Hello, and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend.
Fine program for you.
Yeah. In this installment.
How does it work in podcasting?
Episode. It's an episode?
Yeah. Okay.
Do you know what you're doing?
I don't, I really don't know what these are.
You know, for years I'd say welcome to the show tonight.
Right.
Even that wouldn't apply anymore,
because now it's the streaming era.
So God knows when people are seeing things.
Right. But so much of my life,
for so long was, 'This is the show, tonight, folks.'
And now we live in this other world,
where someone may download this.
Good.
So far, so good.
35 years from now.
True.
And it should feel as relevant to them then,
as it does to us now.
To a certain extent, you know?
No, that's why I like to try
and keep these things evergreen.
I don't mention who's president.
I never refer to anything that's happened in the news.
I like
to say generic things like, Iran Contra.
well it sure is good that the human race still exists.
You know what you are? What?
You're the Top Gun Maverick
of podcasting. I am.
Because they don't mention the war
and even the enemy fighters
are called "fifth-generation fighters."
And it's the most benign, non-offensive enemy.
This is my favorite thing, I went to see the,
and I really enjoyed it.
I really loved movie. Me too.
It was really fun, but when it was over,
and the lights came up, I turned to my son,
and I said, "Now, why were we at war with Vermont?"
(all laughing)
Because it just intrigued me
that you don't know what the country is.
They don't really say, but it looks a lot like Vermont.
Yeah, snow peaked hills.
It's snow peaked hills and evergreen trees
and then my son was like,
"Well, they had a secret production facility
that was making maple syrup
and that's what we had to destroy."
So we were just riffing off that,
but it was so funny to me, like Vermont went and did it.
Yeah.
They threw down on us, we gotta go after them.
Bernie went rogue.
The bad guys in that movie, again,
it was so good at like, okay, they seem nefarious.
I don't know why
that country had such better fighters than we do.
Right, it doesn't make sense.
And I thought, no we spend a lot of money on our military.
I'd like to speak to someone in our war department.
Why do we have far inferior fighter planes to Vermont?
It just doesn't seem right.
When I went to see that movie, and when at the end,
it's not really a spoiler, but there is a point
where they end up in a classic F-14 fighter jet.
I looked down at my seat.
F-14.
What? Yeah.
Oh! In the theater.
Oh, I thought you were referring
to your cock as a fighter jet.
Wait, I -
That's what I thought you were doing, like,
I looked down at my pants. No.
What? F-14.
You dirty devil.
I'm confused.
What do you mean?
I was in the theater.
I was in row F, seat 14. Oh, your seat, oh, come on!
Wow, that's a- Oh God!
You guys, it was fake. That's an incredible story.
First of all, you're talk- I'm a top gun.
No, you guys are talking
about keeping this podcast evergreen,
and you're talking about a movie that just came out.
Hey, when I watched the first Star Wars,
when it was over, I looked down at my seat.
It was seat C-3PO.
Come on, see, this guy knows what I'm talking about.
Sona, get with this. Yeah.
Okay. What movie did you see
and you looked down in your seat?
Don't do that.
Well, please?
Don't make me think, I don't know.
What's the number?
Movie 42?
187.
(Sona laughing)
No, first you gotta think of a movie.
I went to a Blink 187
concert once. Blink 182?
Oh, shit!
You gave me hell about that one time!
You burn in Hell!
He said blink 187. Wait, what did I
give you hell about?
Yes, right now.
I got it wrong once, and you gave me hell about it.
I was doing a funny rift on how you got it wrong.
He got it wrong the first time.
No, I did.
Wait, he did?
I think he did.
I think I got it wrong.
I think that's the second, that's multiple times
that he's gotten it wrong. No, no,
Gourley got it wrong the first time,
and this was my clever callback to him getting it wrong.
No. No. Okay.
So I win once again. I'm sorry.
What's this? Oh, I'm getting an award.
Wow, Conan wins again award.
It's a tissue box.
I've won 750 million of these in my lifetime.
A tissue box?
Well, it looks like a tissue box to you,
but those of us in the know,
know that that's not a Puffs Plus Lotion tissue box.
That is an award for once again, winning.
Anyway, go check out the new "Top Gun" movie, it's great.
Evergreen.
Evergreen, and we really, yeah, exactly.
This is as evergreen as it gets, because you know what?
Tom Cruise will put out another one in 35 years.
Yeah, in 35 years.
So this will still be relevant.
Check it out, don't get monkey pox.
Yes. Who won the cup?
I don't know.
I'll salute President Joe Rogan.
Oh.
Oh God.
Please, he's built for politics.
All right, let's go!
Big show. I'm still trying
to think of a movie with a number.
I'm sorry, I'm still stuck on that.
I got really nervous and I just blew it.
I'm sorry. Okay.
What about -
Guess what?
I remembered, I once saw a really good movie about Sparta,
and I looked down at my seat afterwards.
I was in sitting in row 300.
Nice.
Okay. Yeah,
that's really good. That's how it goes.
Right?
I went to see a classic screening of "Deliverance",
and I looked down
and I saw that I was seating in row, row, row your boat.
Oh God.
That's it,
I'm gonna introduce guests. We can do that?
See, I was thinking of numbers.
I'm sorry. No, no, no.
I can't do the things that you guys do.
You're my brain's not like you.
You can't do what Gourley just did?
That's good. Just try.
That means you have no tumor.
(Matt and Sona laughing)
That means you're going to live.
He's got something pressing on nest.
This better be good.
I was at a screening of "Kindergarten Cop",
when I looked down, and I saw that I was seated
in row, it's not a tumor.
That not even,
that doesn't. You can't do quotes, though.
You're just ruining the thing,
the premise. Yeah.
From the beginning That doesn't line up at all.
I'm trying to think of a number.
You're out of order And you're, no!
She had a great ass.
Jesus, he's out of control.
I was at "A Few Good Men",
and I was sitting in you can't handle the truth.
There you go! There you go!
Row two, can't handle the tooth.
No, man.
What?
I don't know, I don't wanna, no, come on.
I can't do this. Wow.
Unbelievable.