Okay. And so now we're moving to Illinois. And is it, uh, let's see,
it's trying to connect. Hi, is it Evan? I'm talking to
Hi, Evan. How may we help you today?
Hi Joe. Hey, um, thank you, um, for picking up, uh, really speaking to me,
uh, but why can I be separated for five months now? Um,
she walked about 15 minutes away from where we used to live. Uh,
we have three kids, a five year old, three year old and a two year old.
Um, I've actually been working on you guys. Um, um, you know,
YouTube trying to also, um,
all the videos working on their pies and it's really been helping, uh,
helpful to me. Uh, we go to the same church. Um, so, uh,
she comes to church, you know, proud to her leaving. She didn't want to come,
but right after she left, she come to church on every, every Sunday.
Um, if she doesn't work, um,
I actually have been closed my doors on her in terms of changing my,
um, my, my, my, my, my locks, my keys, uh,
my garage code and all that. Everything is just the same. Um,
she comes back and forth, you know, to the house, uh, because of the kids. Um,
I leave work early or that should come to get our kids ready. You know,
sometimes in the past two weeks she's been coming down on Sunday,
strive to get my girls, uh, fix the,
I had taken their clothes that they wear and all that.
So those are positives for me. However, um,
just this black Friday and, um, Monday, um,
she's been ordering, um, flat screen TV, um,
buying computers by colleges and sofa.
So she basically putting in have place opt, you know,
that she actually really got an auto, this marriage and all that. Um, um,
I, I recently came across wonderful videos on how to,
you know, espouse, you know, to come for this workshop.
And I really wanted to do this because I know that this is my last shot,
you know, in trying to get my wife back, um, reasons for her leaving.
Um, there was a lot of issues. Um, uh, it's a lot of, you know,
in terms of, I know I, I had some push, you know, push behaviors, you know,
uh, on the second page on how to get ourselves better.
And I know that came from my background because my dad, you know,
suffered a lot in terms of, you know,
taking care of us kids because she didn't get help from my mom.
Okay. May I ask her a couple of questions here? If I may,
how do you know that she's ordering these things?
So, um.
Um, I was home Friday night when, um, I got a text message.
So we have a best buy card. You know, that the two of us,
I saw an account and I got a text message about, Hey, a fraud, you know?
So the things that you're buying,
she's buying things in that you will be part of paying for, is that correct?
No, she buying a TV and then she buying a laptop. I mean, I have a TV.
But if it's on the joint card,
did I hear you say that this was when a card there's a joint card between the
two of you?
Yes. Okay.
So you will be paying for part of these.
You'll be paying part of the payments yourself.
No, no, no. She'll be paying it. It has saw,
I just happened to get that notification because I'm also on the account. So I,
I, I, from, from instinct, I just said no,
because I thought somebody was for lately using my card until I called her
later. And then she said, yeah, she does best buy.
Okay. I got that. So you're not actually supporting that.
You're not actually paying for her to set up her own place. Now,
how may we help you? What's your specific question? My friend.
So my specific question is I'm trying to get hat, um, for us to come,
you know, the wet shop,
one of my friends last week, you know,
we go to the same church. I actually stepped in. And then he was like,
how are you guys talking? You know, I done done the kids. You know, like, no,
we're not, you're not talking to me not saying anything.
But she mentioned to him that she really wanted a closure on
seven things before.
Probably so basically this friend came to me and they were told, Hey, your wife,
at some point, you guys have to talk, whatever it is, you guys have to talk.
So are you open to listening to her on whatever, that's your house closure with?
I'm like, sure. I need you to listen to her.
This person, this friend,
is this friend somehow qualified to know what he's doing with here?
Or is he just a friend?
Yeah. Um, um, what was the question again?
Is he a pastor? Is he a counselor?
Is this this guy who's telling you that you need to do these things?
He's no, he's actually a church leader.
So he doesn't know what I'm doing right now in terms of he can
do this, but I had to open up with him. I'm like, okay.
Now what I'm hearing you ask, if I'm hearing you correctly,
the question you're asking is that you realize that our workshop might be your
last chance and that you're trying to figure out how to ask her to come to the
workshop. Now,
if that's the question and understand that people really want to share
all the information because of the fact that it's like,
I want you to understand me.
And I appreciate that when I asked you guys also to appreciate is that we only
have one hour to talk to as many people as possible.
And so the basic information here, I think we have is enough.
If you anybody out there thinking, okay,
we want to go to the marriage helper workshop.
We hear that you guys have a great level of success.
And we do can we do three out of four couples that come through our workshop,
actually turn it around and put it back together again.
And what makes it so blooming significant is that probably 80,
maybe even 90% of the couples that walk in the door.
One of them is already gone and they don't want to be there in his or her mind.
This is over. There is no chance. Now we don't manipulate. We don't coerce.
We don't, we don't put people's arms.
We don't do anything that's crazy or weird, or we just teach.
But we teach them really, really powerful information.
And then the structure of the workshop,
instead of where that nobody feels uncomfortable,
everybody's treated with great respect. Nobody feels they're being put upon.
And so it's not like moist this, this thing. If I take them over there,
then you're going to verbally hypnotize my spouse and get him or her to
stay. We don't do that. All we do is we teach them really good material.
And because it is so good and the workshop is so powerful,
three out of four couples do decide to stay together.
But that doesn't mean four out of four.
There are still people who make the decision. I don't want to be there. Now,
the question becomes how in the world can connect,
convince my spouse to try the workshop with me.
Then you need to understand what your spouse is looking for.
What does your spouse want? What is their motivation? Right? So for example,
in this case, he said, my spouse, his motivation is she wants closure closure.
Then, then that's what you're doing. You're saying, okay, if we want closure,
let's go to this workshop together because they'll be talking about all cancer
things about relationships that will help us understand how we got to where we
got. If we wanted to put it back together, I wouldn't do it. If we just want,
even if we don't set aside to stay together,
but want to still be friends because we have children or whatever else,
this is how we do it.
And so if you really want closure to understand how it happened and how do we
move on from here, then I've got a solution is to come to that workshop. Now,
if you're, if somebody else is listening saying,
but that's not my spouse's motivation.
My spouse's motivation is I just want to get this divorce over with as quickly
as possible. And that's all they want.
We've had many couples come to the workshop where that the spouse that we call
the sanding spouse, the spouse, that would like to see the marriage continue.
We'll make a deal where.
Where they, they say,
I will agree to sign the divorce papers or to give you something else that
you're wanting in the divorce. If you will agree to go to this workshop with me,
two key things here, number one,
be actually be willing to do the things that you say you're going to do. No.
If it's signing the papers or giving them something, don't say, well,
I'm just going to say this and then not do it. That's going to be terrible.
But the other thing is you want to agree to do those things after the workshop,
don't do it before, because then you've lost your leverage. So to say,
and what what's going to make them want to come. They have what they want.
So you want to do it after the workshop, after they participate,
all of those kinds of things. And we do, yes, we do have people do that.
But what we, you know, a lot of times,
what we see is people when they approach their spouse,
instead of trying to figure out what is their spouse wanting?
They go with what they're wanting. So, you know,
if I were trying to convince my husband to go with me and he was wanting out of
the marriage, I, if I went to him and said,
I just want to see if we can save this marriage,
but he doesn't want to then automatically, Nope. Not going to do it.
That's not what he wants. But if I speak to him in his language,
what he's wanting for getting what I want right now,
that's when the best chance is going to happen.
Right. But not just that they come to the workshop,
but that they actually participate. Now, we don't do anything weird.
Like they don't have to turn, hold their hands, look in your eyes.
And profess undying love that. Does it?
That happened to us. Yes. That happened to you. The one,
one thing, Robin, I went to that happened. We had to do our workshops,
workshop, something else that we went to unmarried,
another marriage conference type thing we went to, we had to do that. And we,
and we have a great marriage and it was awkward. Like that was weird. But.
Glad you explained that.
I thought you were saying that that happened in my workshop. I was going to go,
what the heck? No, we don't do that. Now we don't do that.
We don't do that. There's no trust falls.
And so you couldn't. And so you can actually tell your spouse,
I want you to participate, but there's nothing weird or strange.
Everything we do is pretty mild. And sometimes it'll be like this. Well,
we'll learn a lot of principles about how to deal with our kids.
Now don't tell them it's a parenting workshop because that's a lie.
It's not a parenting workshop. It's a workshop to help people.
If they choose to fix their marriage and make it better. And in say together,
if they choose to do that, it's a workshop about marriage.
But the principles we teach almost every one of them is directly applicable to
children about here's how you also can be a better parent,
but it's not a parenting workshop.
So what we're saying is find out what's important to the person and offering
trade. Now, they still may not get accepted, but if you offer the trade,
as you said, you have to keep the trade.
You cannot back out and do it differently. You said, well,
what if I agreed that, uh, if, if,
if my husband or wife goes to the workshop that after the workshop,
I'll sign the divorce papers. If they still want to have them signed,
then that's what you do.
So don't promise that if you're not going to do that. Okay,
interesting. It was not that long ago.
We had a guy that actually had the very end semi. I say,
something walked in front of the room and said,
I only came because my wife said she had the papers.
And he told them up in front of the group. We love seeing that,
but understand that could have gone just the other way. So don't make a promise.
You won't.
[Inaudible].