Or wondering should I contact my ex on Valentine's Day or not?
We're going to talk about that in this video.
And stick around because we're going to be covering some specific strategies that you
can use based off of where things are between you and your ex as we get closer and closer
to February 14th.
But first my name is Clay Andrews.
I'm with modernlove.life.
If this is your first time here, please do me a favor by considering subscribing to this
channel down below.
And while you're down there, hit that thumbs up button because it helps support this channel.
All right.
So I know that probably a lot of people are looking for some blanket statement when it
comes to contacting your ex on Valentine's Day, but if you have watched some of my other
videos, you should know that I do not believe in one size fits all generic advice.
What we need to do is, we need to feel into the situation and understand what's happening
in your specific situation before we start making any sorts of big moves.
That's one of my big frustrations with other advice out there such as specifically the
no contact rule.
A lot of people will tell you that you need to use no contact whenever anything happens.
If your ex contacts you, use no contact.
If your ex doesn't contact you, use no contact.
If you're ex is in a rebound relationship, use no contact.
If your ex says they don't want to get back together, use no contact.
And trust me, there is a time and place for using no contact, but it is not all the time.
So what I want you to do is, I want you to feel into your situation and to understand
what's happening in your specific situation.
Okay.
So back to Valentine's Day.
If things are actually pretty good between you and your ex, that is to say the two of
you are on good terms, you're talking, you're engaging in conversations, you're able to
move down to that emotional level, you're able to have significant and meaningful dialogue,
but maybe you're just not back together yet either because it's still a work in progress
or because there's maybe a certain block or something like that, but you're still in a
pretty good spot, then yeah, it would totally make sense to contact your ex on Valentine's
Day in many cases, possibly even getting your ex a gift, or agreeing to do something like
going out on a date or something like that.
Absolutely, totally, could make sense.
However, I know that that's not where everybody is right now.
So with that being said, let's talk about some of the other options out there.
Now, things are shaky between you and your ex.
Maybe you're in communication with them, but the connection isn't that great.
Maybe you've had some back and forth, one step forward, two steps back, two steps forward,
one step back stuff going on where maybe you get into arguments sometimes, maybe you have
great times together, but you're influx.
Then this can be a tricky thing.
And most likely it's not going to be a good idea for you to contact your ex on Valentine's
Day.
At least not in a romantic sort of way.
Now, what do I mean by this?
Now, we've talked about this in our video from a few days ago.
You can go ahead and check that out up there if you missed that one, but you don't want
to be relationship focused when it comes to interacting with your ex when things are in
a very fragile state.
Now, that one times a day is a unique holiday because it is a relationship focused holiday
unlike something like Christmas or maybe other holidays that are definitely a big deal.
Valentine's Day has this filter of, okay, we're going to be doing romantic stuff.
If you interact with somebody on Valentine's Day in a meaningful way, then it's generally
viewed as a romantic gesture.
And you want to be careful about this because although it can go over well, it can definitely
be very risky if things between you and your ex are not in a stable, strong place.
The last thing you want is for your ex to believe that you are just interacting with
them because you want to get back together with them and you're not interested in their
emotional state where they're coming from emotionally, what their concerns are and all
of that.
If the idea of being in a relationship of getting back together with them comes first,
and then understanding where they're at or what their concerns are or what their challenges,
struggles, hesitations, et cetera, are, then it's going to come across as being relationship
focused.
And that's not a good thing because that means that your ex is not going to be seen and heard.
They're not going to feel a strong emotional connection with you and they're going to probably
pull back because they're going to think, okay, you just want to get back together so
that you can feel better because I don't know, maybe the breakups hitting you really hard,
maybe you have some agenda of, I don't know, being in a relationship or being married by
a certain age or whatever and just a means to an end for you.
And if that's the case, definitely not going to go over well.
So if things are iffy between you and your ex, then the conservative approach would be
to just not contact them.
And that's probably going to serve you better the majority of the time than actually contacting
them on Valentine's Day.
But you're going to have to feel into it.
And then of course, our third option, our third possibility is if you and your ex are
just in a really, really bad spot because maybe they're not talking to you, maybe they're
still upset with you about something, maybe they might be in a rebound relationship and
they're trying to actively discourage you or something like that.
And if that's the case, then there's very, very, very little potential upside to contacting
your ex on Valentine's Day in a romantic way.
Again, I know that sometimes you feel like you need to do something, make some big move
to try to save your relationship.
And sure, maybe you've seen people do things like this on TV or movies or other places,
but this does not generally play out very well in real life.
And that's because there isn't a substantial significant emotional connection at play underneath
this romantic gesture, underneath this romantic overture.
And so I would not recommend doing that.
So with that being said, what could you do on Valentine's Day?
Okay, so if you are going to contact your ex, you want to really, really, really, really
make sure that if you do so, it's going to be connection focused instead of relationship
focused.
And in order to do that, you need to address the concern that's already in your ex's mind,
which is like, why are you contacting me?
Do you have some sort of hidden agenda?
Are you just trying to get back together?
Things of that nature.
And so you want to directly address this by letting your ex know something like, "Hey,
I'm not trying to force anything that's not there.
Just wanting to say hello to you on this day," or something like that.
Okay.
That's a little bit better still relationship focused because we are obviously acknowledging
the fact that there was a romantic connection between our ex and ourselves.
Although, we are like shedding some of that hidden agenda stuff by saying not trying to
force anything that's not there.
Another thing that you could do is, you can make a joke out of the fact that it's Valentine's
Day.
Like, "Hey, don't take this the wrong way.
Just was thinking about you today.
Don't even think about trying to seduce me or anything like that."
Something along those lines can make light of the fact that it's Valentine's Day, flipped
things around a little bit and can make it into like a little bit of a funny joke or
something like that, which could potentially open the door for other connections.
But overall, you need to kind of weigh the potential benefits against the potential risks
of contacting your ex on Valentine's Day.
So I know that it's a bit tricky and I know that a lot of people are really motivated
to try to do something, especially on Valentine's Day, but you have to let go of that attachment
to outcome and remember to focus on that emotional connection first and foremost.
And then after you build up that emotional connection, then it can start to make sense
to talk about relationships, to talk about getting back together, to talk about romantic
overtures and gestures and things of that nature.
So anyway, hope that helps you out.
We may have some more videos on Valentine's Day as we get closer to actual Valentine's
Day.
But in the meantime, help this channel out.
But I think that thumbs up button, subscribing the channel, leaving a comment down below.
And if you want to learn more about what you can do on Valentine's Day, please feel free
to check out our Valentine's Day playlist over here.
Also, you may be interested in this video over here as well too.
That might help you out as well.
Anyway, this has been Clay.
Take care and I'll talk to you next time.