Let me tell you something.
There are few games I think as highly of as Donkey Kong Country.
That game is incredible.
In fact, as much as people like it, I think it might be under-rated.
It’s so good, it’s even better than its legacy.
I mean, you can play that game now, and it’s still better than just about every other 2D
platformer out there.
Like, to this day.
Donkey Kong Country isn’t great because of nostalgia.
It’s great because you can pick it up today, and still be blown away.
It’s still playable, still gorgeous, still great.
This game’s not as playable, or gorgeous, or great.
I know it says “Donkey Kong Country,” I know it looks like Donkey Kong Country…kind
of…
But this isn’t Donkey Kong Country.
More Donkey Kong Nice-try.
So I went back and read some of the reviews this thing got when it released, back in the
year 2000…and it seems like the consensus was basically, “Wow, look how close they
got to Donkey Kong Country on a handheld.”
Like, that’s what blew people away, the tech side of it.
And even though they were well aware of the game’s many, many problems…
They were still like, “OMG, the graphics.
9.1.”
Actually, no one said “OMG” back then.
And apparently, no one remembered what made Donkey Kong Country so good.
‘Cause it wasn’t the graphics.
Or…not just the graphics.
This one’s just the graphics.
So if you’ve never played Donkey Kong Country, listen…I’m not one of those people who
says, “Oh, you have to play this game.”
But seriously, you have to play that game.
If you have a Super Nintendo, get it.
If you don’t, it’s on the eShop, get it.
Seriously, it might be the best platformer on the Super Nintendo, and that system had
some pretty serious platformers.
But anyway, it was the game that resurrected the dormant Donkey Kong franchise, it was
groundbreaking for its pseudo-3D graphics, it played like a million bucks.
Or bananas…
Speaking of which, that’s what it’s about.
A bunch of jerk-off bad guys have stolen Donkey Kong’s bananas, and he searches the island
to get ‘em back.
It’s that same old run-and-jump template, obviously…but Donkey Kong Country puts its
own spin on it.
The gameplay has a bouncy, rhythmic quality that really separates it from other platformers.
I mean, Super Mario World, Yoshi’s Island…
They have the praise.
Donkey Kong Country has the groove.
Of course, that all applies to the original, to the Super Nintendo game.
The game this game claims to be a port of.
It’s only kind of is.
I mean, I have played Donkey Kong Country so many times, I could play these levels blindfolded.
These are not the same levels.
A lot of them have been reworked, and even though it’s subtle, it’s pretty jarring
if you know the game.
I mean, Winky’s Walkway is one of my favorite levels in any platformer, ever.
This is not the Winky’s Walkway I remember.
This is, like…it’s like imitation candy, you know?
The off-brand stuff.
It looks like the good stuff…then you bite it, and it tastes like what you paid for.
A lesser version that just isn’t that good.
But you know, the biggest problem here…is the gameplay.
I mean, Donkey Kong Country, to this day, plays incredibly tight and smooth.
This version is neither of those things.
Like, as soon as you take control of Donkey Kong, you know right away something’s not
right.
It’s slow, it’s stiff…and actually, what’s even worse is that you can’t see
a goddamn thing.
See, because they wanted this to look like the original as much as possible, they used
this zoomed-in perspective, for more detailed sprites.
Unfortunately, that means your visibility is horrendous, especially in the mine cart
levels.
You don’t see things until you hit things.
Actually, I wish I hadn’t seen these minigames.
Donkey Kong Country didn’t need minigames.
Let alone bad minigames.
Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
I mean, the only reason people seemed to freak out over this game, is that it’s this game,
on a handheld.
Wow, isn’t it amazing that such a thing could exist, hooray for technology!
But after the novelty wears off, what does it leave you with?
Like, today…this is just a frustrating, outdated take…on a game that, even in its
much older form…still doesn’t feel frustrating or outdated.
Maybe 15 years ago, it was cool.
But Donkey Kong Country for the Game Boy Color…
It was never that good.
Breaks my heart to say that, you guys.