- So, if you'd like to do this,
please just find a comfortable position.
It's only gonna take about 10 minutes
and then maybe we can have another couple of minutes
to share the experience.
But you can,
if it feels right to you, allow your eyes to close.
And this practice is the self compassion break.
It's the most popular informal practice.
It can be done anytime during the day when you need it.
And it corresponds to the three components
of self compassion that Kristin Neff had identified.
So to begin, please do think about a problem
in your life right now,
as we all have problems in our lives.
And the problem could be a health problem.
Or it could be a relationship problem,
friend, or family.
Or it could be a work problem,
maybe you have Zoom fatigue.
Who knows what it may be.
It could be a financial problem.
You could even be a really concerned about someone else.
Perhaps you have a relative who has COVID.
Or maybe you have a child
that is suffering in some way.
And when you think about this person, it gets you,
it causes some stress, you know.
So please think about a problem in your life
that creates some stress.
And please let it be a problem that's more,
say a three or a four on a scale of one to ten.
And please just raise your hand,
if you need a little more time.
I'm going to be looking in the gallery view
for any hands that are up.
So I don't see any hands up,
which means everybody's found a situation
that's a problem right now.
And so I'd like to invite you to feel your way into it.
That is to say, to visualize if there are any people,
who those people may be.
If there are any words that might be shared,
what is the conversation?
If there is a particular concern that you have
to bring that to mind.
And mostly for the sake of this exercise,
giving yourself permission to feel the uneasiness of it.
That's why it's called a problem.
Seeing if you can feel it in your body
when you think about it.
And it could be just a general sense of uneasiness.
And then noticing in particular where in your body
you may feel at the most.
Maybe it's in your forehead or your face
or your throat, your chest, solar plexus, abdomen.
Is there a region where this
discomfort or stress lingers?
And then offering yourself the simple validation
or recognition that this is hard.
This is not easy, this is difficult.
This is stressful.
And seeing for a moment if you can just make a little room
for that stressful experience,
rather than wishing it were not so in this moment.
Just allowing it to be so just for now.
And if you like,
maybe even naming the emotion associated with this problem.
Is it fear? Is it anger?
Is it sadness?
Is it shame?
Is it confusion?
Can you name it for yourself in a kind way,
in a validating way?
Like, "Oh yeah, this is..."
And again, making some room or space for this feeling, too.
Letting it be so, and why?
Because this is part of the human experience.
Others in the same situation are likely
to feel quite similarly.
And if you think, "No, no, no.
"Only I'll feel like that."
Think, is there any one person
who might really understand what it's like for you?
Is there anybody who would know?
And also allowing yourself to be aware
that suffering is a part of living.
Stress is a part of living.
That as long as we live, we experience stress
and often not in a good way.
That life can be hard.
It's not equally hard for everybody all the time,
but it has hard times.
This is part of living.
So just feeling that sense of common humanity,
that when I feel like this,
it is a sign that I am actually human and alive.
This is part of it.
Now connecting again with a place in your body
where you were most likely to feel the discomfort,
wherever it was.
And seeing if you can bring a hand, you know,
to that part of your body.
Just gently placing a hand over that part of the body
that is either feeling the emotion
or feeling the physical stress of this problem.
Remembering the problem again so you don't forget.
Feeling it in your body and just offering,
as an act of kindness, gentle or supportive touch.
Just allowing yourself to feel the touch and the warmth.
And now imagine that you had a dear friend
who might've found themself in the same situation.
Imagine that.
Same problem, identical problem, someone else, same problem.
And you only had a minute or two with this friend,
what would you say, heart to heart, to your friend?
What would come out of your mouth?
How would you behave?
Actually, what would you say?
What message would you like your friend
to hear from you, heart to heart
if your friend had this problem?
If your friend were to walk through the day
just remembering your words, what would they be?
Just, what message, what phrase
do you think your would like your friend to remember
from your heart?
And now feeling the gentle touch of your hand on your body,
please begin to offer yourself the same words
that you offered to your friend.
And also in the same tone, in the same way.
With warmth, with kindness.
Giving yourself this message over and over again.
And noticing how it feels to offer yourself these words.
what goes on in your body,
what goes on in your emotional heart.
And now beginning to release this little exercise,
release the practice, release the situation.
And just notice what it's like now to have a human body.
What is it like to be in your human body right now?
And seeing if you can let yourself feel
exactly as you feel now.
Letting it be like this, not any other way.
And also allowing the exercise to have been
just as it was, no different, same.
Making room and space, just letting it, the exercise,
to have been just the way it was.
And mostly, first and foremost, if only for this one minute,
allowing yourself to be just as you are.
imagine that for one moment,
complete moratorium on fixing anything, on improving.
Just for now to let yourself be exactly as you are,
just like this.
And then finally, before we open our eyes, just to review,
there are three parts to this self compassion break.
The first is mindfulness.
Knowing what we're experiencing while we're experiencing it.
Physically, emotionally.
Making room for it, naming it, validating it.
Part two, remembering that we are not alone
even though we may feel alone.
That suffering is a part of the living.
And then part three, kindness, because life is not easy.
Offering kindness physically through touch.
Offering kindness verbally through language.
And offering that kindness to yourself.
Part three, self kindness.
Three parts which you can practice anytime,
singly or together.
When you're ready to please slowly and gently
opening the eyes.