Today we are talking about how to deal with people when they are belittling you or they're
being condescending. They're doing it to you or to other people around you, and you're getting angry
and frustrated, or feeling a little downtrodden and lacking confidence as a result. It might be at
home, might be with friends, acquaintances, maybe in your workplace. I've seen it play out in all areas
of life because human beings do it, particular types of people do it a lot. And so you're not
going to be able to escape it. We're in a highly interactive life experience and community,
at home and at work and so sometimes you're going to come across it. So rather than get upset about
it let's just get smart and learn how to deal with it. Okay so the first thing I would say is
that - you could just ignore it, okay, and if you're able to detach from what people say and do and
understand it's not about you then fine, that's great. But most people, what they do is take on-board
that belittling and that condescending nature as an attack on themselves as somehow
diminishing themselves and then they carry that kind of negativity with them. You definitely
do not want to bring that behavior back at the other person. You don't reply to belittling and
condescending behavior with more belittling and condescending behavior. That is like pouring fuel
on a fire. What you want to learn is the number one thing to help you detach from people that are
behaving that way is to know, that people only belittle other people when they are trying to
expand and elevate themselves. The only reason you need to feel like you have to expand and
elevate yourself is because you feel small. That is fundamental to understand. When you know that
and someone is being belittling, or condescending towards you, and you understand that they're trying
to elevate themselves by putting you down, by pushing you down, by making you smaller, by making
you feel less than, less than what? Less than them. So they're attempting to have you feel less than them
in order that they can feel more than. Why would they need to feel more than? Because they don't feel enough in the first place.
Now the interesting thing is that it's not necessarily a conscious process. People are not going out being rude and belittling you and
being condescending towards you because "I don't feel good enough" so if I go out and be rude to this person, or make them feel less then, then I'll feel better about myself.
But i'll tell you people that are belittling others and are being condescending likely have. 1: No self-awareness that they're doing it.
2: Little to no self-awareness as to why they would even do it in the first place.
3: They don't have the tools in place to know how to operate any other way.
Because if they did they'd be a conscious human being and they'd be attempting to monitor themselves and to grow.
So they're in that state where they're unconscious to their own behavior. Does that make it okay? No.
Can you have a little empathy for them? Possibly yes. Right!? Because when you're totally unconscious to your own behavior,
or you're conscious to it, but you don't know any other way, because you're lacking tools. Then we all know what that feels like.
Plays out in different areas of life in different ways. So when they are belittling and condescending towards you
remember this, they want to feel more than you. They want to feel more than you so they want you to
feel less than, they want to elevate themselves and quite often the way they will do that is to make you feel less.
They can only, when they're adjusting themselves in balance to you, either push you down
or lift themselves up. And most people that are being belittling and condescending because of
their level of lack of self-awareness, lack of consciousness, lack of interpersonal skills and eq,
are not actually capable of lifting themselves any higher. Because if they were they would know that this is limiting.
This kind of behavior, 'belittling and condescending', limits your professional success, limits your relationships,
limits you personally. Limits you in every way. so therefore if they're unable to elevate themselves.
Literally expand themselves and to reach higher, then the only option is to feel bigger in comparison to other people.
Which is where you'll find sarcasm, belittling, condescending. Okay, making you feel less than.
Again why do you want to know this? Because you have to understand that that behavior
is not about you, it's not a reflection on you. It is entirely a reflection of them and where they're at.
Is that laying blame on them? Not really. But it is saying... look at this other human being
who doesn't have the level of consciousness to be able to interact with any level of emotional intelligence,
and with the communication and interpersonal skills to develop healthy thriving relationships,
and this is what they're stuck in, and this is their pattern. It's not about you, what they say what they do is not about you,
it is a reflection of them. When that kind of behavior comes out of them you guarantee that's what's going on within them.
If they are pushing down on you they are trying to elevate themselves because they don't feel enough.
And that is fundamentally one of the biggest issues that people have, in any area of life.
When I'm coaching people and dealing with them in their workplace, dealing with them in their personal lives
they don't feel enough. They don't feel confident enough in themselves, they feel like they've got flaws or weaknesses
and they're trying to 'cope' in life in-order to be successful, in order to thrive and quite often what people do is they patch on fixes
and they pick up bad habits, they pick up coping mechanisms mentally and emotionally and sometimes that plays out as
things like belittling and condescending behavior.
So number one is it happens, it comes at you, you notice it, you notice you don't like it, you've got a choice - buy into it and react,
you don't want to do painful reaction it's definitely not going to serve you.
So what you do is: you notice, you pause, you breathe deeply, you say this is not about me this is about them.
they do not feel enough therefore they are trying to elevate themselves and push me down.
I don't buy it, I don't take it, I don't own it, I don't absorb it. What do I do? I just watch it.
It's not about me. You can actually even say to somebody if they're being belittling and condescending towards you,
to say... I'm hearing what you're saying but i'm not taking it on board.
What you're saying to me is coming from you, is coming from your view, is coming from your perspective,
and with the utmost of respect it's got nothing to do with me. Okay, and at the very least that's a respectful
and direct communication which is totally legitimate in a position where somebody is attacking you.
And you are then able to have them just have a slight little wake-up call moment and go...
You know, and even if they attack back, in their quiet moment at home alone on their own,
they'll reflect and they'll think, oh maybe that actually wasn't about them it was about me.
Okay so your job is not to fix them or to tell them what's wrong, and to tell them why they shouldn't be doing that
and definitely not to tell them "you don't feel good enough therefore you're doing that to me".
FUEL ON THE FIRE! Not your job to fix other people or wake people up to their own limiting patterns.
Just simply to not take that stuff on-board yourself.
Okay, the more conscious you can be the better your network.
The more conscious people there are in your network, the more everybody thrives.
So personally at home and your family, and your friends, and your workplace, your job is to be conscious
the more conscious you are, the more compassionate, the more emotional intelligence you have, the better your relationship skills,
the better your communication the more flow on impact it bleeds into and across everything and everyone that you interact with.
And that is ultimately how groups and teams thrive. Whether it's at home or at work
the more conscious people are, the more self-aware you are, the more in-check you are with your own behavior, the better things go.
So when people are being belittling/condescending that's the approach.
And what do you do? You own how am I going to respond.
Not how am I going to tell them what's wrong with them (LOL).
Acknowledge why they're doing that. Have a little empathy and then own your behavior and your response.
I hope this has been helpful and i'm looking forward to sharing more daily inspiration again with you soon