- Hi, I'm Jessie Paege, and this is the story
of the time I had a ball in Austria.
Last summer, I went to Vienna,
and I went to this LGBTQ+ event, and it's called Life Ball.
It's an event for the LGBTQ+ community
that brings HIV awareness.
It's a super glamorous event,
and everyone wears like big ballgowns
and gets super dressed up.
So every year, there's a theme,
and this year was Wizard of Oz,
and every color was a different part of the community,
so I was a person from Emerald City, and I wore green,
and all the bisexuals also wore green.
For the after party, the green dress like kinda
made me look like Shrek, so I decided to change
in to this dark blue moon dress
with all these stars on it matching my hair.
And to top it all off, I had a huge rainbow flag
painted in between my boobs.
So the year before, I was like super nervous
to go out and mingle at the party.
I just wanted to be in my hotel room,
and wanted to be in bed, and I feel like I just missed out
on the after party and all of its glory.
So this year, I decided to go out of my comfort zone,
and I had this goal to kiss at least one person
at the after party.
I thought this might be one of the last opportunities
I have to go, so I was like, why not go all out?
I had a wingman with me, it was my friend Gabe.
He was wearing super, super, super tight pants,
and very, very charming makeup.
I forgot to mention, he was rocking purple hair,
and I had blue hair, so we basically looked
like an anime duo.
We also had a tour guide with us, his name was Charlie.
He also spoke Austrian, so he helped translate for us.
So Gabe and I made a plan for how I was gonna get my kiss.
He had a whole process.
During the first hour, we make laps around the venue,
we make eye contact with people,
and see who also makes eye contact with you,
and assess your options.
Then during the second hour,
when people were a little more tipsy,
we'd approach people and flirt.
So we started making our rounds,
and Gabe informs me that this tall, very European,
blue eyes, blonde hair, tan man has been looking at me.
I looked over, and he was gorgeous, and he was making eyes.
But we lost him on the second lap.
We decided to call him Mystery Man.
We kept making laps looking around at people,
and I kept looking for Mystery Man.
Then Gabe finally says, "It's time to start making moves."
I started getting nervous thinking about
how I was gonna kiss someone by the end of the night.
I was trying to decide who to talk to first,
but before I could, someone came up to talk to me.
Actually, it was two people,
they came up to talk to our tour guide Charlie
to figure out how to talk to us.
But they were a DJ duo from Austria,
and they both thought I was attractive.
They were wearing matching white tracksuits
with the name of whatever their band was
on the back of it.
They told Charlie, our tour guide,
that they wanted to hang out and get to know me.
The whole time, they were making
like little kissy faces at me, and winking,
the whole nine yards.
I was flattered, but I ended up just kind of politely
bowing out of the conversation.
I wasn't really feeling it,
and they were also just kind of, I don't know,
not my type.
Then from across the room, I saw this really pretty girl
with long red hair, and a beige tracksuit.
I hadn't seen her on any of our earlier laps,
and I swear, I think she was angel, she was way too pretty.
She had a group of friends with her,
and it made approaching her even more intimidating,
but I mustered up my courage, and I walked up to her,
and tried to start a conversation.
She got this confused look on her face,
and I was like, oh no, I'm already embarrassing myself,
this was not a good idea.
But then I realized she just looks confused
because she doesn't speak English.
So I sent in Charlie to talk to her for me,
and Charlie walked back over, and I'm like, oh no,
she's not that in to me.
And then Charlie says, "She's straight."
So I was like, okay, at least that's a softer rejection
than if she was gay and just wasn't in to me.
So far, it wasn't looking great to get my kiss,
and mystery man was still nowhere in sight.
So we make another lap or two,
and I'm just feeling exhausted and rejected.
At this point, I was so tired, and over making laps,
and making eyes at people, but I also wanted
to achieve my goal of getting a kiss.
So I just decided to go for it.
I beckoned the DJ boys over,
and they just came right up tote,
and I asked one of them if they want to kiss me.
Without hesitating, he jumps right in.
Right after we kissed, he was like,
"Wow, that amazing, but I have a girlfriend,
"I hope that doesn't change anything."
So I tell him it's a problem,
and I grab Gabe, and we get out of there.
We say goodnight to Charlie,
and we go up to our hotel room.
Right as we're heading out, I see him, Mystery Man.
I'm thinking, oh my God, this is fate, it's all happening.
I lock eyes at him, and I think he's looking at me,
but I realize he's locking eyes
with someone directly behind me.
I turn around, and it's the girl with long red hair.
She walks over to him, and puts her arms around him,
and they kiss.
Gabe and I looked at each other,
and we just die laughing.
Then we just went to our hotel, and watched TV,
and ordered room service.
So to be honest, that was the best part of the night,
and what we should have done from the beginning.
So I guess the moral of the story
is don't go out and do things.
Stay in and watch movies with your friends.
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