The 72nd annual Emmy Awards.
It's the Oscars
for people who are just slightly less attractive.
And I have a good feeling this year, guys.
Not just because The Daily Show is nominated
but because I was also the actor
who played Baby Yoda.
(chuckles): Yeah. I know, you can't tell.
The makeup team did a terrific job.
I just want to say thank you again to everyone.
Thank you so much, guys.
But it's not just the Emmys. This weekend is also
the first and hopefully last Pandemmy Awards,
which honor the most notable performances
during the coronavirus pandemic.
And I know you've probably never heard of the Pandemmys
because we just made them up,
but everybody's talking about it.
And the best part is you guys are gonna vote.
Yeah, you at home. You're gonna vote for the winners.
And, honestly, I don't envy you
because there are a dozen categories this year
with some really tough choices.
For instance, who do you think should win
for one of my favorite matchups:
Most Optimistic Performance?
ANNOUNCER: The nominees for the Most Optimistic Performance are
Larry Kudlow for "We Have Contained This."
We have contained this virus.
We have contained this. I won't say airtight,
but pretty close to airtight.
ANNOUNCER: Elon Musk for "April."
Elon Musk tweeted, "Based on current trends,
"probably close to zero new cases
in the United States, too, by the end of April."
ANNOUNCER: Mike Pence for "Memorial Day."
Jared Kushner for "Really Rockin' Again."
I think you'll see by June,
a lot of the country should be back to normal,
and the hope is is that b-by July,
uh, the country is really rockin' again.
ANNOUNCER: Donald Trump
for "Like a Miracle, It'll Disappear."
It's going to disappear.
One day-- it's like a miracle-- it will disappear.
Ooh,
how do you even decide?
I mean, you have to love Donald Trump
unless you're Melania.
But-but don't underestimate rockin' Jared Kushner.
We're rocking! We're rocking!
Oh, man, he was so optimistic.
He didn't just predict the end of the pandemic.
He was making plans to go to the club afterwards.
And knowing Jared, he probably gets to the club
right when it opens at 7:30 p.m.
"The most important thing is for us to get
prime space on the dance floor."
Oh, and you know which category I'm also super psyched for?
Best Stunt Coordination.
I mean, it is so inspiring
to see what truly talented Pandemmy nominees
can accomplish without even saying a word.
ANNOUNCER: The nominees for Outstanding Stunt Coordination
are Congressman Jerry Nadler.
(Jill chuckling)
Oh, boy. Joe Biden got tangled up in that mask
like it was a long sentence.
And as for Jerry Nadler,
if he can do stunt work like that with a mask,
imagine what he could do
when he's taking off that kente cloth.
Cirque du Soleil would be proud.
Now, one of the great things about the Pandemmys
is that unlike other award shows,
it's not just about the famous people.
No. Normal folks get to be nominated, too.
I mean, maybe "normal" isn't the right word.
You'll see what I mean.
ANNOUNCER: The nominees for Best Karen are...
Pigs! You're ... Democratic pigs!
All of you!
That man harassed me for not wearing a mask!
I have a breathing problem!
My doctor would not let me wear a mask!
So, anyone harassing me to wear a mask,
you guys are violating federal law! You get that?
You don't need a mask.
I have a right to my pizza.
I have a right to get my order.
Over a dumbass (bleep) mask.
Look it up. (bleep)
It's (bleep) dumb.
I don't give a (bleep).
(cries out)
MAN: Oh, Lord!
And this woman is (bleep) I Am Legend.
-That bitch tried to... -(man 2 screaming)
(man laughs)
MAN 2: She's doing the same shit!
(screams)
What a performance.
That woman was tonguing the door like they went to prom together.
Such passion.
And this is an exciting category,
because, remember, no matter who wins,
the loser will call 911 and ask to speak to the manager.
I'm telling you, my friends,
the 2020 Pandemmys are gonna be sick.
I mean, like fever, dry cough, loss of smell sick.
So if you want to join in,
all you need to do is go to PandemmyAwards.com
to watch all the videos and vote for your favorites.
Oh, and one last thing.
There was a special honorary Pandemmy this year,
and there's only one person who could deserve that,
President Donald Trump.
ANNOUNCER: The Pandemmys extends a special honor to Donald Trump
for Outstanding Achievement in Self-Editing.
If we didn't do it, you would have had a million people,
a million and a half people,
maybe two million people dead.
Now we're going toward...
50, I'm hearing, or 60,000 people.
60, maybe 65,000.
65,000 people.
70,000. It's far too many.
One person is too many.
75. 80.
80 or 90,000 people.
They have minimum numbers of 100,000.
So we have between 100 and 200,000.
100,000 to 240,000 deaths.
And we're below that substantially,
and we'll see what comes out.
Wow, guys.
Something tells me he's gonna win that award next year, too.
Remember to vote now at PandemmyAwards.com
and join us on Monday to find out who won.