- We actually danced at Jen and Justin's wedding.
I asked--Samantha Ronson was the DJ,
and we asked for her to play the song...
- We hijacked the wedding. - And we basically
cleared the dance floor... - Yeah.
- No, people were dancing with us,
but you take up so much space when you dance.
- Thank you, yeah. - Because you do the--
- 'Cause you have to stretch it out.
- You have to do the lunges. - Yeah.
- No one really thinks about lunging during dancing, but...
- By the end of the song, I'm ready to dance to anything.
- Yeah, 'cause you're stretched out.
- Exactly. - You're limber.
- Yeah. - The last time you were here,
you were talking about, uh, you and Emily
swimming with sharks... - That's right.
I love to terrify my wife if I can, yeah.
- Yes, and it was your honeymoon.
- It was. - And, uh, which is--you know,
you hear stories about people going scuba diving
on their honeymoons and strange things happen.
- Yeah. - You were how far down?
- I was 100 feet deep.
- Is--I don't scuba dive, but that seems deep.
- Yeah, it's, like, the bottom of the Earth.
- [laughs] - It's very--it's very scary.
- It's the bottom-- - No, but we had
a disposable camera that I was videoing on,
and it started to crinkle up. No joke.
It was pretty wild, and the crazy thing was,
the day before, we had snorkeled with sharks
and so our dive instructor, I think, got really competitive,
so he's like, "Oh, I'll show you some stuff,"
and I said, "I don't-- I don't need you to show me.
"We saw it. It's good," and he was like,
"No, we're gonna take you to gray reef sharks."
Which--I know every shark looks like "Jaws,"
but these really look like "Jaws,"
and they're huge, and so, we went down there
and they swim very close.
These guys swim very close,
and Emily never wanted to learn scuba diving,
and I was like, "We will never get into trouble with sharks,"
and all of a sudden one broke off from the circle
and swam behind us and I saw it and Emily didn't,
and he started to charge Emily and so my decision was,
if I spook her out and she moves a lot,
he might bite her and instead I just let it ride,
and... [laughter]
Right as the shark came close to her,
she, very adorably, went...
and then the shark came right here and she went...
[laughter]
- And, like, air bubbles came out.
She kind of passed out under water.
It was awesome. - Yeah.
- It was great. - Yeah, that's the thing,
like, what happens when you see that?
I would be so scared
that I wouldn't clomping-- clamping down enough...
- Oh, all of her air just went to the top...
- Oh. - And then--it was pretty scary,
and then, we saw, like, this speck 20 seconds later
and I said, "Please not another shark.
"She'll never do anything with me again,"
and we didn't know what it was, and it was a sea turtle
who came up--I'm not kidding,
came up, put his arm around her,
and then started petting her head.
audience: Aww. - That's true.
That's true. It's in that--yeah,
this is real footage of that.
- Wow. - Yeah.
They're amazing, aren't they? - Yeah.
- That's a-- - And he, like, hugged her,
and it's like he knew she had a bad day and he was like,
"Sorry about..." - Aw.
- "Sorry about my buddy Terry.
"He gets real close on the flybys."
- Wow...that's amazing. - Yeah.
- Yeah, it's amazing. - That's why I want to do it
'cause of experiences like that...
- Yeah. - But I'm scared to do it, so...
Um, how is Hazel? - She's great.
- And Hazel is his daughter, and she's how old?
- She's almost two. She's about to turn two.
It's the greatest greatest thing ever.
- That's a good age. - Yeah.
- Is she talking? - She is talking.
She's talking a lot. She starting to do little bits.
Which is hilarious.
Like, she, uh--when she's looking for me,
instead of saying, like, "Daddy, Daddy,"
she goes, "Where is that Daddy?"
- [laughs]
- Like, "That crazy guy." I was like, "That's so weird,"
and she's also picking up on Emily's accent,
so she doesn't say water. She says "Wo-tah."
audience: Aw. - "Wo-tah,"
and I was like, "Just wait till kindergarten
"till people go, 'What's that accent?'
"She's like, "Water. Water.
"It's water." - Aw, that's adorable though.
- It's so awesome, yeah. - That's--I haven't met her yet.
- No. - That's how long it's been.
- We keep her away from you. I don't know why.
- What? - I don't--
[both laughing] - That's not right.
- What is Emily doing?
'Cause you went to the Globes by yourself.
- I did.
You said it so it made me feel bad,
but, uh--the way you said it made me feel bad.
- Did you not invite her or is she not in town?
- I don't invite her to anything anymore.
- I see. - No, she's shooting a movie...
- Uh-huh. - And so, I want alone,
and turns out that when you go stag
they put you at a great table.
I was at Leonardo DiCaprio's table.
- Wow. - Yep.
- Oh...ah. - I've never--whoa.
[cheers and applause] - There you are.
[both chuckle]
- Perfect. - Bing.
- Yeah, and that sounds really cool,
except I didn't get a chance to meet him
and I didn't want to be like, "Hey, man,
"I'm the guy who doesn't have anybody,"
um, and then they won everything,
so I'm in the middle of hugs
and people are like, "This is the best year ever,"
and I was like, "Wasn't it?" - [laughs]
And then everybody went up and gave their speech.
I felt really--pretty stupid. - [laughs]
Ah, there you are in the background, yeah.
- A lot. [both laughing]
Yeah. - Oh.
- Definitely, there was a moment--speaking of Alejandro,
when he won, he said hi to everyone and thank you,
'cause they all worked on the movie,
and then turned to me, and there was that moment of,
like, "Why are you here?" - [laughing]
And I was like,
"Congratulations!"
- Let's talk about--you got in such amazing--
I was saying during the break
that Emily got in great shape when she did
the Tom Cruise movie... - "Edge of Tomorrow," yeah.
- And she was in amazing shape. - Yeah.
- And then you--that's I think why we--no one saw you
for a long time because you wouldn't leave the house
'cause you couldn't socialize. You couldn't go out.
You couldn't have a drink. - Yeah, 'cause I would just eat.
- And you can't do that. - I mean, if you invited me over
to watch a movie, I'd just, like, eat DVDs.
I would--I just had to-- - Yeah.
I was so hungry for so long. - Yeah.
- There's, um--I mean, there's lots of pictures ,
uh, hunky pictures in this magazine here,
but, um... - Yeah.
[cheers and applause]
That's real. - I mean, so...
I mean, what, uh--this is too tiny to see.
Can you see the little tiny one in the corner?
Oh, look at that.
[cheers and applause] - Yeah.
- I bet, that's not real. That's not real.
- Yeah, that's what I thought too.
- [laughs] - I was like,
"Hello, stranger."