So why on earth, again, are you trying to put neurodivergent people in a neurotypical setting?
My goodness. I have never been on a successful date at a restaurant. Today I want to talk about
everything that I believe is wrong with this tv show Love on the Spectrum, um, the Netflix tv
show about autistic people dating. It is a show that follows uh neurodivergent people, but it's
really a show for neurotypical people. So that is a perspective that I feel like the show is created
from and being presented as, which becomes this issue every time when we talk about or showcase
or highlight smaller groups in society, we still do it from a neurotypical white perspective,
and this also brings me to my next point which is I think the main issue with this show.
The show is like trying to make neurodivergent people, nd:s, but trying to make nd people
act in the way that nt-people do. And I mean the whole point about autism is that it's so cool.
Autism is something that I see as a true superpower. It makes you different, it makes you
makes life harder, that's for sure, well, it can be a really amazing thing. It can also
be a really difficult thing to be autistic of course in this world but it's such a cool thing
because your brain functions differently, you see things clearer, at least I think so. That
sort of bridges into my biggest issue with the show which is the fact that this show is based on
trying to make neuro divergent people act like neurotypical people and that makes me,
that makes me so sad, because the whole point of being neurodivergent is that once you realize that
this is how your brain works, and your brain works differently from the majority of people,
and that there are things you can do and there are things that are harder to do. I find such
immense freedom in that. In knowing that it's not my fault I can't go to work, it's not my fault I
can't be around people. It's just the way my brain is and I just have to adapt to that and part of
that also of course bridges to relationships. We don't need to try to act like everyone else which
is the neurotypical people.No one needs to try to act like them not even neurotypical people,
because most, honestly most of the standards that neurotypical people live by are really horrible.
So another issue with this show is that it's based on the premise that a relationship is the highest
value uh for everyone. And you can just look on the internet or look around you. a relationship
isn't the highest value for everyone, so therefore it's very silly that it's being pushed as an idea.
Like you need to be in a relationship. Um so this is something that clearly is being pushed
towards women, as a woman you're not really a human unless you're in a relationship, right.
But yeah, so the premise that you need to be in a relationship to be happy,
obviously that's a problem with every dating show but I think it becomes a bigger issue when we
try to create this narrative that autistic people will only be happy if they're in a
standard heterosexual relationships. Like it's trying to create this narrative that everyone
needs to be like the neurotypical people, autistic people also need to be in relationships. For many
autistic people relationship is a struggle and it's not necessarily the answer to any questions,
it can actually create a lot of harm being in a relationship, and that's true for neurotypical
people too. So obviously there's a too big of an emphasis on relationship in our society and this
show just contributes to that narrative. Let's leave the autistic people out of this because
as an autistic person it's easy to see through these layers of society that are fake like um for
example people with asperger's or autism aren't as attached to gender roles because they're not,
they're not natural, they're just. it's just fake. This is something we're acting right,
so that's for example something that comes up in a relationship. Especially if you're with an
nt person. The second thing which is my number one relationship tip advice is that compromising
is never a good idea. And compromising is especially not a good idea for autistic people.
Now of course this doesn't apply to everyone, some autistic people might prefer to compromise
and not be alone. But I think that is because of the structures of society. I think there is
enormous pressure to be seeking a relationship and to be seeking partnership. To be alone is one of
the biggest failures, right, as a human. People might feel like they want to be with someone but
actually if they would not, if they would be free from all these constructs and structures
of society they might not want to. So yeah, compromising in a relationship as a neurodivergent
person is not a good idea because ultimately it's probably going to be your compromises
uh in the sense that you're gonna have to be not yourself or um you're gonna have to do things you
don't want to do. And ultimately I'd like to live in a world where I don't have to do things I don't
want to do. So I've been married to my husband for three two years, I don't know, two or three years
and um my favorite thing about our relationship is that, he's a very weird person,
so, but he's still neurotypical, we don't compromise on anything and so there's some
things he does, some things he does to help me. And on the premise that I can't do them,
I think that's really amazing because it really helps me in my day-to-day life and it helps me
deal with other people and it helps me be myself. When I come home there are no compromises so I can
behave how I want to be. Another little issue I have with this show is, why go to a restaurant?
As an autistic person people can be extremely stressful, noises, new situations, not knowing
what's on the menu, not knowing what the other person is going to eat, not knowing about what
smells are going to be in there. All these things can be extremely stressful, so why on earth again,
are you trying to put neurodivergent people in a neurotypical setting? My goodness I have never
been on a successful date at a restaurant. My husband and I went to a temple that was our first
date, it was great. But it's so silly to put these two people in a setting that's so highly stressful
for them and pretending that the reason for this is to help them, when in actuality you're
just trying to make them, neuro, be behave like neurotypical people, which isn't helping anyone.
And one of my biggest issues with the show is that darn relationship coach. Have they gotten rid of
her for season two? Because my goodness what is this focus on special interest? As in like, let
me ask you as a neurotypical person, have you ever been on a date and has been like oh what movies do
you like? Well I like these movies, let's be in a relationship. No! That is not how it works. A
relationship is not based on similar interest, a base of, a relationship based on similar interests
will ultimately fail the day someone changes their interest. Having special interest is a great thing
and having different special interests is an even better thing because again, just because
you're in a relationship. just because you live together doesn't mean you have to be
with each other all the time. If you have similar interests or like doing the same things then you
just do them together but your special interests don't have to match and what you like doesn't
have to match. It's about principles, it's about values, it's about connection, it's about energy.
I've never ever, I don't think liked anyone who likes the same things as I do.
If she can stop focusing on like neurodivergent people behaving like neurotypical people,
like texting and like not being straightforward. One of the amazing things about autism
is the straightforwardness because it allows for so much less confusion in a relationship. I find
that's one of the, the most helpful things in my relationship. I can just say exactly how I feel
and me and my partner have a established communication where he doesn't get hurt
because he doesn't take my tone of voice personally, he doesn't take
my, anything personally because it isn't personal. And also you don't want to be with
someone who takes what you say personally. So personally I'd say the biggest questions
for autistic people in a relationship, and you don't have to be in a relationship, is respect
for yourself and for the other partner. To make sure that their boundaries, emotions, feelings
are being respected and that your boundaries in every single situation is being respected,
honoured and valued. And the other thing is health or safety or well-being, so that is, that your
health and self-well-being has to come first at all times for you and their health and safe being
safe being well-being, has to come first for them. And then you have to work together to make sure
that the other person is happy and healthy and safe, right. If you want to live together with
someone, what what's worked so well with me and my partner now is that we have the same values, like
we want the other person to be happy. That's our highest value, we want the nature around
us to be beautiful, we want to be healthy. So those are all similar values that help us
move forward together in the world rather than separately. We've read this book, I'm going to put
it here, you really have to read it if you want to be in a relationship and you're neuro divergent.
It had very good tips and it really taught him a lot about my behaviour in our relationship,
so yeah. What I want to say is you don't have to be in a conventional relationship if you're a
neurodivergent, absolutely not, it probably isn't a good idea. Also you might be super interested
in sex, yep let's talk about it, you might not, so again you don't have to be in a conventional
relationship, uh conventional relationships are probably safer in the sense that you're not,
there's a less of a risk I guess of being hurt, but there's a bigger chance of getting murdered if
you're a woman. But yeah, you don't have to go to a restaurant, have a date, I mean just go out and
sit, and sit next to each other and not talk. Why can't we show that in the show?
Why can't we show people's own expression? Like what would you want to do on a date. Autism is a
superpower so utilize it. Can you please just show autistic people getting to express themselves and
utilize their superpower? Isn't it amazing to live in a world where we're more honest and more direct
and more straightforward, where we can actually have a conversation without all these layers of
fakeness that neurodiver, neurotypical and the societal structures put on us. And they should
also be highlighted in the show because that's what it should be about. It shouldn't be about
neurodivergent people trying to date like regular people and then people on the internet being like
oh my gosh you're so cute, no they're just humans, just like you. And they should be able to date
in a different way where they don't have to sit at a restaurant, talk about and create small talk. I
absolutely hate small talk, I will not engage with it and I absolutely do not want to engage with
small talk and small talk with the partner I want to, I'm going to be with for the rest of my life.
That would be so tiring, if I had to do small talk with him. I've written down that conventional
relationships suck, and they do. This part of the conversation has to be voiced and um
yes it's ridiculous that it isn't being more voiced and it's ridiculous that this voyeurism
of watching people who are seemingly different try to behave in ways that doesn't feel good to them,
that doesn't feel natural or that doesn't feel like they're honouring their innermost truth,
because that's how I feel in every moment when I'm not being myself. I have to put on something
and not, I can't be myself, I don't know how to. Autism is amazing, non-conventional relationships
are amazing, and I can honestly say that I'm happy with my partner in every single moment and would I
not have met him I would have for sure been single for life and I was completely set on that. I never
thought I'd be in a relationship, I decided I was going to be single for the rest of my life
and I was happy with that. So I'd say be happy with that before you need to find the need
to be someone else and don't listen to anyone telling you you have to be in a relationship,
including this silly show. And especially not if you're not neurotypical because yeah
the structures of society are crazy enough as it is so adding like the nuclear family into that,
it's just not gonna work, you should just completely live your truth and
be completely unapologetic because why should we try to be like everyone else.
I don't see the point of that. That was everything I had to say I think. Thank you
so much for watching this video, uh please give it a thumbs up and subscribe if you liked it. I'm
very passionate about this, I'm very passionate about relationships and I'm very passionate about
autism and I find it horrendous that we live in a world that doesn't value diversity. So let's
value diversity, let's not encourage autistic people to be like neurotypical people, and let's
not encourage anyone to be in a relationship where they're not ultimately happy. Okay bye!