- So why is it that some people
seem to manifest results in their love life easier
than we do, right?
We're the ones who've done the work,
we've gone to the seminars, we've read the books,
we've watched videos, right? (giggles)
And yet, other people who don't seem like they've done
hardly any of that kind of work at all,
they're just manifesting love and results in their life
and it seems real easy.
I was on a coaching call recently
and one of my clients had this question where she said,
"How do I not look for love?"
And I said, "Well, tell me more."
And she goes, "Well, I have these people in my life
telling me you'll find it when you're not looking."
And she goes, "There's a part of me that gets so angry
when they say that.
I just wanna slap them in the face."
And I laughed (laughs) and I said,
"I know what you mean."
I've been there where you want love so bad.
You want love like you wanna breathe air, right?
You want this relationship.
And so people who tell you
you'll find it when you're not looking,
it's like they're telling you,
"Don't want the relationship that is burning in your heart."
And there's this part of us that feels like it's impossible.
I cannot not look.
And she said, "Exactly."
She goes, "When I go to the gym, I'm looking.
Maybe he's at the gym.
When I'm at the coffee shop
there's this part of me that's kind of looking to see
who's gonna get in line behind me and maybe that's my guy."
She goes, "When I'm going to parties
or when I'm out and about I'll see a hot guy
and I'm thinking, 'Maybe that's him.'
And if I don't create the interaction,
he could be gone and then I could lose out
on the love of my life forever."
She goes, "That is just exhausting."
And then I shared with her an idea
that completely transformed my life.
And the idea is this.
It's a play on you'll find it when you're not looking.
As I began to unpack that idea,
I realized it's actually not true.
You'll find it when you're not looking.
If that was true
then the only people who would actually find love
were the ones who weren't looking for love.
But you and I both know people who were looking for love
and then found it, right?
That maybe there were moments in your life
where you're looking for a relationship
and then you found a relationship.
That also doesn't coincide with anything that we know
about achievement or manifestation.
It's like no, if you have a goal,
you've gotta have a burning desire for that goal.
So what's the difference?
Here's a new invention, a reframe of that same idea.
It's not that you'll find it when you're not looking,
you'll find it when you're not lacking.
And what does that mean?
You'll find it when you're not lacking.
You think about the state that we're in when we're looking.
We're often in this lonely state.
And if you're not careful,
you start looking for so long
you get in this depressed kind of state.
This state of oh, I'm lonely and I'm lacking.
We get desperation breath.
Well, like attracts like.
If you're coming from this lacking energy,
then the universe begins to organize itself
and bring you people and interactions and situations
that are in harmony with lack
that aren't gonna create the love that you want.
What's the difference for someone who's not looking?
What vibration do they get in?
What state of being do they get in
when they're not looking?
All of a sudden they move from this
I don't have what I want to you know what?
I'm not even looking.
And they start moving into this having vibration.
I've got the life that I want.
I want to be single right now.
I want to just enjoy my life right now.
I wanna create my best self right now.
And they're in this having vibration.
And then more opportunities for having come into their life.
So that's the mental move that we've gotta make.
There was a woman named Jennifer
who came through my Manifest Your Man coaching program.
Her story's a perfect example of this.
She had two kids and single mom.
The story that she was telling herself
was that guys don't want all that baggage
of having those two little kids
and a lot of guys wanna have kids of their own.
And so that began to get in her way.
That compounded the results.
She wasn't meeting any guys that she was interested in.
She was super smart, beautiful and yet,
it was this constant mismatch.
And so then she started to get into this lacking vibration
and that just compounded it
to the point where she was discouraged,
she was depressed about her love life.
Then she joined the Manifest Your Man program
and she began to shift her mentality.
She began to shift her energy
from I'll have it when I'm not looking
to I'll have it when I'm not lacking.
So how can she move to this having vibration?
I'll give you three tips at the end of this video
for how to shift into a having vibration.
But Jennifer shifted this energy, met this guy.
First guy in a long time
that she was actually excited about.
This guy wasn't everything that she wanted, but he was sexy,
he was smart, he was funny and they enjoyed dating.
They even kissed and there was electricity.
She was like,
"Oh my gosh, I haven't felt sparks in so long."
She was like, "This is great."
And then a couple weeks later,
he calls her up and he says to her,
"Hey Jennifer, I know you value integrity.
I'm a man of honesty and I just want you to know
there's an ex that came back into my life.
She's super young.
I never thought I'd have another chance with her.
She wants to explore things with me.
She's not someone I wanna marry.
You're the kind of girl that I could marry,
but I just don't wanna pass up the opportunity
to just be with this other woman
and I wanna let you know that."
And Jennifer was telling me the story saying
in the past that version of her,
a past version of her would've been devastated by that news.
The old story would've been like,
"See, here's another example of how I'm too old
or I'm not pretty enough, or I don't have what it takes."
But instead she felt this
because she has been really working with her belief system
that the right guy is gonna find her
and she's gonna find him.
That anything else must not be the right guy.
It wasn't a nice idea that she had contemplated,
it was a belief she had integrated.
And so when that guy said,
"I think I want to explore things with this other woman,"
Jennifer was so calm, so chill, so confident.
She was like, "You know what?
I'm disappointed 'cause I liked you, but you gotta do you.
And so I just wish you all the best."
And he was doubting then his decision
because she was so grounded and confident in that moment.
She told me he was like,
"Well, maybe I'm making the wrong decision.
See, that response is why you're so awesome, Jennifer.
You are the woman that I think I could marry.
Maybe I'm making the wrong decision."
And she was like, "No, no, no.
You've already made your decision
just by sharing that you've made your decision.
Go have fun."
She hung up the phone.
She felt so good about herself
that that same night she gets online,
reaches out to the hottest guy she sees online,
his name's David.
Tall, dark, handsome, smart, spiritual, funny.
They go on a date the next day, he totally vibes with her.
They talk that night, go on a date the next day.
That blossoms into a beautiful relationship.
They fall in love and today they are married
enjoying an amazing relationship together
because Jennifer came from this state of abundance,
a love-abundant mindset.
Not from lacking like I don't have what I want.
Coming from this place of I already have what I want
and now I'm just manifesting it.
So, what are some ideas for how we can move
from lacking into abundant energy?
I'll share with you three really powerful ideas right now.
Number one is start going on dates.
Sometimes we wait to go on a date
until the person's like a perfect 10, right?
Until we think that they're gonna be our soulmate.
Now, you might be the person who's already dating a lot
and that's fine, but there's so many of us out there
that aren't even allowing ourselves to go on dates.
And when you start to go on dates
regardless of whether they're gonna be long-term or not,
you start amplifying that social momentum.
That field of abundance starts to grow.
Step number two is start living versus lacking.
And what that means is so often we will wait to do something
that we wanna really do
until we have our partner in our life.
We won't travel to a particular place
or we won't take a particular hike.
We won't get these massages.
We won't go to a particular restaurant because we're like,
"Oh, I wanna do that with my special person."
No, start living.
Get in that flow.
Open yourself up.
That then creates this
I'm doing the things I would be doing with my beloved.
That aligns you
with the very vibration of being in that relationship.
And the third idea here is start creating versus waiting.
Start creating versus waiting.
In other words,
there's activities that you wanna create with,
you wanna express life.
It might be dancing, it might be painting,
it might be acting, it might be creating video content,
inspirational content.
When you're creating,
you're bringing about new life in your world
and that generates this abundance vibration.
There was a woman who came through Manifest Your Man.
She was like, "Okay, I'm gonna start living.
I'm gonna start creating.
And she was like, "It's been a long time since I've danced.
I've kind of waited until I had my partner.
I'm gonna start dancing now."
And so she took a dance class
called the Five Rhythms Dance Class.
She put that in her online profile.
Her man that they hadn't met yet,
he's out there looking for her, he loves Five Rhythms.
When she posted that on her profile
he read that she loved the Five Rhythms.
And he was like, "You love the Five Rhythms?
I love the five rhythms. Let's talk."
They talked, they connected, they went dancing,
they fell in love, they got together
all because she started living,
started creating instead of waiting.
What is a move that you could make
that would put you in a more love-abundant vibration
that would move from lacking into a having vibration?
Go ahead and chat your ideas in the comment section below
and know this, I believe in you.
I know that your amazing love life is seeking you now.
And as you open up your life to those ideas,
things start coming out of the blue
and you will create the love abundance that you seek.
Thanks so much for watching.
I appreciate you and I'll see you soon.
(upbeat music)