Hi everyone! It's Yukari.
If you are new to my channel, welcome!
I've been living in Canada for four years and...
S: Is that what you say every time in Japanese? Y: No!
S: Ah Okay.
Y: Don't stop it! S: Sorry. I was interested.
Y: I've been living in Canada for four years so far. I'm from Japan
And this is my boyfriend, Stu-san.
We've been together for three years so far and living together now.
A few months ago I asked for some questions
about our relationship, our international relationship.
So we're going to answer the questions today.
Question number one.
S: Tinder!
Y: Okay, that's like a dating app.
S: I'm sure they know what Tinder is.
Y: I don't know... S: They have Tinder in Japan?
S: I'm sure they have Tinder. Y: Maybe...
Y: But I don't think that's common or popular...
Y: Anyway that's a dating app. S: But we are quite old so we don't know maybe.
Y: Here in North America it's super super common.
S: Yeah, it's pretty common. Y: Like if you were single, most of the people use it.
S: Yeah Y: Or even if you're not single, they're finding some people.
S: Yeah. It's very very common.
People meeting new people through apps is super common.
The other common way is mutual friends.
Y: Yeah yeah. S: That's....
Y: Like mutual friends or like hobbies or meet ups...
S: In Canada we don't have specific meetups for meeting people
so I know that in Japan sometimes they have I don't know if this still exists or not but
they have like organized parties for people to meet and like maybe form couples
S: Right? Y: Yeah yeah parties, yes. I think so....
S: That would be really really weird in Canada. Y: Yeah, we don't have that kind of thing here.
S: People would say "what? that's crazy!'
so most of the time is just like you go to a party at somebody's house, something like that
or maybe you meet a friend of somebody friend friend friend something like that
or it's meeting apps.
Y: Most of my Japanese friends living here met western boyfriend through
friends, meet ups, language exchange
Y: dating apps or hobbies. Did I say hobbies? S: Yes, you did.
Y: Okay. those kind of things.
Y: How did we meet?
S: we met on an app. Y: Yes.
Y: But not Tinder. S: No.
Different thing.
OkCupid.
Question number two.
Y: We Japanese people don't have dating period but
western people have like seen each other...
S: Do you not have a dating period?
Y: I don't know normal relationship but...
In Japan we believe the ideal how to have a relationship
is maybe know each other
and maybe seen each other
but without... S: Romance?
Y: Having sex.
S: That's dating. Y: Hmm that's dating but without kissing maybe
S: Really? Y: Maybe. I don't know.
S: Sounds boring. Y: I'm not sure.
Y: And if they started to have a relationship officially
then they can have SKINSHIP maybe.
S: Skinship?
Y: Do you say "skinship"? S: No, I've never heard.
Y: Japanese-English... S: It it really? It's interesting.
S: Yeah, I don't know. I mean there are so many different ways to have relationships
and everybody has their own preferences of course but
in Canada it's quite common to have a small period of time.
I don't know. I mean it can vary but
maybe a few weeks to a couple of months or something like that
where you are seeing each other every now and again
maybe once or twice a week and
maybe you are sleeping with each other, maybe not
but the kind of feeling is that you are kind of testing
and you are figuring it out
and then of course everybody has different styles of relationship
but then it's quite common for those two people that decide that they are together
Y: But like north American people don't say anything like
'Okay, today is the day we start our relationship' or anything that kind things right?
S: Yeah, it's quite soft.
Y: Like naturally just seen each other dating together and then
like I heard one day one of them says
'Oh this is my boyfriend' 'This is my girlfriend' "Okay, I'm his girlfriend"
S: Yeah well you know I mean maybe people say it but
it's quite... I mean that's different for everybody.
But yeah that moment is quite important.
The first time you introduce somebody has 'this is my girlfriend' or 'this is my boyfriend'
because then it's kind of like let me know.
Y: But they difficult to know like "what am I? what's our relationship?"
S: Yeah, I know. It's a very dramatic.
Y: That's quite annoying.
Y: But... he's not America and he he's no Canadian.
so a bit different maybe?
S: Anyway... Y: Anyway...
Next question
S: Means me?
Y: Me, I had a problem with you S: Communicate? Y: in English
because I couldn't speak English well. I had a problem...
S: This this person has that opinion they think that we had problems to communicate?
Y: Cause like three years of I couldn't speak English like now right?
It's obvious right?
S: Her English is still quite bad!
S: I'm just joking.
Y: I'm not sure maybe I had some times that I couldn't find the words or I couldn't explain well in English
and stopped talking like hmmm 'Never mind...'
and he said... He's super patient and he always listens to me
so he said 'No, no. Go ahead. Just say! Practice. Say!'
And I said I just said words words words something...
He always like listens to me and he tries to understand me.
He doesn't like say 'oh I don't understand you. What do you mean?' Not mean at all
S: It's quite easy in English to understand what somebody means
because a lot of the things that we get wrong with grammar in English
are small words like prepositions and articles
the perfect word order those are the kind of mistakes that most Japanese people make with English.
Y: Or articles? S: Yeah, articles.
S: But they usually have very good vocabulary
in terms of knowing which words mean which actions or whatever
It's usually quite easy if a person cares to listen.
They know what a person is saying
and especially because we're together like I understand a lot of time what she means
I understand what she's trying to get at
because of the situation when we are at a restaurant or whatever.
I mean it's usually it's easy for me to know what you mean
Y: But also he's really good at understanding people's feelings.
S: No. It's not true. Y: Yeah, you have a special talent.
S: No. I am a mean guy.
Y: Even (when) I couldn't speak well he understands me and then we have a perfect conversation.
S: Issues? Y: Not issues. S: Not serious issues.
I don't think that our cultural differences are that big.
I really don't feel they're that big.
Y: We don't care about like culture so much right? Which culture are you belonging to...
And we are having a relationship as a humans.
So we don't care about culture so much. If we're similar then similar.
Maybe do you feel some difficulties about cultural difficulties?
S: Only small difficulties. Y: Not a big thing.
S: You never tell me what you're thinking.
Like here's an example.
The other day we went to go see a movie.
So we get in the car. I was in quite a good mood
because we're gonna go see a movie that I was in.
so I was quite happy I was excited I put on some music quite loudly in the car.
And then halfway to the movie theater Yukari-chan got very quiet.
And stopped talking to me.
And I was wondering okay, what's wrong? Something's wrong. I can tell something wrong.
So I was worrying a little bit about what's wrong.
I bugged her for about 20 minutes 25 minutes or so.
'Hey are you okay? What's wrong? What is wrong? Tell me'
then when we were sitting down just before the movie began she said
'you played the music too loud in the car.'
'Because you told me not to play loud music before and you play loud music this time.
Y: No. You said you didn't wanna listen to my songs in my phone
But on the day you played YOUR songs.
S: So small thing. Y: Super small thing.
S: Most Canadian girls probably would have just said 'hey what are you doing?' in the car. Immediately.
Y: Maybe they yell at you. S: Yeah, they yell at me probably.
S: But Yukari-chan is very quiet...
Y: Like (Big sigh) S: Very Japanese.
Y: Get angry quietly.
S: She gets angry quietly.
Some times It would be nice if she gets angry loudly.
Something like that.
Y: Do you prefer? S: I prefer.
Y: Okay. I'll do that.
I think cultural differences is about food.
Not big thing. We're okay eating like western food and Japanese food so we can enjoy together.
But like when I feel sick I want some comfort food.
But your comfort food and my comfort food are different.
S: My comfort food is better.
Y: Not meaning like better or worse.
I want some udon or rice soup that kind of thing with Japanese taste.
I don't want to eat like super wastern food and when I'm sick.
S: Like pizza. Y: NO...
S: I don't know. I've never dated any Japanese guys.
Y: Okay. Good point is...
I think western guys treat girls equally. We have equal relationship.
In Japan, I think they still think like men should be like this, girls should be like this.
And girls have to do all housework, cook meal and take care of children
and guys work outside that kind of idea.
But here in Western countries they don't have those kind of things
and people treat each other really equally.
S: For the most part.
Y: So I think those kind of things are different.
Western people show their love with words and actions all the time.
Y: Japanese people don't do that. They don't say anything.
S: More reserved. Reserved means...
S: Kind of internal not external.
Y: And they don'y kiss so much or... I don't know but...
They don't show their feelings so much but here they do all the time
so I can feel happy all the time.
He takes me to like friends dinner or some social activities or everywhere.
That's quite Western couple thing.
But in Japan we don't do that. S: Interesting.
Y: We don't take a boyfriend to friends dinner. That's so weird yeah
S: Really? Y: That's so weird. S: Interesting.
Y: Company's Christmas party? No no no that's so weird.
So that's quite different. S: It's almost the exact opposite.
If you went to a like a company Christmas party here and you didn't bring your partner
people would be like 'is everything okay with your relationship?'
That's the reaction you they would have.
It's one of those things where it's like it's kind of expected. I don't know why but yeah.
Y: That's like culture difference.
And bad things is...
I think I don't know some Western songs or like actors or movies, old things
So when we go to Karaoke with his friends. Everybody sings English songs and
then everybody sings together but I have no idea. I don't know about the songs.
I cannot enjoy so much.
Or when they're talking about movies, old movies or actors I have no idea that kind of thing.
S: You have to study. Y: Yeah. I'm getting better I think.
But sometimes I feel sad because I don't know those kind of common things.
S: It's one of those things... I mean you've been here now for four years
so there's certain cultural things that come up again and again
now you know about you know.
But there's stuff that you know when people make references to 15 year old 20 year old movies.
That were super famous 20 years ago.
So everybody knows about them but of course you don't know about them
because now they were not famous in Japan just famous in North America maybe
It's one of those things that's just what it is.
Do you have any ideas that differences between dating Japanese girls and western girls?
I've only dated you so... Y: Me, too. I just dated you.
S: So not a huge sample size but like
you're much calmer than the other girls I've dated.
When you're upset about something, it's calm it's not...
Y: Just not talking.
S: It's not an angry type thing yeah I'm sure that's...
Y: I don't kick the table. I don't hit you.
S: Throwing my stuff around. Breaking things or... anything like that.
I don't know if this is a Japanese thing or Yukari thing but
you're very accepting of my life choices.
Y: A big crazy choices.
S: You know I mean you let me make my mistakes.
You don't try and say I should change or you don't say I should do things differently
you say like okay well it's your life go ahead you know do what you need to do
you've given me space to do that whereas I've had girlfriends in the past
that are a bit more controlling in terms of what they want.
Like the Japanese people I know my friends yourself like other people that I know
are much more accepting of a person's choices in their life.
Like it's your life you can... you have to do what you have to do.
Y: My image is like Western people are more accepting. S: Interesting.
Y: Because you're accepting too.
S: Yeah, but there's difference between like being accepting and being laid back, being casual.
Like being casual means that like you're like yeah okay no big deal...
And being accepting means that you're not judging somebody
and not holding information against them for their choices in their life.
Y: How about a bad point? S: Bad points?
Y: About dating Japanese girls? S: There is no bad points.
Y: Yeah, of course.
Absolutely nothing. S: I will say nothing.
S: I'm not stupid. Y: Oh yeah, you're not stupid.
So today we talked about our international relationship.
If you have some other like questions, you can leave some comments.
If you liked this video please leave thumbs up and please subscribe to my channel
and we'll talk next time. Bye!