I really want to go to space, so either I
get 35 million dollars or I convince one
of these people to send me there.
To travel to Mars you'd need to stay in a
spaceship for six to eight months.
I haven't event stayed in relationships that long.
I could lock myself up in a bunker for six to eight months to
prove that I mentally stable,
but I'm worried that it would just prove the opposite.
So I'm going to do 48 hours in my bathroom.
I'm feeling that two days is a good, like
she's dedicated, but not like
batshit crazy kind of thing.
Mom, dad, I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me.
You ready for the celebrity bathroom?
This is where I brush my teeth.
If we step over here, this is where I shower,
and if you follow me all the way over here
this is where the magic happens;
the defecation station.
But for now, this is not just the bathroom,
it's also a sham space shuttle.
I don't even know what that would be.
So practical.
Now if I just do like, a little...
and I'm right by the sink
ready to brush my teeth.
So yeah, I guess this is it.
I'm just gonna put my computer and my phone up here,
and, uh, yeah, Adam and Scott, I'll see you in 48 hours.
Bye
I'll just slide the key under the door.
I guess this is it now.
I'm all alone in this bathroom and I'm going to be here a really long time.
Ooh, it actually has the cookie around it!
Oh my Go-
This thing is dry.
It tastes like something that has
"Do not eat" written over it.
Once, I actually ate those like little silica gel balls.
I got this, like, Japanese cupcake
and I thought it was like a little spice
that you could like put on top of it
Not my brightest moment.
I only brought freeze-dried food in here
so I have this like veggie burrito bowl,
Leonardo da Fettuccine,
some dehydrated potato dices.
This was $29!
It's basically just potato chips.
I mean, I bought it, I'm the one to blame.
Last minute, I chose to bring a kettle,
'cause I realised that all the freeze-dried food
needs to be prepared with hot water.
I don't wanna eat cold food.
I mean astronauts wouldn't eat cold food either.
They'd be able to heat it up
And also they have friends to hang out with them
I mean you would know, this is the first time you've seen me eat.
Maybe this is just my eating face.
I'm not exaggerating, this is actually nasty.
You nasty food!
Why are you so nasty?
It's like somebody ate a burrito bowl,
threw it right back up, freeze-dried it,
and sold it to me.
End of day one, and yeah, it's actually been pretty alright.
Now I just have time to do things I usually don't have time to;
like I did an hour of yoga,
I shaved my legs.
So now I'm just gonna read some books.
These were actually the only book I had in my house.
Reason being that I'm considering writing a kids' book
and I have these for research, so...
Work is hard when you have to read Dragons Love Tacos.
What's that sound?
Oh, it's just my Roomba.
Good night, Roomba!
I hope you're having a good time, out there in the wild.
I'm gonna sleep right next to my toilet.
Okay, goodnight.
Dragons Love Tacos is the best book I've ever read.
I had to read it three times before I stopped laughing.
Classic!
Who needs coffee when you could eat tampons with strawberry flavor?
It's not like I've always wondered what it's like
to sleep next to a toilet, but now I know.
It's a little bit like a bad hangover,
I woke up in yesterday's clothes
and next to this.
Can't recommend it.
And I feel like I haven't realized before,
how many hours the day has.
It's at least 12 hours until I can get back to bed.
And I'm not really sure what to do with myself.
I should like learn a new skill or something.
Oh, I know, I've always wanted to learn how to like taxi whistle.
[not whistling]
[cough]
I really wish I could YouTube this right now,
but no, one has to figure it out by him or herself,
otherwise it doesn't count.
[not whistling]
[laugh] That's not it.
Ew, so much saliva.
How do people do this and not drool all over themselves?
I have yet to find out.
[not whistling]
[cough]
[laugh]
[screech]
I got it.
Thanks, Google's Making and Science Team
for making this progress possible.
Lunch time.
Making very limited progress on my taxi whistling.
[slight whistle]
But I did draw a galaxy on my curtain with a sharpie, so...
I just wish I had something to build.
Like I could kill for Lego kit right now.
Actually I wonder what we have in here.
Isn't this very Jurassic Park?
I have never had to draw on a mustache,
but I feel like I'm doing a damn fine job at it.
I'm in the wrong business.
[laugh]
I should have been born a man.
I feel like I really need some company, like
I need a friend.
Look what I found!
You're way too happy to be in here though.
Fucking happy!
We're not happy in this bathroom, because this bathroom sucks.
I'm gonna have to give you a new face.
Is this something that outside-bathroom Simone would do too?
Yes! Totally.
I'm going to sculpt you a new head.
Structural integrity of this mush is maybe not the best, but...
Beautiful!
You need some quills to protect yourself,
because it's a rough world out there.
Outside world is not like bathroom world.
[in French] Did you say something?
You don't have a mouth.
Et voila, c'est magnifique!
How do you like my glasses?
It's a little-known fact that I'm not only an inventor of shitty machines,
I'm also an inventor of shitty species.
Duckupine: combination between porcupine and duck.
His name is Carl.
What's your take on tennis, Carl?
Great conversation. See you tomorrow.
I'm going to bed!
I'll see you next day of school,
Simone's Space Astronaut, I can't even remember the name of my own school.
Simone School Space Astronaut
Simone's Astronaut Space of School of Space
That's it, that's it.
I think he looks like he's in pain,
but he's kind of enjoying the pain, if you know what I mean?
Carl, you're a freak.
I'm actually getting pretty used to this.
I mean I'm not thriving, but I'm surviving.
And today Adam and Scott are coming to let me out!
I'm pumped.
Is that Roomba ever not vacuuming?
Hey, little Roomba!
Hey, no, no. No, that's the key.
No, no, no, no! No, Roomba, no!
No, don't!
No, no, no, no, not the key!
No!
Did that seriously just happen?
What the fuck?
Adam is that you?
The Roomba just sucked up the key!
No, I'll just climb out of the window.
I just want to get out of this fucking bathroom.
I know what this looks like; I am escaping out of my own bathroom window.
But I did stay in there for 48 hours
and I'm feeling okay, I didn't go crazy.
Also I'm two-thirds down in Simone Giertz's Astronaut School of Space.
Next episode,
goddamn gravity.