My name is Agnes Meiling Kaneko Chan,
I am 61 years old.
Three of my sons are graduated from University of Stanford
As majoring in education for my master degree,
I have my ways to educate and nurture my children.
The 10 things parents shouldn't do to your children.
No.1 Do not compare your child to others
If you did that very often, your child will probably lack of confidence.
He might have no courage to show his real potential.
Self affirmation is significantly important.
Children who have low self esteem might end up bullying others
or looking down on others
No. 2 Do not praise your child with material rewards.
Don't use material rewards to praise children.
They easily get bored with toys
They will easily leave those toys aside few weeks later
Toys are not friends for a whole life time.
Once there was a mother asked how to praise her child who doesn't like taking bath.
It's a girl. And I said,
Well, you can let her to do your make up as a reward!
If it's a boy, let him help his dad to make up!
He must be very happy about that!
Both of us can't help laughing.
This is how you praise your child,
to make it sounds very interesting,
to make it a bridge of communication for the family.
No. 3 No timetable for daily routine.
There are a large number of mothers who used to plan their children a timetable for daily routine.
Play only when you finished your homework.
In fact, learning is playing
and playing is learning too.
Learning and playing should not be separated.
We will do nothing and playing outside if it was raining.
In the playground, we'll put leaves on the surface of water
to see whose leaves can flow the fastest.
And I'll ask why does it rain?
Have you ever thought about it?
In order to motivate them to discover the answers with curiosity.
Their learning can be more effective if they could touch and feel it.
They don't find learning is difficult.
No. 4, do not enrol your children in extra tutoring class.
Those after school tutoring classes which aim to get higher points in test
only telling your children that they learn for a test.
It would be better if you can save up all the tuitoring fees for years
and spend it on traveling with your family.
For example my big boy likes fish,
so we almost visit all of the aquariums in Japan.
No.5, do not make choices for your children.
It's very important to know how to make choices by yourself.
They were trained to make choices since very young age.
For example to choose ice-cream flavor by themselves.
My eldest son told me he wanted to further his study in The U.S. when he was in high school.
I would like him to study in the top 1 or 2 university.
But he had chosen an university ranked as 7th
Each of the freshman in the college where he studied was required to take care of a horse.
Horse caring first and then breakfast,
(This routine) has successfully developed their sense of responsibility.
Furthermore he was very happy.
He has very good performance on academic too.
He made an appropriate choice.
No.6, do not keep your children away from teen dating.
Being in a relationship can teach you to love and to be loved.
So I would encourage them to be in a relationship.
The only thing I would remind them is they are responsible for their relationship.
Teen pregnancy is not allowed.
They all have girlfriends when they were in high school.
They can tell they were very happy.
I taught them sex education when they were about 9 years old.
No.7, do not spank or scold your children.
I don't agree with spanking children.
Physical punishment might work, but only for now.
Children stop behaving bad right after you spanked them,
but do they really understand what was wrong?
Talk to them explicitly.
This is always the best way of educating your children.
The longest conversation I had with them is 8 hours.
That's for my eldest son.
They said that's the most suffering part.
They would rather choose spanking so that they can run away after that.
No.8 Never lie to your children.
As a parents, try your best not to lie to your children.
For example if I've promised them to play football in the field,
I'll definitely fulfil my promise no matter how tired I was.
If not they will feel that you are lying.
If they don't learn to trust others,
they might end up feeling alone for the whole life.
No. 9 Never neglect your children because of working.
As being a working mother,
I don't really spend enough time with my children.
My eldest son likes fish very much.
So I used to play fishing game with him for 10-15 mins before he went to sleep.
Now he can still remember that he was the fisherman and I was the fish.
The time that a mother spent with her children, even though it's only 2-5 mins, means heaven for them.
It has such a huge influence.
No. 10 Never say "give me a second" to your children' questions.
If they asked me a question, I'll never say give a second.
Sometimes they asked me a questions in the wrong timing.
For example they wanted to know why the sky is blue when I was cooking.
Apparently I couldn't answer them at that moment.
What I did was turning off the gas
and then praise him for asking such a good question.
We'll soon find out the answers together.
So, I'll not keep them waiting even though I was cooking.
I always say that education is about preparing your child for the road to achieve their dream.
They won't feel discouraged even though they failed.
They will keep finding their dream.
If they achieve success, they will feel humble and willing to share with others.
This is the goal of my education.