>>>
>>> HAVE
>>> HAVE YOU EVER KEPT SOMETHING BOTTLED UP INSIDE
THAT EVENTUALLY YOU JUST
SNAPPED?
SNAPPED?
SNAPPED? YOU COULD UNINTENTIONALLY BE
HARBORING RESEVENTH.
HARBORING RESEVENTH. . KEEPING THOSE FEELINGS QUIET
CAN LEAD TO MAJOR
DAMAGE.
DAMAGE.
DAMAGE. SO HOW CAN YOU PREVENT
RESEVENTH.
RESEVENTH. WITHOUT RUINING YOUR
RELATIONSHIP?
RELATIONSHIP? JOINING ME TO DISCUSS IS NYSSA
GREEN, OUR COMMUNITY
CORRESPOND INCIDENT, MYRA SKY,
AND MICHELLE
AND MICHELLE DESHIELDS.
DESHIELDS. HELLO.
HELLO.
HELLO. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU CAME FROM A
MODEL SEARCH.
MODEL SEARCH. YOU LOOK GREAT.
NYSSA GREEN BROUGHT US A
BEVERAGE.
BEVERAGE.
BEVERAGE. >> A LITTLE BIT OF BLUEBERRY
LEMONADE WITH A TEENY
TINY BIT OF REAL AZUL TEQUILA.
JUST A LITTLE BIT.
>> LET'S GET INTO IT, LADIES.
RESEVENTH.
RESEVENTH. IS LIKE A CANS ROUSE TUMOR.
IF LEFT UNTREATED IT GROWS AND
GROWS UNTIL IT
SPREADS SO FAR THAT IT'S NOT
TREATABLE ANY MORE.
THAT WAS A DIRECT QUOTE.
OUCH.
OUCH.
OUCH. IS
OUCH. IS THERE A SOLUTION?
CAN WE BE AWARE OF THE SMALL
THINGS THAT CAUSE IT?
HERE ARE A FEW.
LET'S GET INTO IT.
YOU TELL ME IF YOU LADIES ARE
GUILTY OF ANY OF
THESE.
THESE.
THESE. THE FIRST ONE IS FAILING TO OWN
UP TO YOUR MISTAKES.
>> IT'S A NO-NO, AND IT DOES
TURN INTO RESENT.
.
.
. >>
. >> SOMEONE IS NOT GOING TO
ADMIT THEY'RE DOING
SOMETHING WRONG, THEN YOU'RE
ALWAYS GOING TO FEEL
UPSET WITH THAT PERSON.
>> WHAT IF THEY DON'T FEEL THEY
ARE DOING ANYTHING
WRONG?
WRONG?
WRONG? >>
WRONG? >> THEN THEY ARE IN WHAT I CALL
DENIAL.
DENIAL.
DENIAL. >> GUILTY.
>> GUILTY. YOU ALL JUST PRAY FOR THEM.
>> I KNOW IT SOMETIMES, AND I
THINK SOMETIMES YOU'RE
EMBARRASSED BY WHAT YOU'VE
DONE.
DONE.
DONE. YOU'RE EMBARRASSED TO SAY, "I
SCREWED UP."
SCREWED UP." IT'S HARD TO GET THROUGH THAT.
IT'S ALL,GO.
IT'S ALL,GO. AGAIN, PRAY FOR ME.
>> AND I THINK THAT IT COMES
WITH MATURITY.
WITH MATURITY. AT SOME POINT IN OUR LIVES,
WE'VE ALL, YOU KNOW, NOT
ADMITTED TO OUR FAULTS, OUR
MISTAKES, I THINK.
BUT AS YOU GET OLDER, OR AS WE
GROW IN OUR
RELATIONSHIPS, ANY, WE FEEL
COMFORTABLE WITH TELLING
THE TRUTH, OR BEING HONEST.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT. >> ARE YOU JUST TIRED AFTER
AWHILE.
AWHILE.
AWHILE. YOU'RE LIKE, "I'M TOO TIRED TO
HAVE A FIGHT."
EXPERTS SAY IT'S =LY IMPORTANT
FOR THE PARTNER ON
THE RECEIVING END OF THE
APOLOGY TO SUBPOENA IT AND
FORGIVE THIS IS ADDING IN.
YOU HAVE TO FORGET IT, TOO.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> YOU CAN'T KEEP GOING BACK TO
IT.
IT.
IT. >>
IT. >> THAT'S VERY TRUE.
>> YOU HAVE TO -- RIGHT WHEN
YOU SOLVE IT, YOU HAVE
TO SAY, "ARE WE DONE?
ARE WE CLEAR?
ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO SAY?
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE GOOD, I'M IN
THE GOING TO BRING IT
BACK UP, AND WE'RE DONE."
I HAVE SEEN IN PAST EXPERIENCE
WHEN YOU BRING IT
BACK UP, IT CREATES AND ISSUE
TOGETHER.
TOGETHER.
TOGETHER. >> I DON'T LIKE WHEN PEOPLE
SAY, "I'LL FORGIVE YOU,
BUT I WON'T FORGET."
IF YOU'RE KEEPING IT IN YOUR
MIND, IT AUTO GOING TO
COME UP AGAIN.
>> IT ALWAYS DOES.
>> AND WE ALWAYS SAY THAT, "I
CAN FORGIVE, BUT I'M
NOT GOING TO FORGET."
THAT'S REALLY HOLDING IT
INSIDE.
INSIDE.
INSIDE. >> YOU'RE HOLDING ON TO IT.
>> WE BECOME BITTER BECAUSE OF
IT.
IT.
IT. WE
IT. WE FEEL WE'VE BEEN WRONGED.
WE DON'T FORGET IT.
>> WE DO.
>> WE DO.
>> WE DO. >> I WAS RAISED IN A CATHOLIC
CHURCH, AND I DON'T
REMEMBER MUCH WHAT THE PRIEST
SAID, BUT I REMEMBER
ONE SUNDAY DURING MASS, HE SAID
THAT PART OF
FORGIVENESS IS THE FORGETTING
PART, AND IF YOU CAN
NOT FORGET, THEN YOU CAN IN THE
TRULY FORGIVE.
TRULY FORGIVE. AND IT IS A THING.
>> WITH ALWAYS SAY IT.
>> YOU REMEMBER THAT.
>> ALL RIGHT.
CONFIDING IN OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT
YOUR RELATIONSHIP
YOUR RELATIONSHIP ISSUES, THIS IS A BIG ONE.
CHESLEY AND I TALKED ABOUT IT
ON LOVE DOCTORS.
I THINK IT'S MUCH EASIER FOR
WOMEN TO DO IT.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> I WAS THINKING OF MYSELF
THAN MENTAL.
THAN MENTAL. I DON'T THINK MEN CONDITION
FOOD IN EACH OTHER THAT
WAY.
WAY.
WAY. >>
WAY. >> THEY TO.
THEY ACT LIKE THEY DON'T.
THEY DO.
THEY DO.
THEY DO. OBVIOUSLY THE SUBJECT MATTER
WILL BE COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT, BUT I'M SURE THEY
DO.
DO.
DO. >>
DO. >> SOMETIMES MEN TELL MORE THAN
WOMEN.
WOMEN.
WOMEN. BUT I SERIOUSLY THINK IT'S A NO-
NO.
NO.
NO. IT
NO. IT AUTO A BIG MISTAKE.
IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH YOUR
PARTNER OR SOMEONE
YOU OR IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH,
YOU NEED TO GO TO
THAT PERSON TO DISCUSS THE
ISSUE.
ISSUE.
ISSUE. HOW IS IT GOING TO GET
RESOLVED?
RESOLVED?
RESOLVED? AND WE ALL KNOW -- WE'VE HEARD
SOMEONE COMPLAINING
SOMEONE COMPLAINING ABOUT SOMETHING TO US, AND IT
MOVES AROUND THE WHOLE
SOCIAL MEDIA THE.
EVERYBODY IN THE CIRCLE KNOWS
ABOUT IT.
ABOUT IT.
ABOUT IT. >> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> THEY HOLD IT AGAINST YOU
LATER ON.
LATER ON.
LATER ON. >> THEY BRING IT UP, THEN JUDGE
THE PERSON
THE PERSON >> GOD MINORBID IF YOUR PARTNER
FINDS OUT ABOUT IT.
>> THEY GET UPSET.
IT CAUSES PROBLEMS.
>> I THINK IT'S BAD TO DO THAT.
YOU'RE NOT SOLVING BY
GOSSIPPING ABOUT THE PERSON
THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ON YOUR
TEAM.
TEAM.
TEAM. I
TEAM. I LIKE TO BE A SOUNDING
BACKYARD FOR MY FRIENDS.
BUT I TELL THEM, "YOU BETTER
NOT TELL SO-AND-SO.
SHE'S GOING TO HOLD IT AGAINST
YOU."
YOU."
YOU." SOME PEOPLE MAY HAVE YOUR BEST
INTEREST IN MIND.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
WE ALL KNOW THE THING ABOUT
DISCUSSING
DISCUSSING RELATIONSHIPS.
RELATIONSHIPS. YOU WILL FORGIVE AND BE HAPPY
IN A RELATIONSHIP, AND
THE PEOPLE YOU TALK TO ABOUT IT
ARE STILL LIKE THEY
DO.
DO.
DO. THEY'RE LIKE, "HE DID WHAT?"
YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON
AND TRY TO FORGIVE AND FORGET,
AND THEY'RE STILL
HOLDING ON TO IT.
HERE WE ARE IN THAT VICIOUS
CYCLE.
CYCLE.
CYCLE. >>
CYCLE. >> IT'S SO TRUE, NYSSA.
>> BREAKING THE CYCLE HERE
TODAY.
TODAY.
TODAY. >>
TODAY. >> ANOTHER BAD HABIT, EXPERTS
SAY, IS ASSUMING THAT
YOU KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR YOUR
PARTNER.
PARTNER.
PARTNER. YOU NEED TO ALLOW YOUR PARTNER
TO CHOOSE WHAT THEY
WANT TO DO, AND DON'T TRY TO
CHANGE THEIR MIND.
>> I AGREE.
I AM TOTALLY AGAINST TRYING TO
CHANGE SOMEONE.
CHANGE SOMEONE. YOU NEED TO LET THEM BE
THEMSELVES, AND THEN YOU CAN
WORK ON THE SMALL THINGS.
I DON'T THINK YOU NOD TO IT
WILL A PERSON WHAT THEY
NEED TO DO AND HOW THEY NEED TO
BE.
BE.
BE. THEY
BE. THEY END UP BECOMING SOMEONE
THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU.
>> AND I AGREE WITH THAT
TOTALLY.
TOTALLY.
TOTALLY. I DEFINITELY WANT TO TALK
EVERYTHING OUT.
EVERYTHING OUT. YOU KNOW, I WANT TO HARD YOUR
OPINION.
OPINION.
OPINION. BUT ULTIMATELY I'M GOING TO
MAKE THAT DECISION, YOU
KNOW, THAT FINAL DECISION.
I THINK WE SHOULD HASH THINGS
OUT, TALK ABOUT IT
TOGETHER.
TOGETHER.
TOGETHER. >> SURE.
>> SURE.
>> SURE. >> ULTIMATELY IT'S GOING TO BE
MY DECISION.
MY DECISION. OR INGREDIENT TO TRY TO IT WILL
YOU WHAT TO DO.
>> SURE AND WHAT DOES THIS
MEAN?
MEAN?
MEAN? I
MEAN? I THINK EVERY COUPLE SHOULD
HAVE A LIST OF
NON-NEGOTIABLES.
NON-NEGOTIABLES. WE BOTH WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN.
WE DON'T WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN.
IF IT'S LIKE LITTLE THINGS THAT
YOU'RE TRYING TO
GUIDE THEM TO MAKE A GOOD
DECISION.
DECISION.
DECISION. >> --
>> --
>> -- >>
>> -- >> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT. >> I GUESS THEY WOULD ASK YOU.
>> OR LOAD BY EXAMPLE, MAYBE.
>> THEY ADOPT ALWAYS ASK.
LEAD BY EXAMPLE.
>> YOU HAVE TO BE KARAT NOT TO
MIX IT UP WITH YOUR
STANDARD.
STANDARD.
STANDARD. OF COURSE, IF SOMEONE IS NOT
MEETING YOUR STANDARDS
WITH SOMETHING, IT COULD BE
SOMEONE THAT COULD HURT
YOU.
YOU.
YOU. THEN
YOU. THEN OF COURSE.
YOU DON'T SETTLE FOR THAT.
YOU HAVE TO HAVE A HEALTHY
BALANCE WITH THIS ONE.
IN THE DATING WORLD, WE ALL
KNOW.
KNOW.
KNOW. >>
KNOW. >> YOU HAVE YOUR HIS OF
NONNEGOTIABLES.
NONNEGOTIABLES. >> EXACTLY.
>> EXACTLY. YOU SEE IT, AND YOU KIND OF ARE
AWARE OF IT.
YOU LISTEN, WATCH, AND LEARN
ABOUT THE PERSONAL.
IF YOU DON'T THINK IT'S IN A
BLEND, THEN, YEAH, YOU
STEP AWAY.
STEP AWAY. YOU HAVE TO HAVE A BALANCE WITH
THAT ONE.
THAT ONE.
THAT ONE. >> BALANCE IS KEY.
>> THE NEXT ONE, THEY SAY, AND
THIS SEEMS SELF
EXPLANATORIRY.
EXPLANATORIRY. MAYBE IT'S NOT.
MAKING SARCASTIC COMMENTS OR
JOKE AT THE EXPENSE OF
YOUR PARTNER.
YOUR PARTNER. I HAVE HAD FRIENDS THAT IT'S SO
UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN
UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN WE'RE ALL OUT, AND THEY REALLY
LIKE TO GET AT EACH
OTHER.
OTHER.
OTHER. ARE YOU HAVING FUN, OR ARE YOU
REALLY MAD?
REALLY MAD? I DON'T KNOW.
SEEMS.
SEEMS.
SEEMS. >>
SEEMS. >> NO.
>> NO.
>> NO. MEAN.
MEAN.
MEAN. WHY
MEAN. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
>> IT'S ALWAYS WEIRDER FOR THE
PEOPLE AROUND THAN IT
IS -- BECAUSE IF THEY DO IT,
THAT'S THEIR THING.
THAT'S HOW THEY CLEARLY RUN
THEIR RELATIONSHIP.
THEIR RELATIONSHIP. BUT IT'S SO BAD FOR THE PEOPLE
AROUND HEARING AND
WITNESSING IT.
WITNESSING IT. >> I'VE PROBABLY SAID THAT
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE,
NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT.
>> NO.
>> NO.
>> NO. I
>> NO. I THINK I HAVE, TOO.
>> IT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT'S
HAPPENED ON, YOU KNOW,
A CONTINUOUS BASIS, BUT I THINK
I'VE PROBABLY SAID
SOMETHING BEFORE.
SOMETHING BEFORE. >> DO YOU HAVE AN EXAMPLE?
>> OR LIKE YOU EVER TAKE THE
TRASH OUT.
TRASH OUT. I DON'T KNOW.
OH, NOW YOU'RE ACTING LIKE YOU
LOVE OUR KIDS.
>> YOU'VE GOT TO DO THAT.
>> IF IT IS SOMETHING LIKE
THAT, YOU NEED TO CALM
DOWN.
DOWN.
DOWN. >>
DOWN. >> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT. >> TEASING EACH OTHER, HAVING
FUN WITH EACH OTHER IS
OKAY, RIGHT?
OKAY, RIGHT? >> ABSOLUTELY.
>> ABSOLUTELY. >> BUT IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT'S A
JAB, ADULTLY ADDRESS
IT.
IT.
IT. NOT
IT. NOT DURING THE TIME, BECAUSE OF
COURSE IT CAN GET
WORSE.
WORSE.
WORSE. BUT JUST AFTER EVERYBODY LIVES.
SAY, "OH, I DON'T THINK THAT
WAS -- I DON'T LIKE IT.
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT,"
OR, "YOU'VE DONE THAT
MORE THAN ONCE."
>> MY HUSBAND HAS SAID TO ME
BEFORE, "YOU KNOW, WHEN
IT'S SILENT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
FILL THAT SILENCE
WHEN WE'RE WITH A GROUP OF
PEOPLE."
PEOPLE."
PEOPLE." IT'S USUALLY SOMETHING
EMBARRASSING ABOUT MYSELF.
LIKE, "WHOA, NOBODY CARES ABOUT
THAT."
THAT."
THAT." >>
THAT." >> OKAY.
>> OKAY.
>> OKAY. SO LAST ONE REALLY QUICKLY --
THIS ONE I DO NOT
UNDERSTAND AT ALL, BUT I WANT
TO SKIP TO IT.
IT'S FEELING JEALOUS OF YOUR
PARTNER'S SKILLS.
PARTNER'S SKILLS. MAYBE YOUR PARTNER GOT A
PROMOTION WHILE YOU'VE BEEN
STRUGGLING FOR YEARS TO GET
NOTICED.
NOTICED.
NOTICED. EGG PARTS SAY, REMEMBER, IF
YOU'RE ON THE ON THE
SAME TEAM, THEIR SUCCESS IS
YOUR SUCCESS.
YOUR SUCCESS. >> I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH
SOMEONE WHO IS NOT AS
SUCCESSFUL AND DRIVEN AS ME.
YOU HAVE TO RISE TO THE TOP,
AND INSPIRE ME TO RISE
TO THE TOP, RISE TO THE TOP
TOGETHER.
TOGETHER.
TOGETHER. >> WE WANT THAT.
A WIN-WIN.
A WIN-WIN. >> A WIN-WIN SITUATION.
>> I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT.
IF YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP
WHERE YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR
PARTNER IS JEALOUS IF OF YOUR
HAPPINESS OR
HAPPINESS OR SUCCESS --
SUCCESS -- >> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. AND I THINK WE'VE HEARD THAT
BEFORE, ESPECIALLY, YOU
KNOW, WHEN MEN CAN'T TAKE THAT
WOMEN --
WOMEN --
WOMEN -- >> SUCCESSFUL WOMEN -- THINGS
LIKE THAT.
LIKE THAT. WE HAVE HEARD OF THAT ON THE
OPPOSITE SIDE.
OPPOSITE SIDE. ONE THINK WOMEN, FOR THE MOST
PART, WE CHEER YOU ON.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. KEEP ON RISING TO THE TOP.
>> ALL RIGHT, LAD DAYS.
WELL, YOU GUYS MOTIVATE ME.
SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE, CHEERS,
HAPPY FRIDAY.
HAPPY FRIDAY. >>> ALL RIGHT.
DON'T GO ANYWHERE, BECAUSE