- How is dating?
Cause now that things are coming back to normal,
do you use apps?
Are you in-
- Oh, I'm on so many apps and I gotta say, dating's bad.
(laughing)
- ♪ Happy Valentine's Day and all my love to you ♪
- What was your first date like with your wife?
- It was more like a takeover, so
- (laughing) I love her already.
- Exactly.
That's what every woman says that when I tell this story.
So, my wife, she basically told me
that this other guy was not her boyfriend.
So I asked her about him and she said, no, he's not my type.
He's not my boyfriend.
He's never been my boyfriend.
You're my type.
- Oh, God, aggressive.
She went right in there.
- It was the first time she ever said that to me.
And I was like, "Oh, okay".
- Yeah.
- So I think I called her the day after
and was like, okay,
so can we go out on like Tuesday night?
She's like no.
Okay. - Oh, just like no reason.
Just like, nah.
- She's like, "No I'm working".
I was like, "Oh, okay, great. Alright, I get it.
How about like Thursday?"
"No, I'm working".
She was like this,
"I have Monday off, that's the day we'll go out"
and I was like this: "Okay".
- Okay (laughing)
- I didn't know what to say.
I was like, (nervous laughing) okay.
- It's kinda hot.
She's bold.
I think it worked.
- I think in hindsight it worked.
- Yeah.
- I'd had like four other dates before
and none of them were that good.
But I started documenting 'em like for my own personal,
like self
- About how bad they were and funny?
- I would like go to the bathroom
and then I would document like, okay,
this is just not going well.
Like, I don't know what to do, I'm gonna call my friend,
I'm gonna send her the text,
where she has to call me and like do the whole thing.
So, did this whole documentation of that, put it on YouTube,
oops.
(laughing)
- Wait, were these people on there
or did you not say who it was?
- No
- Oh, I was like, damn, that's like worse
than a Taylor Swift song.
I was like, whoo, I was like, you just like outed him.
- No, but it was like really fun.
I was like, okay, this is fun.
And it took the pressure off the dates, you know?
Like it was like, okay, well I'm gonna like,
have some fun content, even if the date's terrible
- [Kelly] Get something out of it.
- And then, I think I met him because I was like,
just gonna have fun with it.
- Yeah, that's my favorite thing that people say to people,
that they're like, oh, just stop looking.
Everyone that's like single,
like all my girlfriends are like, who's not looking?
- [Hannah] Yeah.
- [Kelly] So, you've also got a book about dating advice,
- Yes.
- So what was your worst date ever?
I don't wanna hear the good ones.
- Okay, ooh, gosh, Kelly, there were so many bad ones
Where should I go?
You know, one time I went on a date, it was a first date
and he was trying to be fancy.
He got me on a boat.
And there was a lot of wind, and the wig blew off
- No.
- And I was like, and it was my good wig.
It was like my handmade good wig.
And I was like, bruh, you gotta go find my wig.
(laughing)
- And luckily it was like, laying on one of the posts
and we were able to retrieve it.
But it was like, yeah, that one didn't last too long, yeah.
- I have to say congratulations on the engagement news.
That's amazing.
- Thank you so much.
- So how did you two meet?
- We met online.
- Oh, really?
- On a dating app.
- Are you serious?
- I am, I'm serious.
- Okay. I have all my girlfriends are listening right now
cause everybody doesn't think that's gonna pan out.
That's amazing.
Look at you.
You're like a poster child for "It's gonna work".
- It's gonna work.
It's a good way to do it.
I mean, the truth is, you're sort of deciding what you want
and when you're ready and you take it seriously
and you can sort of vet people
and you meet people on Zooms
and you can see where they live and how they live.
Do they have dogs?
You know, you can get a whole sense of someone
without having to leave your house.
You don't leave your house until it's really worth it.
- Yeah. I love that.
Okay.
- I do have a cleavage hack.
- What cleavage hack?
Do you need a cleavage hack, cause you have a pretty nice-
I'm just saying.
- They nice in a good bra.
You take the bra off, imma trip.
I might fall right here in front of the audience.
Boom, right there.
- So, wait, was that...?
- So, what you gotta do when you wanna look twenty,
keep them tight,
I taught this to Sherry Shepherd.
- Okay.
- You put on a nice bra, your regular bra.
Then you get a smaller bra, put that on.
And when I tell you they bring you up about right here
into the chin.
So you put on two bras, a smaller one and your regular bra
and boom.
Now, you gonna pass out on hour three.
- But hang in there.
- You'll wake up
- You gonna wake up.
- You know, my mother always said to me,
things are gonna look better tomorrow.
And if you can take one day at a time
and things will get better.
And you know, I look back on it now and I think,
you know, if I hadn't gotten divorced,
I never would've met Joe.
I wouldn't have the beautiful family I have now.
- Yeah.
- So, I really think things happen for the best.
- I love cocktails.
Absolutely, yes.
- Have you ever tried alcohol in tea?
- [Andy] No.
- Okay, like a hot toddy, isn't that kind of like
what a hot toddy kind of is?
- Yeah, kind of, yeah, no, I haven't.
- Oh, it's really good.
Anyways. Well, this is, I heard that you like cocktails
so I thought that was-
that's a better first date kind of thing too.
Cause then I feel like people open up, right?
- For sure.
There's a Chelsea Handler quote in the book about just that.
She's saying, basically denouncing coffee dates
and I totally agree.
I like a boozy first date.
So you let your guard down and you kind of,
when you look at someone, I know,
you have to control yourself.
- Beer goggles are often-
- Yes, exactly, clear beer goggles.
- [Kelly] Do those exist?
- I don't know.
(laughing)
- How did you decide what pictures to post
and what to write in your dating profile?
Cause I feel like you gotta be honest, right?
Cause they're gonna see you, they're gonna know.
- Yeah, so I show the whole body
let them know that I'm a big gal, you know?
Well, my profile says I'm a thot
and then I say "The happiest out there"
- "The happiest out there"?
That's not what it stands for?
- No, I chose a different word for the acronym.
- I love it.
- Also, it says I love to tee hee hee cause I love to laugh.
And then I said, fat yet flexible
(laughing)
- You know, you just gotta let them know.
- Yeah, but you gotta be honest.
Right? So you do that.
I like that.
- So I do have a picture of me
doing a split on a hot dog, held by Guy Fieri
- Oh my god, I'm gonna be honest with you,
If I'm a dude or whatever, girl,
if I'm flipping through and I'm like,
that's someone I wanna date.
- Right?
- That's funny
She fun. We're gonna have a good time.
- She's fun, flexible, she loves Guy Fieri.
He's a great person.
I wish he was single.
He's not
- @HakunaFatumata wrote,
and I'm really sorry if I messed that up,
"My crush only uses Instagram to message with me.
He sends heart eyes emojis to me.
He hasn't asked for my number.
How do I convince him to take our relationship
to the next level and actually text?"
- You know, I think dating is kind of like,
also when you're looking for any job
or thing you want in life, you know,
you have to be unafraid to lose it
because then if you do have it,
you know it's yours and you can also just create boundaries
that help you do that.
If you're not used to being, you know,
strong enough to like, stay away from your crush.
So I mean, if it was one of my girlfriends
I'd probably be like,
"Well, take Instagram off your phone for a week
and tell him you're doing it
so that if he wants to get in touch with you,
he can text you.
And if he wants to text you
or if he actually is interested in you in that way,
then you'll know by then.
And if he doesn't,
you have to be unafraid to keep it moving".
- Boy, you got game.
(laughing)
- When you come, and you're on vacation alone,
you can kind of like, create anything you want.
And I ended up like meeting these two guys
that were best friends and I liked them both.
And so I told them that I had an identical twin
and I dated both guys.
(laughing)
For two weeks.
- What? That seems exhausting.
- I don't know if I would have the guts to do that now,
but at the time it really was the,
it was sort of a great decision because, you know,
when you're younger you just get away with anything.
- Oh my God. I wanna see that movie.