[APPLAUSE]
>> FOR THE BEACH OR THE POOL,
WOMEN’S WEAR NOW HAS ROOM FOR
YOUR TOOL.
ADIDAS HAS LAUNCHED ITS NEW
PRIDE COLLECTION WHICH APPEARS
TO BE A BIOLOGICAL MALE MODEL IN
A BATHING SUIT.
AND I SAY IT APPEARS BECAUSE HE HAS A PACKAGE THAT WOULD THROW
HAS A PACKAGE THAT WOULD THROW
OUT A FEDEX DRIVER’S BACK.
.
[APPLAUSE]
>> MEANWHILE A DIFFERENT DUDE
MODELING A SWIMSUIT SHOWS WHAT
IT LOOKS LIKE WITH HAIR IN A
FABULOUS DUDE.
THE WAXING KID APPARENTLY IS
SOLD SEPARATELY.
FORMER NCAA SWIMMER STAR
TWEETED, ADIDAS COULD AT LEAST
HAVE LABELED IT UNISEX AND
WOMEN’S ACCESSORIES AREN’T
ACCESSORIZED WITH A BULGE.
WHEN AS I KID ADIDAS WAS ABOUT
ALL DAY I DREAM ABOUT SEX, NOT
ALL DAY I DREAM ABOUT SHRINKAGE.
MICHELLE, I’LL COME TO YOU
FIRST.
MICHELLE, AS A BIRTHING PERSON
WERE YOUR FELLOW PEOPLE ASKING
FOR THIS?
WERE ANY WOMEN ASKING FOR THIS?
>> GOD, NO.
DYLAN MULVANEY HAS A LITTLE SONG
THAT HE SINGS ON TIK TOK CALLED
NORMALIZE THE BULGE.
I’M NOT SURE IF THIS IS WHAT HE
MEANT, SHE MEANT BUT IT’S
HAPPENING.
I’M GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE
THERE IS NO BRAND I CAN BUY
ANYMORE AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT.
LIKE NIKE’S 2, ENTANGLEMENT WITH
CHINA, MY KIDS HAVE BEEN WEARING
ADIDAS AND I FEEL LIKE EVERY DAY
I DREAM ABOUT, YOU KNOW,
SUICIDE.
THIS IS BRUTAL.
I WISH I HAD THIS PERSON’S HIPS.
I WILL SAY THAT THEY ARE QUITE
SHAPELY.
BUT THE REST OF IT, I’M GLAD I
DON’T HAVE.
THIS IS, AGAIN, I THINK WHAT
WE’RE SEEING, I DON’T KNOW WHAT
CALCULUS THESE COMPANIES ARE
TAKING BECAUSE THE MULVANEY BUD
LIGHT THING REALLY BACKFIRED.
I DON’T KNOW IF THEY ARE SAYING
WE’VE GOT TO JUMP ON THIS AND
GET TALKED ABOUT.
I’M NOT SURE IF THAT’S THE
CALCULUS NOW.
WE’VE GOT TO BE POLITICALLY
CORRECT BUT I PEOPLE LIKE THERE
MAY BE SOME BACKLASH.
>> IT’S SEEPING INTO POP
CULTURE.
ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT THAT,
WE’RE GOING TO WATCH PAUL
McCARTNEY SAYING, I SAW THEM
STANDING THERE.
>> WHEN I SAW THE PICTURE I
REALLY THOUGHT, I MEAN, I DON’T
KNOW HOW ELSE TO PUT THIS, I
THOUGHT SHE HAD TAKEN A DUMP.
AND I THOUGHT, GET OUT OF THE
POOL.
LADY, GET OUT OF THE POOL.
I CAN’T PUT IT ANY OTHER WAY.
I ACTUALLY LIKE -- I MEAN, I
DON’T KNOW, MAYBE YOU AND I ARE
THE SAME BUT WE DON’T WORK OUT,
I LIKE THE OLD STYLE MEN’S
BATHING SUITS, YOU KNOW, WHERE
THEY WERE WEARING LIKE, ON THE
BEACH AND THEY ARE WEARING LIKE
A T-SHIRT.
IF THEY COULD JUST HAVE THAT AND
REGULAR OLD TRUNKS I WOULD BE
IN.
>> THE SING LET.
>> LIKE IN THE 1930s MOVIES, I
LOOK BETTER THAN THAT GUY.
>> GIVE ME THE KING KONG BUNDY.
>> BUT WHAT’S WEIRD ABOUT IT,
WE’RE STILL TALKING ABOUT LIKE
THIS TINY, TINY SUBSET OF
PEOPLE.
IT’S SO BIZARRE TO ME.
LIKE I CAN’T IMAGINE YOU WOULD
MAKE ANY MONEY.
LIKE THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO
ARE GOING TO RUN OUT AND BUY --
EVEN IN A PERFECT WORLD, LIKE,
SIX PEOPLE.
>> I FEEL LIKE IT WOULD TURN OFF
PEOPLE, GIVEN THE POPULATION
SIZE.
>> FROM A DISTANCE IT LOOKS LIKE
SOMETHING ELSE.
>> HERE’S WHAT I WAS GOING TO
ASK YOU, WOMEN HAVE SO MANY
THINGS THEY ARE SELF-CONSCIOUS
NOW, ARE WOMEN NOW WORRIED THAT
THEIR PENIS DOESN’T LOOK BIG
ENOUGH AT THE BEACH?
IN FIVE YEARS, WILL PEOPLE BE
GETTING BRAZILIAN BALL LIFTS.
>> HONESTLY, THERE HAVE BEEN
BATHING SUIT ADS THAT I HAVE
SEEN THAT I HAVE FELT
REPRESENTED ME LESS THAN THIS
ONE DID.
[LAUGHTER]
>> I DON’T HAVE THE PENIS.
BUT THE CLEAVAGE IS ABOUT THE
SAME.
AND WE ALSO MAYBE, LIKE, IS THIS
A TRANSPERSON OR JUST LIKE A
DUDE THAT LIKES TO WEAR WOMEN’S
CLOTHES?
MY FRIEND KEITH WEARS MY CLOTHES
ALL THE TIME FOR THE SAME SIZE
BUT HE’S JUST A GUY WHO LIKES
HE-HIMS.
>> WE DON’T HAVE AN ANSWER. >> IN THE FUTURE FOR WOMEN TO BE
>> IN THE FUTURE FOR WOMEN TO BE
SAYING, DOES THIS PENIS MAKE ME
LOOK FAT?
[LAUGHTER]
>> IT’S COMING.
[LAUGHTER]
>> IT’S COMING.
I HAVE NOTHING TO ADD.
WE ALL KNOW IT’S COMING.
I WILL ASK YOU THIS, THOUGH.
WE DON’T KNOW IF THE PERSON IS
TRANSGENDER.
>> WE DON’T KNOW.
>> HERE’S WHAT I WANT TO ASK YOU
FOR REAL.
THIS IS A SERIOUS QUESTION.
I THINK, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE THESE
WOKE CORPORATE MARKETING FIRMS,
THEY KNOW THAT THE CUSTOMERS
DON’T WANT THIS, I THINK ON SOME
LEVEL THEY ARE TRYING TO CHANGE
THEIR SENSIBILITIES TO GET A
HIGHER DEI SCORE, SOCIAL CREDIT
SCORE THAT SOCIAL CORPORATIONS
GET.
>> IT’S A SUPER FASCINATING
QUESTION.
I WOULD POINT OUT IS, THERE ARE
LOTS OF MEN PRETENDING TO BE
WOMEN WHO ARE MAKING LOTS OF
MONEY OFF PRETENDING TO BE
WOMEN, WHICH I THINK IS AN
INSULT TO WOMEN.
>> TOTALLY.
>> BUT THINK ABOUT THIS.
THIS ISN’T A SINGLE FAMOUS WOMAN
WHO IS PRETENDING TO BE A MAN,
SO WE TALK ALL THIS TIME ABOUT
THE TRANSUNIVERSE, YOU CAN MAYBE
POINT TO THE ELLEN PAGE, ELLIOTT
PAGE SITUATION, BUT SHE WAS
FAMOUS AS AN ACTRESS AND NOW HER
CAREER IS BASICALLY OVER NOW
THAT HER CAREER IS A MAN.
SO MEN, WE DON’T HEAR THIS
DISCUSSED MUCH BUT I THINK MEN
JUST FEEL BAD BECAUSE IF YOU’RE
A WOMAN PRETENDING TO BE A MAN,
YOU PROBABLY ARE NOT BIG,
STRONG, OR FAST.
YOU CERTAINLY AREN’T GOING TO
WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPORTS AND
MEN JUST IGNORE IT.
YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
WOMEN, IT SEEMS TO ME, MY WIFE
IS BIG ON THIS, THIS IS THE
ULTIMATE MASSAGING, BECAUSE
YOU’RE A MAN, AND YOU’RE ERASING
WOMEN, AND YOU’RE WINNING
CHAMPIONSHIPS, AND NOW YOU’RE
WEARING WOMEN’S BATHING SUITS
AND YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE
TO EMBRACE IT.
I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY WOMEN
AREN’T LIKE, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
MEN, NO PUN INTENDED, MEN HAVE
CERTAINLY MADE THAT CHOICE, AND
AS A RESULT, THIS REALLY ONLY
MOVES IN ONE DIRECTION.
RIGHT?
>> I AGREE.
THE ONLY UPSIDE TO THIS WHOLE
THING FOR REAL IS THEY HAVE
SINGLE HANDILY DESTROYED THE
GENDER PAY GAP MYTH.
MILL VAIN ANY WAS A STARVING