Marnie: Hi I'm Marnie. Maddie: And I'm Maddie Bruce.
Marnie: And today we're talking about keeping secrets
Marnie: Everyone has secrets they can be big or small they can make you feel really
excited or they can make you feel really scared, what kind of secrets are there Maddie?
Maddie: So you can have secrets about a surprise birthday party or at school if
someone fancies someone.
Marnie: And those can be really exciting it can feel like something that
you've got - yeah, you've got to look forward to and things like that.
What are the other types of secrets you can have?
Maddie: I mean there are bad kind of secrets for
example if someone confides in you if they are maybe feeling low if something
is going on with their relationship that they're not happy about things like that.
Maddie: And it can also be something that someone's sort of making you keep as
well, so it could be like maybe a relationship that someone doesn't really
want you to share, and that could be a bad secret.
Maddie: And it I mean it doesn't make you
feel good it's not a good secret to keep.
Marnie: Exactly and what sort of things should
you do in that situation.
Maddie: If it makes you feel really really uncomfortable and if
you're having you know sleepless nights about it I think that's when you need to
tell you know an adult or a teacher or someone.
Marnie: Yeah and it might feel like the
opposite thing you should be doing.
Maddie: Yeah, I mean I've personally done it I have
had to break my trust with a friend because I was genuinely concerned for
their behaviour, I actually had to call the police on them because I was worried
about them doing something and they were so so so angry with me but I just
thought you know it's worth it they can hate me right now they can you know
think whatever about me but as long as they're safe and that's what matters.
Marnie: When you're really worried about that person's safety, that's when you
need to get help you know I can have a really big effect on you as well for keeping that secret
Maddie: I know because obviously if it's your friend you don't want them to hate
you and you know especially with my friend they were in a very low place and
they couldn't quite see that I was trying to help them they just thought
you know I was against them why wasn't I letting them do what they wanted to do I
was worried about this person's safety and they had made it clear to me that they
were very suicidal, first of all I told my parents cuz that's the first thing is
was like, what do i do what do i do and it was my parents that helped me call the police.
Marnie: And it sounds like your parents were there to kind of give you that
outsiders perspective, the fact that you needed to call the police in that moment.
Maddie: Because my parents have been there with me and my mental health problems
it's different because it would usually
be me being that person you know that the police needs to be called on I mean
that's - my parents have you know they've done that in the past they've
called emergency doctors to ask for advice but like me being in that
situation as well was really really different.
Marnie: So when you're going through a tough time
it can be really hard to actually tell someone.
Maddie : So I actually didn't tell my parents they ended up finding out by accident you know because
I think a lot of people when they feel that way they're so so so scared to tell
their parents because you know they feel ashamed it's this huge secret I find
especially with self-harm and self-harm is involved it's saying that people
really really don't want people to know which is like kind of the opposite with
what people think about self-harm but as soon as my parents did know I actually
didn't want them to help me at that point I was really really low and I
didn't understand why my parents wanted to help me I just thought why can't they
just let me be like this obviously looking back at it I'm very grateful
that they did take me to hospital at those times because I wouldn't be here today.
Marnie: If you don't feel comfortable talking to your parents or carers who
else could you talk to you?
Maddie: So I think friends definitely or close family if
you feel more comfortable talking to your auntie or whoever and also teachers at school.
Marnie: Exactly it can be really good to find that person outside of your
family or your friends that you can talk to you aren't in that situation so
whether that's a counsellor, whether that's a doctor or even Childline as well.
And when you're telling someone your secret what's it important to remember?
Maddie: Make sure that it's someone that you trust and also if you're not ready for
that secret to be told to anyone else I think it's important to let them know
that I mean you might just be telling your best friend because you want them
to come along to your first doctor's appointment with you when I was at
school I think my best friend was the only person that knew
i self-harmed she didn't tell anyone although she was worried about me and
she encouraged me to tell other people and to get help she kept her word and I
really really appreciated that.
Marnie: How can you cope if someone tells your secrets?
Maddie: Istead of you know maybe being really angry with them sit back and think okay
like what was your reason for going to them and try and understand from their perspective.
Marnie: Definitely because again it could be that they are doing it because
they are what worried about you because they care about you
and they thought that that was the best thing to do.
So if you're gonna reach out and
get support from someone outside of your family and friends like a teacher or a
school counselor or a doctor or even Childline how do you know if they're
going to be able to keep your secrets?
Maddie: I think in each instance it's really
important wherever you go to ask them about their confidentiality policies
because they do vary you have the right to ask and I know so many people that
have for example been to the doctors by themselves when they thought that their
parents were going to have to come with them or that their parents were going to
find out and they haven't and it's all been okay.
Marnie: And if you want to know more
about what stays private with Childline you can find out more in the description
below and it's important to remember that talking to someone is a really
positive step.
Maddie: Yeah I think actually just confiding in someone shows that you are
kind of ready to open up and talk to people and I think for me that was the
first step in my recovery with mental illness.
Marnie: There's always someone that you
can talk to you when you feel ready well thank you so much for coming in today
Maddie: Thank you so much for having me.
Marnie: And we'll see you next time goodbye
you