- [Mary Willson] Oftentimes in women's ministry in the local church,
we talk about Titus 2 being a key passage that lays out some of the basic principles
for mentoring and relationships among women. I wanted to actually read
a few verses from Titus 2, just to anchor our discussion here.
This is Titus 2 verse 1. "But as for you teach what accords
with sound doctrine," and then part of verse 3, "Older women are to teach
what is good. And so train the young women to love their husbands and children
to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive
to their own husbands that the word of God may not be reviled."
Blair, what's the most important thing you've done
or experienced in mentoring friendships.
- [Blaire Linne] The Lord has used so many
ladies in my life to mentor me. And I would say the most important thing,
even before that was someone sharing the gospel with me. So it wasn't a lady.
This was a guy at an informal Bible study who shared Christ with me,
even though I was raised in the church, had a Christian background.
stepped out in faith and out of love, pressed in and shared it
and the Lord used that to transform my life, to make me born again.
And then after coming to the Lord, then ladies have come alongside of me
to teach me. When I was single thinking,
"I may be called to singleness," but it was a lot of fear about marriage.
I remember there was a mentor in college who walked me through that process
of how do you deal with those fears, you know, then getting married,
and having those fears of, "What's going to happen?"
You know, because I didn't have many models of marriage. And I was able to pull
from the church, from ladies in the church to walk and say,
"This is how you are to be a wife. And then this is how you are to be
a mother." So the Lord has been faithful to use godly women that,
that person at the beginning but then godly women to help me
to be led and pointed towards the gospel in my life.
- Was it oftentimes, were you the one who would approach
the older women or did they approach you?
- I was often the one approaching them. I think I always wanted that,
older woman to come and say, "Let me just swoop you up,"
and I didn't have that. So I just had to go and searching for them,
to say, basically, "Can I just sit and observe you as you
homeschool your children? Can I watch you? How do you
prepare meals and all that?" So I was seeking them out and they were
yeah, very kind to let me let me do that.
- Did you ever have an older woman...? Because I hear this sometimes.
I don't know what you all think, but did you...have you ever heard an older
woman tell you no? Did you ever ask someone to mentor you and...?
- I haven't. Have you Kristie?
- [Kristie Anyabwile] Yeah. Yeah. I have actually and that I think for me,
that experience, the Lord has used to help me in my mentoring discipleship of women.
So when I was a brand new Christian, I knew that I needed someone walking
alongside me. I needed a mentor. And so I asked actually two godly ladies
in our church and we were friends already. We served together already.
We kind of started the church, you know, together with our families,
we're all, you know, kind of the startup for this church. So we had
been serving together already. And both of them when I asked
if they would mentor me said no, and they both...
- Did they give you a good reason or...?
- No.
- They just said...
- No.
- Oh no.
- That's discouraging.
- So what they said both in various ways, said...basically they said,
"I'm too busy." And at the time I didn't know that it was an excuse,
and so it crushed me and I was going home in tears
like crushed that the two probably godliest women
that I knew, you know didn't want to spend time with me. Years later,
fast forward and having conversations with those women later, they both said
two things. One, I was scared out of my mind when you asked me. And number two,
I had no idea how to do what you were asking me to do. So that experience . . .
So before we have that conversation years later, that kind of rejection I felt
I think the Lord used to burden in my heart a desire to help other women
in whatever way I could. And so, I just made a promise to the Lord at that
time and said, "Lord if you ever bring anybody into my life who would ask me
to mentor them, I would never say no." And so by God's grace,
over the past 17 years, however, I've been able to say yes.
I think that fear, it can be stifling for a lot of older women,
and also not feeling equipped or able to do that. So my first
discipling relationship, a young lady college student,
she was with Impact Movement through Cru, and it was Campus Crusade at the time.
And she did just what you said. She said, "Hey, you know, I'm a new wife."
She was expecting her first child, and she said, "Can I just come to your
house, like, while you're cooking dinner for your family and we just chat?"
And I was like, "Well, I can do that. Am going to cook."
- As long as you can...can you cut some vegetables too?
- Exactly. Yeah, so we did that and that was what the Lord used to kind of,
you know, start me off in mentoring.
- That's so awesome. I think sometimes we underestimate just
how the Lord can use that, just sitting and observing someone
else's life. I remember as a new believer observing a family do
worship together and I was like, "I wasn't raised doing that,"
so to be able to see that . . . Now, my husband
certainly is able to do that. But to incorporate that into our home,
you know, what a blessing to see that in the Body of Christ.
- Yeah, I can see how that would be so helpful to, you haven't grown up in that
setting to actually...what does it look like to be a Christian mother
and then to watch it flesh out.
- Yeah, and we're just in a different context, right? So, you know, 30, 40, 50
years ago, grandma would be out on the porch shelling peas, shucking corn...
- That's a good point.
- And you'd be out there shucking corn and shelling peas.
- Right? Whether you liked it or not.
- Whether you liked it or not. And grandma would be imparting her
wisdom, you know, and you would sit, and you would listen,
and you would ask questions. We're in a different context where
we're not communal like that, we're kind of spread out.
And so we have to find other ways, creative ways of fostering that
kind of nurturing, mothering relationship I think.
- And yet I think because we are in a different age, women express such
hunger for that kind of communal environment, that relational environment.
And so there's so much opportunity to simply live our lives publicly inviting
women in to see what it looks like to follow Jesus and live
lives of repentance. What does it look like to lean on him for all things.
- Amen.
- Well, those are some wonderful thoughts. Thank you both.