What about flirtation? What about sex? Everyone is different
based on nature and nurture, so figure out where your character exists on the spectrum that is
human individuality. Number Five (5): Show, don't tell. Telling absolutely has its place, but when
you're trying to build emotion, SHOW...don't tell. Intimacy is an area where it's imperative to show,
because your content will only come across as intimate if the readers can FEEL the intimacy.
You can't tell the readers, "their relationship was intimate," and have it automatically translate
into warm fuzzies. If anything, they're gonna feel ripped off. If you're ever at a loss on
how to show intimacy, think about how intimacy is shown in real life: through words of affection,
body language, and of course, physical touch. Something as simple as an embrace or tucking a
strand of hair behind someone's ear can get the job done. And of course, kind gestures,
or displays, or even facial expressions can go a long way in expressing intimacy.
Never underestimate the power of a soft smile, or flushed cheeks, or a grand display of affection
to get the job done. On a related note, Number Six (6): Avoid 'felt.' One of the easiest ways to show
as opposed to tell is to avoid writing the word 'feel' or 'felt.' That's not to say you should
never use it; it ABSOLUTELY has its moments. But if you are constantly telling the reader how a
character feels, you are destroying the sense of intimacy. If you catch yourself writing, "she
felt so close to her girlfriend," you are telling, and there are a handful of superior ways you could
SHOW this moment instead. For example, maybe she could reach out and hold her girlfriend's hand.
Maybe you can describe the weight of uncertainty being lifted from her shoulders, or the ease of
being in her girlfriend's company. Maybe this is the perfect opportunity for their first kiss. "She
felt so attracted to her." "She felt a bond to her." "She felt desperate to be with her." All
of this is telling, and all of it sucks. Number Seven (7): Use your five senses. Using your five
senses makes readers feel transported into the scene, and that is very important for intimacy.
If your character is involved in a particularly intimate exchange–again, this does not have to be
sexual–think about what their senses are tuning in to. We're familiar with comforting smells;
smells that make you feel safe, smells that remind you of something or someone you love.
Maybe your character is cuddling with their partner and smelling the coconut scent of
their hair. Taste is great, especially if they're kissing. Sight is always relevant; you can use it
to describe their partner's body language or facial expressions. For hearing, obviously,
you can use dialogue, but you can also describe the way the character is talking. Is it breathy
or excited? Is it soft or tender? Or, they could simply be lulled by the rhythm of their heartbeat
or their steady breathing. And of course, touch is so important to building intimacy,
as is the reaction to touch. Goosebumps, shivers, relaxation, ease. All of this matters! Tap into
your five senses and bring those intimate moments to life. Number Eight (8): Get inside
your body. This is another tip I give often when it comes to writing emotional content, and it is
especially relevant for intimacy. Think about how intimacy physically manifests itself in your body.
How you physically feel when you're with someone that you share a close, personal bond with.
And understand these feelings are going to be different for specific people and for specific
levels of intimacy. Maybe when a relationship is new, the character's heart is pounding,
their face is hot, their breathing is short and quick. But in an older, lived-in relationship,
maybe being with their partner creates a sense of peace and ease. When they see their partner,
all the tension and stress in their body releases. These sort of descriptions not only illustrate the
intimacy between the characters, it also creates a visceral and immersive experience for the reader.
Number Nine (9): Pay attention to dialogue. Intimacy, whether it's platonic or romantic, will
change the way characters relate to one another and especially how they speak with each other. I
speak to my fiancé completely differently than how I speak with my family or my friends, and I speak
to all of them in a totally different way than I speak with people I have zero connection with.
Different kinds of intimacy create different forms of communication, and I'm not just talking about
terms of endearment or flirting. Obviously, I don't call my friends 'baby.' Obviously, I don't
flirt with my mom. But there are some things I feel comfortable talking about with Cliff,
but I don't feel comfortable sharing it with other people. There are some things I go to my mom for
specifically, and there are some jokes I only make with my friends. This is the same in fiction;
every intimate relationship is unique. Using The Savior's Sister as an example, Tobias is
very protective by nature, but he's a lot more willing to be soft and vulnerable with Leila. He's
also goofier and more sarcastic with his friends, which is something a lot of people can relate to.
Think about how intimacy affects your character's personality, and thus, how it will translate into
the dialogue of your scene. And Number Ten (10): Know when to turn it off. Intimate relationships
are not ALL heart flutters ALL the time. Sometimes couples, friends, and family fight. Sometimes they
disagree. Sometimes they've got shit to do. That's not to say that intimacy completely disappears,
but sometimes I really need to work, so I tell Cliff, "Hey baby, I'm sorry, but I gotta write
this scene." And then I ignore him for an hour. The point is if it's all walking on sunshine all
the time, no one's gonna buy it. That's not to say you gotta throw in abuse or gaslighting
to keep things interesting. Please don't do that! Don't get it twisted, that's NOT what I'm saying.
I'm just saying if the character is dealing with the death of their mom or the impending
doom of the universe, this may not be the time for them to be twitterpated or horny.
Save the intimacy for times when the intimacy makes sense. Your readers will thank you. So
that's all I got for you today! Thank you SO much to Skillshare for sponsoring today's video! Again,
like I said, I'm not only a student at Skillshare, I am also a teacher. It is the perfect platform if
you want to hone your skills or create entirely new skills. Skillshare is super affordable, but
right now the first 1,000 people who click the link in the description below will get a free
trial of Skillshare Premium membership! That is a FREE TRIAL of Skillshare Premium, so you can
try out their classes for free! Including my classes...I hear they're pretty awesome!
But only the first 1,000 people who click the link will get it, so get to clicking!
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