- [Christian Voiceover] So I was told about this place,
in Brisbane,
which is a haunted walk-through, scary as (bleep) maze,
with live actors jumping out at you.
So naturally I had to be a big brave boy and I gave it a go.
- Hi (Christian screams)
Yep, okay.
- [Haunted Doctor] Come in my dear, come in.
- Okay, great.
- [Haunted Doctor] Isn't it lovely?
- Ah, it's so lovely.
- Please sit down.
- Yeah.
- Ah yes.
- Mm hm.
- Welcome to 220 Brunswick Street.
What a beautiful old building. - Mm hm.
- [Christian Voiceover] Look, I'm gonna be honest with you.
I had no idea what this guy was saying.
I wasn't paying any attention.
Nothing was coming into my brain
'cause my stress levels were so high.
- Now remember,
I've told you whatever's down there doesn't like the light.
(Christian laughs)
So please keep- (Christian screams)
- Oh my God.
- Hello.
- Oh my God, what are you doing here?
- [Christian Voiceover] Well, it turns out Phoebe,
my producer, not for much longer,
thought it would be funny to arrive two hours early,
sit in the makeup chair
and get a full face of horror makeup done,
'cause she really wanted to scare me for some reason.
She's fired after this.
But at least she looks so much better
than she normally does.
- [Christian Screaming] Jesus Christ!
- Now walk this way.
- Oh no.
- Enjoy, have the best time.
- Stop, I don't approve, no!
How do I turn my light on?
Oh my God.
Jesus Christ!
I thought you were busy!
- That's what you thought.
- Just a natural look.
- Have fun.
- Around here-
(Christian screams)
- Oh my... (Christian laughs hysterically)
Ow I've hurt myself already.
- [Haunted Doctor] Bye.
- (bleep)
- [Haunted Doctor] What could go wrong?
(Christian gags)
- Okay.
Okay just... go, Ben, go.
(Christian screams)
There's someone in there.
Go, go, go, just go Ben!
(Christian screams)
- [Christian Shouting] I can see you!
Get out, stop it, I know someone's there!
Oh, there's no one there.
No, no, go, go.
- Are you the Doctor?
- [Christian Screaming] No, no!
- Where's the doctor?!
Please!
- He's having a drink at the bar!
- You Lie!
Why do you lie to me?
(Christian screams)
Get the doctor!
- He's coming!
- Do you wanna play?
- No, no!
I need you to move quicker Ben!
- We'll cast (inaudible)
(Christian screams frantically)
- (inaudible) and we drink our blood.
God is the word and we eat our flesh.
- Oh for God's sake, get away from me!
- Oh my light!
- I don't like the quiet.
Someone yell!
I don't like the quiet!
Ah, Jesus!
Oh my God!
(Christian screams)
No, no!
(Christian screams)
(bells jingle)
- Jingle, jingle.
- Okay that's fine.
Is that a real person?
(Christian screams)
- Is that a dummy though?
- Did I not call for a doctor?
- No!
- Are you broken young man?
What is your major malfunction?
What is your melody?
Can I cut you and then remake you?
A beautiful abomination.
(Christian screams)
(Actor shouting) (Christian screaming)
(speech inaudible)
- [Christian] Stop it!
(Christian screams)
- Wow I really would love this piece.
How much does this retail for?
(Christian screams)
- Welcome to my...(inaudible)
(Christian screams)
- Just let me just process what's happening for a second.
(Christian screams)
Ah, Jesus!
Is that a real person?
- I haven't even cut you yet.
- Oh no. - Maybe pork chops
or maybe loin chops?
- Ah, a rump steak please.
- Mh mm, sounds delicious.
- Oh Yum.
(Christian screams)
(Christian screams frantically)
(Christian screams)
Oh my God, there's someone on the floor.
(Actress laughing menacingly)
- Oh my (Christian fake laughs)
(Christian screams)
- Okay, thank you, wow, great, good for you.
Oh here's the well.
(Christian screams)
Oh my god!
No, no good.
No, thank you.
Is this over yet?
I don't have any voice left to yell.
(Christian screams)
Oh my God!
(Christian gasps)
(Chainsaw whirs) (Christian screams)
- I just...
(Christian screams)
- I just Farted!
(Christian screams)
I don't think you understand.
I need to sit down.
(Christian screams)
Phoebe!
I'm ready to leave!
(Actors making scary noises)
(Christian sobbing)
I wanna go home please.
Okay.
No, no, no, no!
No!
(banging on door)
(bleep) off!
(Christian screams hysterically)
(Creepy Music)
- Don't applaud yourselves!
No applauding.
(Everyone applauds)
Okay, can I just have a drink and go home please?
Did they actually put any makeup on you at all?
- Are you joking right now?
- Of course I am.
No, I see they've done a little bit under the eyes.
Apart from that, they've done a pretty poor job.
(Both yell) - Ah (bleep) off (bleep).