Translator: Napakcha P. Reviewer: Peter van de Ven
Right now -
Right now,
your aorta is carrying oxygenated blood to your brain and around your body.
On February 19, 2013, my aorta broke inside my chest,
filling my body cavity
with the oxygenated blood my brain needed to survive,
starving my brain of the oxygen that it needed,
causing what one neurologist called a shower of strokes.
When that happened, my body basically decided to shut down,
and doctors were working feverishly to save my life,
and -
So, doctors were working feverishly to save my life.
I went into a coma, avoiding most of the drama.
Now, I was still in a coma.
(Laughter)
I was in a coma for almost three weeks,
and during that time,
I was evaluated for rehab when I first woke up,
and I was not able to do anything that they needed me to do.
So I was rejected.
And I still am rejecting this clicker.
(Laughter)
This is all a rejection.
So, there it is, I was rejected.
(Applause)
And that is where the real work began.
I needed to learn everything all over again.
When I first woke up from the coma, I couldn't move my arms,
I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk, I couldn't do anything.
They didn't want to take me
because I couldn't participate in my own recovery.
That is not something that they want.
When I was in Mount Sinai,
finally, I met a night nurse, one night, when I was getting put back into bed -
because I couldn't do anything for myself -
and I looked at her, and I said, "I'm just lucky to be alive."
She said, "Honey, you are not lucky. You are blessed."
In that moment, it clicked for me.
The language we use and the stories we tell ourselves
are incredibly important.
We can decide how we want to live our lives,
and I decided that I needed to accept what is,
let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.
I had been an editor at Scholastic Education.
That was not really in the cards for me anymore,
because I couldn't read and I couldn't write,
and that is exactly how I got my job
and what I was so good at.
So I needed to revamp everything.
In order to do that,
in order to learn a new language and start telling yourself a new story,
you need to use patience, guidance and practice -
to learn any new language.
To develop patience was tough for me.
I was the kind of person
who used to grab my jacket and my list of errands
and run out the door,
on to the next, on to the next, on to the next.
I couldn't do that anymore.
I could barely even run out the door
without thinking I was going to trip over my own feet.
I had wonderful people in my life who came.
At first they took me on walks,
kind of like a puppy ...
but still, I went, because I knew
that those walks were a lot more about allowing myself to be guided.
This was a huge shift for me.
I needed to learn patience in order to do that,
in order to just put on my jacket to go out the door for one of those walks.
It still sometimes takes me 20 minutes.
Incredibly frustrating for the people watching,
but it's my 20 minutes and I like to do it myself.
That also takes practice,
and I needed people to help me practice.
So I went along with meditation.
One of my very dear friends introduced me to this amazing practice
that I can use to develop
a whole new language and a whole new appreciation of life.
And meditation is definitely a practice;
it's something that you have to continue to do.
I was out at an event,
and a woman that I barely knew, but had met, came over to me,
and she said, "I know that you're struggling,
and when I struggle
this is something that I say to myself to keep me moving."
She said, "I say, 'Today is today, and I'm glad it's today.'"
She looked me in the eyes, she held my hands in hers,
and she said, "Repeat after me: Today is today, and I'm glad it's today."
I still do that often when I'm struggling.
Another one of the wonderful things
that I learned in this whole opening up my mind
to new ways of thinking and new ways of language
was the idea of choosing again.
This is one of my favorite lessons
from a meditation guru, Gabrielle Bernstein.
She always says, "Choose again:
whatever is happening, you can choose to see it in a new way."
And I do that often.
When things occur in my life,
we often have experiences that we don't like, we don't want,
but we need to accept them.
And the only thing to do is to choose a new way to look at it.
And I choose again often.
I recently made a batch of brownies for a party I was going to.
Now, I am of an age
where making a batch of brownies should not be a major feat.
However, when you can't read the directions on the box of brownies,
when you can't scoop the batter out of the bowl,
you need help.
And I needed help at the eleventh hour.
I needed somebody to crack the eggs for me;
I needed somebody to help me scoop the batter;
I needed somebody to make sure that it went in the oven
and not all over the oven.
It's not how you start, it's how you finish,
because those brownies were amazing.
(Laughter)
I once cracked open a fortune cookie and read the following:
"You cannot change the direction of the wind,
but you can adjust your sails."
I encourage everyone not to wait to crack open.
Go ahead and adjust your sails.
Thank you so much and Happy Birthday!
(Applause)