I APPRECIATE IT VERY MUCH, LET'S GET RIGHT INTO IT, NOW SOME BIG
NEWS TODAY FROM THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION.
PRESIDENT TRUMP'S FORMER LAWYER MICHAEL COHEN PLEADED GUILTY IN
FEDERAL COURT ON CHARGES OF LYING TO CONGRESS ABOUT TRUMP'S
BUSINESS DEALINGS IN RUSSIA.
NOW I'M SURE COHEN WAS JUST LYING TO COVER UP HOW INCREDIBLY
INNOCENT TRUMP IS IN THE WHOLE THING.
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: THAT'S WHY YOU LIE, RIGHT, THAT'S WHY YOU DO IT.
APPARENTLY COHEN MISLEAD CONGRESS ABOUT A TRUMP REAL
ESTATE DEAL IN MOSCOW WHEN HE FOUND OUT DONALD TRUMP, JR. WAS
EXTREMELY UP PET-- UPSET.
HE WAS LIKE HEY, LYING TO CONGRESS ABOUT, WITHOUTING WITH
THE RUSSIANS IS MY THING.
(LAUGHTER) MY DAD.
IN OTHER TRUMP NEWS LAST NIGHT DONALD AND MELANIA PARTICIPATED
IN THE WHITE HOUSE TREE LIGHTING CEREMONY WHERE INTERIOR
SECRETARY RYAN ZINKE INTRODUCED THE PRESIDENT AS QUOTE THE MAN
WHO BROUGHT CHRISTMAS BACK TO AMERICA.
(LAUGHTER) I THINK WE ALL REMEMBER WELL,
YOU KNOW, BEFORE TRUMP, THERE WERE JUST HANUKKAH PARADES ALL
OVER THE PLACE, RITE-AID GIVING RAMADAN CUP, YEAH, I REMEMBER.
IS TRUMP IN CHARGE OF BRINGING CHRISTMAS BACK?
IF SO HE IS DOING A HORRIBLE JOB.
MY NEIGHBOR HAOT RITE-AID STARTED SELLING CHRISTMAS CANDY
IN SEPTEMBER.
ALSO A DANCING CHRISTMAS TREA THAT SINGS DESPACITO.
(LAUGHTER) IF ANYONE SHOULD GET #KREDITY
FOR BRINGING CHRISTMAS BACK IT IS THE HALLMARK CHANNEL, RIGHT.
I MEAN SO FAR THIS AREA THEY HAVE AIRED AND THIS IS IS TRUE,
CHRISTMAS AT PEMBERLY MANOR.
CHRISTMAS JOY, ROAD TO CHRISTMAS, IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE,
CHRISTMAS IF LOVE, CHRISTMAS AT GRACELAND, MINGLE ALL THE WAY,
CHRISTMAS AT THE PALACE, CHRISTMAS AND GRAND VALLEY,
PRIDE, PREJUDICE AND MISTLETOE, CHRISTMAS AND THE LAUGHING AND
MY PERSONAL FAVORITE A SHOE ADDICT'S CHRISTMAS.
IT'S NOVEMBER!
MOVING ON, A NEW RESTAURANT IN THE NATION OF NEPAL IS GAINING
SOME INTERNATIONAL ATTENTION NOT BECAUSE OF THEIR FOOD BUT
BECAUSE THEY ARE USING ROBOTSES AWAITERS, RIGHT, THIS IS
TRUEMENT YOU ORDER YOUR MEAL USING A TOUCH-SCREEN AND THEN
THE ROBOTS BRING YOUR FOOD TO THE TABLE.
HERE THEY ARE IN ACTION.
TAKE A LOOK.
ROBOT WAITERS.
ALL HE THOUGH THE ROBOTS INSIST THEY ARE ONLY DOING THIS UNTIL
THEIR ACTING CAREERS TAKE OFF.
(LAUGHTER) ROBOTSES AWAITERS.
SOUNDS LIKE THESE WAITERS ARE GOING TO BRING YOU SOME MEGA
BITES.
THANK YOU, CHEESIER, THANKS.
I WROTE THAT, ALL AN MY OWN, THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
THANK YOU.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> James: MEGA BITES.
IT'S VERY SMART.
WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT, IT'S VERY SMART.
NOW WE HAD TO TELL BUT THRKTS ON A RECENT FLIGHT FROM SINGAPORE
TO JAPAN A PASSENGER ON A BUDGET AIRLINE ASKED FOR A CUP OF WATER
AND THE THE FLIGHT A 2E7BD 57B9 TBAIF HIM A CUP OF ICE AND TOLD
HIM TO WAIT FOR IT TO MELT.
(LAUGHTER) EVEN THOSE ROBOT WAITERS ARE
LOOK DAMN, THAT'S COLD.
THAT IS, BUT IT GOT WORSE, WHEN THE PASS SWRER ASKED FOR A DOWN
PILLOW THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT JUST HANDED HIM A LIVE GOOSE AND AN
AXE.
NOW THE LADY IS BEING THAT IS NOT RIGHT TMENT IS NOT TRUE,
THEY DIDN'T REALLY.
THIS HAPPEN AND A DISCOUNT AIRLINE CALLED SCOOT.
NOW IF YOU ARE FLYING WITH SCOOT--
(LAUGHTER) , WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
SCOOT SOUNDS LESS LIKE AN AIRLINE AND MORE LIKE THE
NICKNAME OF YOUR MUM'S SECOND HUSBAND.
MY NAME IS LARRY, MY FRIENDS CALL MY SCOOTMENT YOU CAN CALL
ME DAD.
AND DID YOU SEE THIS STORY.
ARCHAEOLOGISTS IN ISRAEL HAVE FOUND A 9,000 YEAR OLD MASK THEY
BELIEVE TO BE ONE OF THE OLDEST IN THE WORLD.
HERE IT IS HERE.
LOOK AT THAT.
IN FACT, ARCHAEOLOGISTS THINK IT ONCE BELONGED TO THE ANCIENT
ISRAEL-- ISRAELI KING JASON THE FIRST.
LIKE 9,000 YEARS AGO SOME GUY SNUCK UP BEHIND HIS FRIEND WITH
HIS NEW MASK AND WENT BOO AND HIS FRIEND IS LIKE WHAT IS BOO,
WHAT IS THAT?
DID YOU JUST COME UP WITH THAT.
AND HE'S LIKE YEAH, I DON'T THINK THIS SCARING THING IS
GOING TO TAKE OFF.
I'M GOING TO BURY THIS.
AND FINALLY A COMPANY IN THE U.K. HAS BEGUN SELLING CHRISTMAS
TREES DESIGNED FOR HOUSEHOLDS WITH PETS OR YOUNG KIDS.
TO KEEP THEM FROM DAMAGING THE TREE T ONLY HAS BRANCHES ON THE
TOP HALF.
THIS IS COMPLETELY REAL.
TAKE A LOOK.
IS (LAUGHTER)
BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS HOLIDAY CHEER LIKE WRAPPING SIN TELL
AROUND A SIX FOOT TALL TOILET BRUSH.
(APPLAUSE) THEY SAY TRUMP BROUGHT CHRISTMAS
BACK TO AMERICA.
BUT IT LOOKS LIKE HE ONLY BROUGHT IT HALFWAY BACK IN THE
U.K IT IS ONLY THE TOP HALF OF A
CHRISTMAS HE TREE.
EVEN WORSE, HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT SANTA LOOKS LIKE IN THE U.K.
THIS YEAR?