Well, sadly, it's my last day hosting The Daily Show.
And I almost got through the whole week.
Yes, and I almost got through the whole
entire week without talking about racist cops.
But guess what we're going to talk about today--
racist cops.
After the Louisville Police killed Breonna Taylor,
the Justice Department launched an investigation
into whether they discriminated against Black people.
And after two years, guess what they found.
REPORTER: The results this morning
from the US Justice Department aren't flattering
at all to Louisville police.
The report concludes that the unit's activities were part
of an overall enforcement approach
that resulted in significant and unlawful
racial disparities.
REPORTER: Federal authorities found that police in the city
were four to five times more likely to stop Black drivers
than white ones for the same traffic violations,
five times more likely to charge
Black people for loitering or disorderly conduct,
and more likely to stop and search Black Americans
for the same behaviors.
That's right.
The DOJ launched a two-year investigation
to find out something every Black person already knew.
The police discriminate against Black people.
What else do you guys find out?
Nick Cannon doesn't use condoms?
[laughter]
Either that or he has really terrible pull-out game.
The Black woman behind Merrick Garland was like, mm,
I could have told you that, Merrick.
I can't believe you flew me out to Louisville
for this bullshit.
Next time, just ask me.
Damn it.
[laughter]
But none of this is unique to Louisville.
Every time the Justice Department
investigates a police department,
the conclusion is they're racist.
Just once I'd love to have them hold
a press conference like this.
After a two-year investigation into police department,
we have found shocking levels of tolerance.
Officers were five times more likely
to high five a Black person than a white person.
And some white officers was caught
in text messages discussing the works of James Baldwin.
[laughter]
It's a tough day for America.
[cheering]
Let's move on to Tennessee.
Here's another surprise you probably
saw coming a mile away.
An anti-gay Republican just got caught in the thirst trap.
Our top story this morning, Tennessee's lieutenant
governor is receiving criticism after making several comments
on nearly naked photos of a 20-year-old
gay man with his blue checked government account.
REPORTER: Over the last three years,
the lieutenant governor has been regularly commenting
on these extremely racy pictures of an influencer,
everything from typing out fire emojis where the male user had
posted his backside to commenting that he has,
quote, "a super look" and that he loves his content.
Here's what his press team had to say.
"Trying to imply something sinister or inappropriate
about a great-grandfather's use of social media
says more about the mind of the left-wing operative
making the implication than it does about Randy McNally.
Does he always use the proper emoji at the proper time?
Maybe not, but he enjoys interacting with constituents
and Tennesseans of all religions, backgrounds,
and orientations on social media," adding,
"He has no intention of stopping."
[laughter]
Yeah, I bet he has no intention of stopping.
I don't like to stop while I'm jerking either.
[laughter]
I love his excuse though.
His excuse is he's a great grandfather.
That doesn't make it better.
The worst part is you know he probably
called his grandson in to teach him how to use Instagram.
Hey, Blake, grandpa wants to tell
this hot young twink that he can
ride my face like a unicycle.
[laughter]
What emotion should pa-pa use?
And, finally, cars in Maine are getting a little bit more
boring today.
A vegan in Maine whose custom license plate contains
the word tofu is one of the drivers
caught up in a state crackdown on vulgar vanity plates.
This is apparently the plate in question.
It says love tofu.
But the state thinks it could be seen
as an inappropriate reference.
[cheering]
I love to F-U?
Are we sure that car doesn't belong to the lieutenant
governor of Tennessee?
[laughter]
Paw-paw.
I say let the man have his license plate.
How you going to punish a vegan?
Isn't that diet punishment enough already?
For more on this story, we turn to Michael Kosta.
Michael.
[cheering]
What do you think of Maine's crackdown
on vanity license plates?
It's ridiculous.
You know, this is more unfair than when
I was kicked out of high school for cutting class.
Students can do it, but substitute teachers can't?
I mean, double standard much, Marlon?
You know, I think Maine is just
trying to make sure that license plates aren't obscene.
OK, but they're going too far.
I mean, they reject all kinds of completely innocent plates
just because their minds are in the gutter.
And I'm speaking from personal experience here, OK?
As you'd expect, I summer in Maine.
And just take a look at some of my plates
that were rejected for no reason.
I'm not a vegan, so I'm not about to have love tofu.
But that's why I went with this, OK?
No, I'm a I'm a chicken guy, white meat, dark meat.
I love it all.
Put it in my mouth.
[laughter]
Uh, Michael, I got to be honest.
That sounds like you're trolling for sex.
Boy, you know, you sound just like the guys down
at the truck stop, you know?
You're seeing messages that just aren't here.
Like, can you believe they also said no to this one
about my love of NASCAR?
I mean, look, I am Mr. Race.
But, no, that one actually landed me
on some kind of list.
Can you believe that?
I did get a shoutout from Tucker Carlson though.
Apparently, this is also the name of his boat.
[laughter]
That one makes me want to punch you in your face.
Oh, so you're not a NASCAR fan.
I get it.
OK, but-- but-- but if that upsets you,
just wait until you see the one that the Maine Bureau
of Motor Vehicles sent me.
Look at this.
Oh, but that's just the regular plate.
What-- what are you talking about, dude?
L-2-E-F-D-P, love to eat fat donkey puss.
I mean, this is obscene, Marlon.
I have a family.
OK, I think you're overreacting, OK?
What plate did you wind up with?
Well, we're still going back and forth.
But I'm hoping that this is the one that they'll accept.
[laughter]
OK.
So ass play, you mean, like, assisting on basketball plays.
No, it's ass play.
I'm expressing my love for ass play.
I love the ass, Marlon.
[cheering]
I like a little twiddle myself.