-Welcome, welcome, welcome back. Welcome back.
Thanks for coming on.
-Thank you for having me.
-We have lots to talk about. -Yes.
-One thing I want to ask you about, is just --
You just came back from -- You look fantastic.
[ Laughter ]
-You know, you gotta sit, you gotta act like you a lady.
-No, don't move. You are perfect right now.
-Thank you. -Stunning.
Yeah, don't move. How was New Zealand?
-We love you, Leslie! [ Cheers ]
-Someone loves you out there. Yeah, yep.
[ Laughter ]
How was New Zealand?
-It was New Zealand. [ Laughs ]
It was fun.
Don't get me wrong. New Zealand is beautiful.
-Okay. -First of all, it's beautiful.
But it was New Zealand.
It wasn't like home, you know what I'm saying?
So whenever you go somewhere else, you gotta try to find
the translation of the stuff you like.
-Yes. -You know, like, you know,
if you like Coca-Cola,
even a Coca-Cola tastes different to me.
-Yeah, it doesn't taste like home Coca-Cola.
-Right, right. And then they had their Land's food,
which is like pies.
It was a lot of bread and a lot of comfort food.
And oh, God. -Yeah.
-It was -- And then there was a lot of rain.
Like, dangerous rain. -Oh?
-Like, "Are we gonna make it?" rain.
-Oh, really? [ Laughter ]
Really? -Like, I went to my hotel
and called the hotel and was like, "Are we enough floors up?"
-Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.
-"'Cause I think we about to have a tsunami or something."
-Really? -Yeah.
-You were there filming your show?
-Yes. "Our Flag Means Death" on HBO.
-That's right. -Yes, where I play Spanish Jackie.
[ Cheers and applause ] Thank you.
-Spanish Jackie, yeah. -Spanish Jackie, and thank y'all
for the love y'all give Spanish Jackie.
That is just, like, one of
my most favorite things I've ever played.
-Really? -Yes. She has a wooden hand.
She has 20 husbands. -That's right.
-And she don't give a [bleep]. -Okay.
[ Laughter ]
I love that you said the word
but you just kind of whiffed it out.
-Yeah, because I know how y'all is.
-But that can't stop us from bleeping it.
-Y'all got the bleeper, man. -No, but then --
then you don't have to go, "she don't give a --"
-Well, she don't give a [bleep].
[ Laughter ]
I'll say it right.
-You kind of fluffed it out the first time.
Yeah. But one of your husbands on the show is one of our...
-Oh, my gosh. ...dear friends, Fred Armisen.
-Fred is so -- Fred is one of my favorite people.
[ Laughter ] -Come on.
-He's one of my favorite people in the world
'cause Fred knows how to ride the boat.
-Yeah. -You know what I'm saying?
He knows how to get in the boat
and be part of the team and make that boat thrive.
-Right? -Like, he's so good and quick.
-Quick. -And the sweetest.
-He is the best guy. -The sweetest individual.
-Do you guys ever, like, go off-script and just...?
-Yes. As a matter of fact, I think that's the reason
why Spanish Jackie got so much love the second season, was
'cause me and Fred was riffin' so much off each other.
And if you watch the first season, like, our love affair
was just -- he was one of my special husbands.
-Yeah. Yeah. -Of course.
-I love it. I want to talk about your podcast.
-Yes! -Now, let's talk about this.
You and Lenny Marcus. -"The [bleep]".
-Yes.
[ Laughter ]
-I said it. -No, now, you're saying that --
-"The [bleep]." -I know, but --
I didn't know we had -- -You said you had a bleeper.
-I know, but that -- we have to bleep that too long, almost.
I don't even know what you can say.
"The F-ery." -[ Mouthing ]
[ Laughter ]
-"The F-ery"? -Yes, "The F-ery."
-That's not what the podcast's name.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-We took out the vowels for the kids.
-Yeah, we can --
[ Laughter ]
"For the kids"? -We love kids.
-You love the kids.
So they can read all about it.
-Yeah, you know? So it's not so offensive.
[ Laughter ]
-This is something that you either made up --
this word, I've heard you say this word.
-All the time. Well, I actually got it from Jamaicans.
Jamaicans is where I heard it from.
The [bleep]. You know?
[ Laughter ]
-Where did the idea of the podcast come up?
-Well, me and Lenny are -- If you ever see us together,
we are, like, it's almost like we were born of
the same mother and father but not.
-Yeah. -So, we argue -- It's hilarious.
-Yeah. -So we always are laughing
and talking and just talking about stuff
and going back and forth.
It's just like working with your best friend.
-Yeah. -But he's like a nerd.
And he keeps everything -- like, he -- like, if I --
Oh, man, Lenny keeps all the stuff straight.
He has graphs and charts.
He's the ultimate nerd. -He really is a nerd, yeah.
-He's, like, nerd of all nerds.
Like nerd of the Lord of the Nerd Rings.
[ Laughter ]
-But you guys are actually performing together, right?
-Yes. -You're at the Hard Rock Casino
in Atlantic City on March 11th. -Yes.
Y'all gotta come and see us perform.
-I would see you guys live. -Oh, my God. We are stupido.
-You talk about everything on this show.
-Everything. -It really is.
Like, what is going on in the world,
what is going on in movies, music, pop culture.
-What's going on in our life. -What's going on in your life.
-Yes. -Actually, the thing I listened
to, you had a medium, maybe, or a psychic?
-Yes. -But what they do is, they see
who your soul mate is and they draw them.
-Yeah. Man, did you get the picture?
-Yes, I did. -Please tell me you got it
because I want this audience to see this.
Now, does this look like the man that can handle my caresses?
[ Laughter ]
Is this -- Does this look like the man that's gonna
survive any type of night with me?
[ Laughter ]
No! -What are you talking about?
-No! -I like that.
-Please leave my Amazon package on the step...
[ Laughter ]
...and get the [bleep] off my porch!
-That's not who that is. That is your soul mate.
-That's not my damn soul mate. -Look at this guy.
-And let me tell you something.
Who believe in soul mates anyway?
Who out here believe in soul mates?
[ Scattered cheers ]
Grow up! [ Laughter and applause ]
Grow up! -Only one person.
-You know what? Santa Claus ain't real either!
-Hey, what is going on right now?
What the heck is happening? [ Laughter and applause ]
What in the F-ery is going on right now?
-Your mama bought that present!
Your mama! Your mama and your daddy brought that!
-Oh, my God. [ Laughter ]
What's going on?
-Sick of this, now!
That's why this damn nation -- No!
[ Laughter ] -Oh, my God.
Alright, come on, let's bring it back.
-Sick of this. -Forget this person.
-And what am I supposed to do with it, Jimmy?
Am I supposed to run around and go...
[ Laughter ]
Sick of this [bleep].
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter continues ]
-Can we talk about --
[ Laughter ]
Can I talk about "The Daily Show" please?
-Yes, you can talk about "The Daily Show."
-Okay, okay! Alright!
-Daily. -Alright, "The Daily Show."
-I don't think they got bleepers, either.
[ Laughter ] Oh, my God.
-Comedy Central, oh, no.
-And we gonna be talking about politicians?
Oh, Lord, you know I don't -- -Get ready.
-And you know I don't know none of them white folks' names.
[ Laughter ]
All I know is that they messing up everything!
-Alright, now, look.
You're going to be the first guest host
since Trevor Noah left the show.
Congrats. This Tuesday.
What kind of show do you want it to be?
-Well, you know what? I was talking to Chris and --
Chris Rock. I like to drop names.
[ Laughter ]
But I was like -- He was like, "Don't try to be like Trevor.
Don't try to be like Jon. Be you."
And what I want to bring is that vulnerable truth.
I want to bring the Black woman ass-whooping.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Stop acting like that.
Don't do that!
[ Laughter ]
Sit your ass down!
[ Laughter ]
I done told you not to touch that!
[ Laughter ]
That's what America needs right now.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-We can't wait to see you host this Tuesday.
Leslie Jones, everybody. [ Cheers and applause ]
Guest-hosting "The Daily Show,"
beginning next Tuesday on Comedy Central.
Leslie and I are playing a fun game when we come back.
-Yes! -Stick around.