♫ Where in the world is
♫ Superwoman today
Singapore!
Lah.
(shimmering chime)
What up, everyone?
It's your girl, Superwoman.
And no matter how confident I am in real life,
I get super insecure when performing one particular action.
And in my defense, it's a very high anxiety action
that requires a lot of brain power.
Sitting.
I'm being completely honest when I say
that I suck at sitting.
I'm not a talented sitter,
like I don't know how to do it properly.
Now, hold up, hold up.
I know you're probably thinking like
what the eff are you talking about, Lilly?
Everyone knows how to sit correctly.
And to you I say, "What about Humpty Dumpty?"
That mothereffer done bruk his face!
(giggles) Humpty Dumpty.
I never realized what a silly name that is.
Humpty Dumpty, sounds like a one-night stand.
First you humpty, then you dumpty.
Oh my god, am I discovering like some sick,
twisted double meaning to the story?
Wait. Wait.
Sat on a wall?
Is the wall a boob? No?
No, okay. Moving on.
I'm just so glad you subscribed.
Earlier today I was on a panel,
and it was me sitting with a bunch of other people,
and it was a public setting,
and all I could think about is,
oh my god, I'm sitting so stupidly.
There's just so many factors and concerns.
Number one, Jeans.
That's right, jeans.
AKA the creator of fake penises on girls.
I mean, straight up.
Now matter how I sit in a pair of jeans,
I'm gonna look like I have a fake penis, okay?
Or like an inflamed vagina of some sort.
Just a giant kitty cat just like,
hello, I'm Mufasa.
♫ Can you feel the love to
No. You know why?
Because, I'm single.
Oh, and look. Why is this like this?
Can someone just invent a pair of jeans
that don't do this, don't give me a fake penis?
Because I feel so insecure, and I'm constantly
trying to smooth it out somehow.
Sometimes I'll be in a really deep conversation,
and I'll be sitting, and I'll forget,
and so I'll be talking and talking,
and I'll look down and I'll see the fake penis,
and I'll see this giant bulge,
and I'll be like what the eff!
When did I turn into a black guy?
By the way that's not racism, okay?
That's a compliment.
Kingsley be sitting at home right now just like, true.
I just feel like everything works in the favor of guys.
You know what I mean?
You're telling me that I have to have a vagina
and go through periods and child birth,
but then when it's least convenient,
also look like I have a penis?
Can someone invent a pair of jeans
that makes guys look like they have cameltoe?
Anyways, I need to change the subject now, okay,
because I've reached the maximum amount of times
I can say the word penis without feeling awkward.
Awkward.
Number two, my buttcrack.
(belches and sighs)
Oh, I am killing it with this video.
When I'm sitting down,
it doesn't really matter what I'm wearing,
what the chair looks like that I'm sitting in,
or even how I'm sitting,
because I will constantly be convinced
that my buttcrack is showing.
I'll just keep pulling my shirt down no matter what.
Even if it's a long t-shirt,
just gotta keep double checking.
Even if I'm on a sofa or chair, where there is no hole,
where anyone behind could even see my buttcrack.
Doesn't matter.
I could be in a effin' onesie, okay?
And I'm still gonna be like,
everyone is staring at my buttcrack.
I have like buttcrack phobia or something.
But just like mine showing, not anyone else's.
Like Nicki Minaj could straight up back that thing up.
Or like Swoozy.
Like come sit on Mama's lap, I ain't scared.
If y'all confused, have y'all ever seen Swoozy's butt?
That's right.
Illustrations ain't the only thing he workin' with.
This is literally the only reason I have long hair,
is just to cover up any buttcrack mishaps.
Just like, yo, Lilly. I think your buttcrack's showing.
I'm just like, nah, nah, nah, yo.
That's a split end. That's a split end.
It's like camouflage, okay?
For the sitting impaired.
Number three, legs.
So I generally sit like a dude, you know?
I sit like this, okay?
And then I realize that this combination,
with my jean penis, might not be the most flattering.
So then I'm like, okay. Let me try sitting like a girl.
So then I'll do this, but then,
I might be the only person on the planet
that actually looks at what everyone else is doing,
evaluates that and then decides how to sit.
Like, yo, which way are we,
I wanna go right, but what's goin' on over here?
Okay, see Barbara? Barbara, she's gone right.
So I don't wanna eff this all up, okay?
If everyone else has the right leg on.
First of all, this is my left leg.
I can't even tell jokes right!
Barb over there has got her left leg over, okay.
So I'm like, all right, everybody got their left leg.
I'm gonna do my left leg.
I ain't tryin' to be the one drunk person
on a synchronized swimming team, just like,
(panting) I'm gonna go swim to my ex's house.
I'm trying to go with the flow, okay.
So I'm just like, ah, all right here we go.
Straight up, I just pulled something.
So give this video a thumbs up,
because now I can't walk!
So I'm like, this is such a beautiful pattern.
Everybody's legs goin' the same way.
We lookin' like a mothereffin' wallpaper up in here, okay?
But then what happens after a while, my leg gets numb.
So I'm like, oh, I gotta, I'm sorry, I gotta switch.
We ain't gettin' the gold medal synchronized swimming.
Okay, fine. I switch like this.
But then in my brain I'm like, that's it.
That's all you're allowed, two switches.
You went left, you went right.
You can't switch again.
Who invented this rule? I dunno.
In my brain I have this thing where I'm like,
if you switch again, everyone's gonna see
how stupid your legs are, and they're gonna be like,
what the hell's wrong with you?
But what I do? I keep switching.
Everyone else is just sitting here like normal human beings.
Look at you sitting, so I'm up in here,
I'm folk dancing up in here.
I'm just like, I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm effin' Do-si-do'ing right here,
with my jean penis and buttcrack showing.
I'm like Messi up in here, okay, just kickin' around.
My mom hears that joke, she's gonna be like,
"You're right. You are so very messy."
Number four, arms.
Can I ask possibly the most honest question
I've ever asked on video before?
When I'm sitting in a public setting,
and people are looking at me, okay?
What the eff am I supposed to be doing with my arms?
'Cause I feel like I can fold them.
Like do something, fold my hand, do stuff like,
but I feel like that's so formal.
This makes me feel like I'm at church.
Also, I don't know what church feels like.
I've never been to church because, you know what it is?
I grew up with one religion,
and then I also became a YouTuber,
so I didn't wanna disappoint my parents
in more way than one.
Like what do I do?
Do I go like this, is that weird?
But then I'm like, should I put my hands on my knees?
But then it kinda seems like I'm ready
to just like bust a whine like, pap, pap, pap.
Or do I do like an Abe Lincoln? I don't know.
I'm like that floaty thing with the arms
at car sales places, you know what I'm talkin' about?
They're just like.
(light groovy music)
Help me. I don't know.
I don't know.
And then so you know what I do?
Every once in a while I do one of these.
One of these leans where I'm like all right, I'm gonna lean.
And instantly I regret it, 'cause I'm like, oh my god,
why the hell am I trying so hard to sit?
I'm such a try hard.
I'm like one of those people on Instagram
that would post this, with like 78 hashtags,
just like sitting of Instagram.
Sitting on Fleek.
Instasit.
Sitlove.
Just play it cool, Lilly!
Just play it, just be like, yo.
(laughs)
Number five, leg hairs.
Here's the thing about sitting, right,
is that I'm at home, I put on a pair of jeans,
I'm like, yo, I don't gotta shave my legs.
Why the hell would I shave my legs?
I'm wearing jeans, my legs are covered.
What, I'm just gonna shave my legs for myself?
I don't need to impress myself with shaved legs, okay?
I impress myself with my humor.
I'm friggin funny as hell.
I don't care if I'm a hairy person.
So then I go out, okay, and then what happens,
I cross my legs and I don't take into account
that when I sit, my jeans raise a little bit,
thus causing this action right here.
And then my leg hairs be creepin' out.
So then I'll be having a conversation,
and I'll be caught off guard, 'cause I'll look down,
oh my god, it looks like I'm wearing ankle warmers.
So I learn this for the next time,
and I shave like the bottom two, three inches of my leg.
This is the safety zone.
I gotta shave right here just in case
my jeans be doing this type of ish.
And I know what you're thinking.
You're like, what the hell, Lilly?
That's your ankle, how bad could it be?
And I'm just like, aw, that's so cute.
I'm South Asian, okay?
You're John Snow, you know nothing.
So then I shave that little bit, and I'm feelin' real good.
I'm feelin' myself, I'm havin' conversations on purpose.
I'm like, oh, sorry I don't mean to expose my legs.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, my whole leg look like that.
Whatever you see here, just expect it for the rest.
But then, not realizing I got ish like this
goin' on, with my ripped jeans.
You know that part of Life of Pi when he's like yeah,
that island with the forest appeared out of nowhere?
I got this effin' Chia Pet just sittin' right here.
So now I'm like, oh my god, I gotta cover it.
So then what I do is I shave right here,
and then I start shaving circles here.
Now I just look like a dog that got run over by a car,
like a stray dog with patches all over.
I look like some effed up dalmatian.
I know what you're thinking.
Why don't you just take the time to shave your whole leg?
And I'm like, what the hell are you talking about?
You know they only give you 15 seconds
in between episodes on Netflix.
But I'm being serious, like,
I know this video seems very exaggerated,
and you're like, what?
I'm being completely serious when I say,
this is a legitimate stress for me.
Like sitting stresses me out.
And I have all of these thoughts
exactly as I'm communicating them to you.
This isn't even a comedy video for me.
This is a video diary.
I'm just being completely honest.
It affects my daily life, okay?
I will never be in a relationship.
I will always be single, why?
Because I can't ever be sitting in a tree with anyone.
♫ Lilly and Duane sitting in a tree
But then you're like, oh, wait.
Look at Lilly sitting in that tree.
And Lilly's just like, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
I'm just saying I think it should be socially acceptable
to have a blanket over you at all times when you sit.
That way my jean penis, my forest,
my drunk legs, my buttcrack, won't be showing.
After all, aren't all those things
acceptable under a blanket anyways?
Anyways.
This video was a little bit edgy for me,
and I need to go lie down to re-energize.
(shimmering chime)
Yo, I hope you enjoyed this video.
Now more than ever,
I know I've said this in a lot of videos,
but I really mean it this time.
Am I the only one that thinks this way?
Because, legitimately, something might be wrong with me.
Can you comment below and let me know?
And if you agree with anything I said,
please give this video a thumbs up.
You can check out my last video right over there.
It is called When Parents Want to Talk.
My second vlog channel on Singaporean adventures
are right over there, other than that, subscribe.
Because I make new videos every Monday and Thursday.
You can also preorder my book
by clicking the link in the description,
or that eye in the corner of the screen.
And what else do I gotta tell you?
Oh, I'm sorry this video was a little bit late.
The timezones up in here,
they're screwing me over a little bit,
because I was like, yo,
and then I was like, yo,
and then they was like, yo,
and then I was like, aight peace.
One love, Superwoman.
That is a wrap and zoop.
Oh, thank God. I can finally stand up.