YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HAD A GOOD WEEKEND, DONALD TRUMP.
>> Jon: OH.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
OVER THE WEEKEND, TRUMP GAVE A COMMENCEMENT SPEECH AT LIBERTY
UNIVERSITY.
THAT'S A FIRST FOR HIM.
TRUMP UNIVERSITY SPEECHES ARE USUALLY GIVEN AS DEPOSITIONS.
( APPLAUSE ) THAT'S A SOLID JOKE.
AND IT WOULDN'T BE A TRUMP SPEECH IF HE DIDN'T START BY
BRAGGING ABOUT HOW MANY PEOPLE SHOWED UP TO SEE HIM.
>> THE INSPIRING LEGACY THAT WE SEE ALL AROUND US IN THIS GREAT
STADIUM-- THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL STADIUM AND IT IS PACKED.
I'M SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT.
I SAID, 'HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FILL UP A PLACE LIKE THAT?'
IT IS PACKED, JERRY.
>> STEPHEN: DOES EVERYTHING WITH THIS GUY HAVE TO BE ABOUT CROWD
SIZE?
OF COURSE, THAT STADIUM WAS PACKED WITH GRADUATES.
IT'S GRADUATION!
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T WANT TO BURST YOUR
BUBBLE, BUT -- YOU'RE THE OPENING ACT FOR A
PIECE OF PAPER.
( LAUGHTER ) AND TRUMP HAD SOME SOLID,
GENERIC WORDS OF WISDOM.
>> REMEMBER THIS, NOTHING WORTH DOING EVER, EVER, EVER CAME
EASY.
>> STEPHEN: GREAT ADVICE FROM A GUY WHO JUST GOT AN HONORARY
DEGREE.
( LAUGHTER ) AND HE HAD SOME SAGE ADVICE FOR
THE GRADUATES AS THEY STEP INTO THE ADULT WORLD.
>> A SMALL GROUP OF FAILED VOICES, WHO THINK THEY KNOW
EVERYTHING AND UNDERSTAND EVERYONE, WANT TO TELL EVERYBODY
ELSE HOW TO LIVE AND WHAT TO DO AND WHAT TO THINK.
BUT YOU AREN'T GOING TO LET OTHER PEOPLE TELL YOU WHAT YOU
BELIEVE, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE DON'T NEED A LECTURE FROM WASHINGTON ON HOW TO LEAD
OUR LIVES.
>> Stephen: RIGHT.
NOW ENJOY THIS LECTURE FROM THE PRESIDENT, WHO'S IN FROM
WASHINGTON TODAY, ON HOW TO LEAD YOUR LIVES.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THAT'S FAIR.
>> Jon: YEAH, HE'S TELLING 'EM.
>> Stephen: THEN TRUMP WRAPPED THINGS UP WITH A GRADUATE-LEVEL
DEMONSTRATION OF HOW TO PAD A SPEECH BY RAMBLING ABOUT THE
FOOTBALL SCHEDULE WITH UNIVERSITY PRESIDENT JERRY
FALWELL JUNIOR.
>> JUST WAIT UNTIL THE WORLD HEARS THE FOOTBALL TEAMS YOU'LL
BE PLAYING ON YOUR SCHEDULE STARTING NEXT SEASON.
PRESIDENT FALWELL GAVE ME A LIST OF SOME OF THOSE SCHOOLS, THE
ONES YOU'RE GOING TO BE PLAYING 2018.
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO READ THE NAMES, JUST CAME OUT?
U-MASS.
VIRGINIA.
AUBURN-- JERRY, ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
RUTGERS.
OLD DOMINION.
BRIGHAM YOUNG.
ARMY.
I MIGHT BE AT THAT GAME.
WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR?
TELL ME.
I DON'T KNOW.
THAT'S A TOUGH ONE, JERRY.
I DON'T KNOW, JERRY.
I'M HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THAT ONE, JERRY.
BUFFALO.
TROY.
VIRGINIA TECH.
OH, NO, JERRY, OLE MISS.
AND WAKE FOREST.
THOSE ARE REALLY TOP SCHOOLS.
>> STEPHEN: "WHAT'S THAT, JERRY?
I HAVE TO KEEP TALKING?
OKAY.
HERE'S A LIST OF FOOTBALL TEAMS YOU'RE "NOT" PLAYING NEXT YEAR.
OHIO STATE, MICHIGAN, THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS-- THAT WOULD BE
CRAZY, RIGHT JERRY?
WHO WOULD WE ROOT FOR IF WE DID THAT?
WHAT ELSE WE GOT HERE, THIS WEEK'S LUNCH MENU: MAC 'N
CHEESE, TATER TOTS, CARROT COINS-- LOVE THAT, JERRY--
I'M NOW GOING TO GUESS WHAT ALL YOUR NAMES ARE.
IS THERE A BILL?
A WILLIAM?
A WILLARD?
IS THERE A JERRY?
I KNOW THERE'S A JERRY.
DON'T TELL ME THERE'S NOT A JERRY, JERRY.
IT'S CRAZY.
BUT BE GOOD.
DO GOOD STUFF.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT AT LEAST THE PRESIDENT
PROVIDED A MOMENT OF HOPE FOR THE FUTURE.
>> THERE MAY VERY WELL BE A PRESIDENT OR TWO IN OUR
MIDST.
ANYBODY THINK THEY'RE GOING TO BE PRESIDENT, RAISE YOUR HAND.
>> STEPHEN: GREAT!
ANYONE WILLING TO START TODAY?