- I just recently became medicated
because I thought being on medication was a bad thing,
because nobody really talked about this stuff.
If I am dark on social media,
I am usually having a really anxious or depressed day.
Hey guys, it's Candice the Edgy Veg,
and today, we are doing a mukbang!
So I just ordered some of my favorite food
from Apiecalypse, I ordered it for the team,
I just thought that it would be fun
to sit down and talk to you guys
about a topic that comes up a lot on my Instagram
and just eat some comforting pizza.
If you're new here, hit that subscribe button,
I make new videos every Tuesdays and Thursdays at 4 o'clock
and leave me a comment in the comment section below
if you have a specific topic
that you would love for me to talk about.
So I asked you guys on my Instagram
what you guys wanted to talk about.
If you guys had any specific questions
about anxiety and depression
so we can get into that.
But first, everybody come get your lunch.
All right, on the menu today is Apiecalypse,
which is one of my favorite vegan comfort food places here
in Toronto, they're awesome, awesome people.
They make a really bomb North American-style pizza.
This one, I believe, is the Toronto Island, yes.
This is the Toronto Island Pizza,
there's some barbecue soy curls, pineapple,
you know what, let me know in the comment section below
if you're a pineapple on a pizza person or not.
Barbecue sauce, we've got vegan bacon crumbles
and we opted in for the everything bagel crust,
so that's super exciting.
Then we have some dips,
we have some Chipotle,
I think it's Chipotle Cheddar,
a bunch of garlic because, I mean,
that crust needs to get eaten
with a delicious garlic dipping sauce.
Then we have cauliflower wings,
these are barbecue with a dill.
And then, very Canadian,
we have a delicious vegan poutine.
- For the record, I am not a pineapple on pizza person.
- Why didn't you say something?
- All right, this crust smells so good.
This is the everything bagel one.
- Yup.
- [Molly] I am 100% team pineapple on pizza.
- So Molly picked this one today.
All right guys, before I jump into your questions,
I thought it would be important to first talk
about why I think talking
about anxiety and depression is important.
So I suffer from both anxiety and depression,
I'm medicated for depression.
I just recently became medicated
because I thought being on medication was a bad thing,
because nobody really talked about this stuff.
For me, I think that the more that we talk about it,
the more that we realize that we're not alone,
so I didn't realize how many people were
either super anxious like I am or suffer from depression
until I started talking about it,
and then people said "me too".
I think it's important for us
to share different coping mechanisms and strategies,
and so this is why I really wanted to make this video.
I also, in my "I Ate Like Cheap Lazy Vegan For a Day" video,
I showed me taking my antidepressants on-screen,
and I asked you guys if you wanted a whole video about that.
So, here we are.
I'm gonna take a couple bites of my food first.
I just need a napkin.
I've went into my Edgy Veg Instagram
on my stories and then also my personal account
to ask these questions,
so we're going to hit both.
This is from Miss Sarah:
"How long did it take for you
"to realize you needed help managing?
"Was there a trigger?"
I had a pretty traumatic experience in my life
that came from a result of me not being able to manage it,
and I ended up, without really having a choice,
I ended up having to talk to someone.
That's kind of when I realized that it was a problem.
I had a lot of really dark thoughts
that I thought people just,
I just thought I was a negative person,
that I was just a sad person.
Once I realized how much talking to someone
and realized how common it was,
that was kind of when I was like,
"Okay, maybe I do need help with this."
Even just having a conversation
with a therapist a couple times a week really helped me
to manage those emotions.
"Are you aware of what your triggers are,
"or do you have any at all?"
Yeah, I have a few triggers.
I have a lot of abandonment issues,
a lot of people pleasing.
So the way that my anxiety manifests is a lot
of social anxiety.
Believe it or not,
I am just this insufferable people pleaser,
so I just want everyone to like me
and I can't stand it when someone's,
when I feel like someone doesn't like me.
Or someone's energy changes around me,
I'll always think it's my fault.
Which will cause me to retreat, so that's interesting.
Stress, I just don't manage stress well.
There's a couple traumatic things in my life that,
if I think about them
or certain people reach out to me.
I got into a weird head space.
I'm very much an empath,
so if you are in a bad mood,
I will just assume that it's about me,
which is a super narcissistic way of thinking.
Family, a lot of the time,
which is not to say I don't have a great family, I do,
but sometimes the people closest
to you can be your worst triggers.
"I want to be vegan,
"but my anxiety slash depression has me addicted
"to fast food, tips?"
I guess it depends on the fast food that you're eating.
I'm also definitely a binge eater
when I have anxiety and depression,
it just makes me feel good to eat junk food.
I've just figured out the ways
to have all my favorite junk foods at home.
That's kind of how this whole thing started.
I know what restaurants I can order from,
I know what food to make it home.
And depending on where you live,
you can definitely set up that type
of food support structure, if you will.
"Why can't it go just (beep) itself? So tired of it."
I hear you.
Sometimes it comes out of nowhere
and you don't even know what it's coming from.
That wasn't really a question,
but I definitely can relate to that sentiment.
"How did you manage to break up with anxiety?
"I feel like death every day."
I did nothing for like three months.
I stopped working, I didn't have videos out,
I couldn't do anything, I was in bed a lot.
I wouldn't say I really managed it.
I saw a therapist twice a week,
and luckily, I just happened to have some money saved up,
so the working thing wasn't,
it was scary, not working,
but it could've been a lot worse.
And with my therapist,
I worked through a lot of coping strategies.
One thing that really helped me was
dialectical behavior therapy that I did,
which is for BPD specifically, and I found that
that made me a lot more emotionally intelligent and aware.
She also taught me to notice when things are happening.
So if I'm starting to dissociate,
if I'm starting to feel a little off,
I can feel my anxiety kind of creeping in,
she gave me ways to deal with it.
It really depends on what kind of anxiety I'm having,
that I go into my toolbox
and I pull out the appropriate tool
for that type of anxiety and then I deal with it.
And sometimes I don't deal with it,
and I sleep for 24 hours and that's okay too.
You have to be compassionate with yourself,
and that was a big thing that helped me overcome,
I had a lot of guilt because I was like
"you're just lazy" or "you sleep all the time"
and "what's wrong with you"
and I just had to switch my inner narrative
to be, you have to be compassionate to yourself.
You're allowed to take a day in bed,
if that's what you need.
"How do you find motivation
"when you really don't wanna make videos?"
In my case, I hired my friends!
Actually though, I didn't work for like three months
'cause it was just me and I was too afraid to ask for help.
I couldn't get myself motivated
so I found a team that motivated me
and made it fun, and some days I still wake up with anxiety,
but it's been not as frequent, for a shoot day.
Thanks!
- [Moe] No problem!
- You just have to surround yourself with good people.
There's definitely days like today,
I had really bad anxiety when I woke up,
and I had someone here to be like,
"It's gonna be fine, just take it one step at a time."
And that's amazing, that's what you need.
You need to surround yourself with people
that know how to talk to you
and in a validating way.
(humming)
- [Moe] Those wings are so good.
- [Molly] Dip it in garlic sauce.
- [Together] Ooh.
- Are you guys, do you want more?
Come here, get more.
- If you hear the pitter patter of little feet.
- "How can I better support my friends living
"with anxiety or depression?"
I like that.
- That's a really good question, actually.
- That's a really good question, like "what can I do".
I think validation's huge,
one of the worst things you can say to someone
who's having really bad anxiety is "don't think about it".
Or like "just relax".
I find knowing the appropriate things to say,
instead of saying "I'm here if you need anything",
"let me know what I can do to help you"
so it's not so much work on the person having the anxiety.
- Yeah, 'cause saying it like that also implies
that that person needs to do the work to reach out,
and sometimes a person who's dealing
with that feeling of being anxious can't reach out.
That's the point, so.
- And a lot of times, when people are depressed or anxious,
they don't wanna burden other people,
so they say that they don't need help, but they do.
- I mean it's funny,
'cause you hired me and Molly and stuff
to come help create the content and all that,
but we all I think deal with a modicum
of anxiety and depression in our own inner circle,
and even though I'm here to help make it all happen,
you are an amazing support system for me too.
If you have friends dealing with anxiety
or if you're dealing with anxiety,
surround yourself with people who get it
and can be there for each other during those times,
because there's no right or wrong way to do it
because there's no blueprint.
- Yeah, exactly.
I remember, especially in my last relationship,
he always wanted to fix everything,
and then I kind of felt like he was telling me,
there's something wrong with me,
whereas I just wanted someone to listen to me.
And sure, you know this thing that I have
to do is causing me anxiety,
and anxiety to the degree that I can't get it done,
so telling me to just get it done anyway,
is not gonna help me.
But maybe talking it out
and working, helping, letting me come to my own strategy
of how to deal with it
through probing questions or whatever,
that's a really great way.
- So as a weird aside,
I find structure really helps me.
Shoot days are nice, 'cause we come,
we plan everything, it gets done,
and then it's like there's hours segmented for work.
I go through periods where I don't wanna see anybody.
My bad toxic trait is that when I deal with stuff,
I distance myself, and then I become a recluse,
and I think,
putting yourself around people who are motivated
to keep doing things and having structure,
whether it's at work or in a hobby or exercise,
makes my days a million times better.
- Yeah, there's been some moments
where you can tell that I'm going through anxiety
'cause I'm not responding or I'm being really short,
and then you always said just the nicest,
most supportive messages Moe, and I always cry.
(laughing)
I was like, "Wuh-huh, I have such good people in my life."
- I think part of it is just being reminded though,
you're really good at what you do,
and sometimes people don't say that enough,
and it's nice to have that validation.
It's not even validation, but it's just nice to hear that.
It doesn't cost anything to be nice.
- Oh, totally.
- Everybody's getting really hateful online,
I've noticed lately, and I'm just like,
"Be nice, it's not that hard."
That poutine is really good.
It's miraculous - Right?
You are relentless.
You sit, look at how good your brother's being.
I really like this pizza.
- [Moe] Mm-hmm, it's good.
How do you deal with being online and separating that
from what you're dealing with personally?
- If I'm having a bad day,
and I have to go do something.
I had this event and I called the woman
that works on the team with the management team
that helps me get brand deals and whatnot,
and I was like, "I can't go, I have to cancel.
Like I can't, I can't."
And she had to kind of just talk me through it,
and then I ended up going.
But my anxiety was just like,
"Nope, you can't do this today."
So for me, it's having a good support system with people.
It sounds really easy and stupid
and when you first start dealing with it,
you're like, "Yeah, okay, whatever."
But just sitting and breathing and,
it's amazing what that can do.
Sometimes, instead of just spiraling,
which I will tend to do,
which I used to do a lot more of,
but now I can be like,
"Okay, nope, stop, just sit and breathe."
And sometimes I can do that, and sometimes I can't.
I didn't think that the food
that I had prepped for the demo was enough food.
Started to freak out because I forgot an ingredient.
I thought I was going to be late,
I was doing it completely on my own.
So I kind of, these all things,
all those things just made me seem
or made me feel super overwhelmed,
so I just started to write down the things
that were giving me anxiety
and then how to tackle each one,
so that's kind of how I deal with it.
If I am dark on social media,
I am usually having a really anxious or depressed day.
Luckily, I have a career where I work for myself,
so I can give myself the boundaries
that I need for how bad my anxiety can be
and how bad my depression can be,
and that's very fortunate,
and I know that I am in a very privileged place
to have my life built that way,
and I think I worked really hard to build a life
that kind of accommodates that.
I used to be a chronic bailer.
Used to let people down all the time and now,
I really try and not let that be my signifier.
I know now I'm going to have anxiety before big events,
so what can I do on the days leading up to that
to make it easier.
"How do you talk to a doctor about it
"and get them to take you seriously?"
I was very fortunate in that I had been seeing my therapist
for a year and a half,
and I couldn't get things done, I couldn't concentrate,
and she was the one that suggested I talk
to my GP about an antidepressant.
And then I talked to my GP about it, and they were like,
"Okay, yeah, no, if she thinks that
"that's a good idea, let me ask you,"
she asked me a bunch of questions,
and then we tried kind of together, tried to figure out
which antidepressant was the right thing.
I find it's important to stand up for yourself,
especially as a woman,
we're often not taken seriously by doctors
or healthcare professionals,
and you just have to,
I mean, I've been situations where I've been like,
"No, I'm not leaving until I,
"until someone listens to me,"
or "I'm not leaving until I get this thing."
If it's that important and that bad in your life,
like your depression or anxiety
that you feel the need to go see a doctor,
it is that bad, and you have to make a case for yourself,
and sometimes, unfortunately,
that requires, you know, arguing with your doctor.
But just be honest, don't sensationalize,
and educate yourself
and just go in there knowing,
letting the doctor know that you have an informed opinion
on this and this isn't, maybe it's your last resort
and you've been trying to deal with it
on your own for X amount of time and you know,
share your hesitations and be honest
and be vulnerable with the doctor.
I find that that's really helpful too.
"I started using weed oil for anxiety,
"how do you deal with the major munchies?"
I just eat all the time.
I am a big snack person,
I like to graze all day,
I like junk food, I like candy.
So, I guess in short, I don't really deal with it.
I just, if my body wants to eat something, I just eat it.
I don't follow really a diet other than,
not that veganism is a diet, it's not,
but for some people they're like,
"Well, you do 'cause you're vegan,"
but they'll go when I'm eating.
But I try to be really good.
Most days, not that there's good foods and bad foods,
I don't wanna say that,
but I try to eat more balanced most days
so that when things like this happen,
I don't feel guilty about eating like,
a giant bag of Swedish Berries or whatever.
"How do you talk about it with family,
"especially older ones, grandparents and grandmas?"
Yeah.
My family first didn't really believe in depression.
It's a hard thing to talk about,
but the more you talk about it, the easier it gets,
and this is again one of the reasons
why I wanted to make this video.
You know, my mother went
from being someone that didn't believe
that depression was a real thing
to being very empathetic,
and that was a really scary thing for me
because I always knew growing up
that she didn't believe that depression was a thing.
But through my experience and what I went through,
because I'm so close to her,
she was able to see that this is more than just sadness.
"How do you tell new people
"that come into your life about it?
"I.e., new boyfriend or friends."
I recently started a new relationship
and I straight up, when we had that conversation
about being together, I was like,
"All right, take a seat!
"Here's some things you need to know about me,
"and if this is something that you know,
"maybe you're too selfish,
"and being selfish isn't always a bad thing,
"but if this makes you uncomfortable in any way,
"if this brings up red flags for you,
"then maybe it's better that we don't pursue this."
'Cause I've been in relationships in my past
where the person didn't understand,
the person didn't go out of their way
to be not even accommodating, that's the wrong word,
but know what to do and learn the patterns
and be compassionate and be empathetic,
they just never got there.
And my new relationship definitely was like,
"All right, here's the things we need to talk about,
"here's how I deal with them, here's what this looks like,
"is this something you can handle
"because at the end of the day I don't have a lot of time
"and I don't wanna waste time on someone
"that is gonna think that I'm a crazy person
"because I have anxiety!"
Society sees people like us as,
a lot of the time like broken and damaged, and that sucks.
And so by talking about it, we make it a lot easier,
and by showing the average person,
someone that looks average or looks normal
and then show them that you're struggling with something,
kind of normalizes it.
Okay guys, I think I've been sitting here
for like 30 minutes talking,
so I'm going to stop.
If you're suffering from anxiety or depression,
do reach out to someone.
You can't tell when somebody has it,
and people are scared to talk about it,
so don't be afraid to talk about it,
the more we talk about it, the more normalized it becomes,
the more we can share about how we deal
with things to better ourselves.
Always feel free to reach out to me on Instagram,
I'll leave those handles in the description box below
and I hope you guys have an amazing day!
If you want more videos like this,
leave me a comment in the comment section below,
letting me know what topics you wanna talk about.
Also you can let me know if you're struggling with something
and you're looking for some advice,
and we're a community and we can help each other out,
so somebody's going to have an answer your question
for sure.
And hit that subscribe button if you're new here,
and I'll talk to you next time, bye!
Mmmm, nom nom.
I (beep) love pizza.