>> James: HELLO, GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AND WELCOME TO "THE LATE LATE SHOW."
I MEAN, WE'RE TALKING LIKE ANYBODY'S WATCHING THIS RIGHT
NOW.
WE TAPE THIS AT THREE O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON.
BY THE TIME THIS AIRS, THERE COULD BE A NEW PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES.
WE DON'T KNOW.
NOBODY KNOWS.
NOBODY IS WATCHING MSNBC SAYING, WHAT IS IT, 12:37?
WE SHOULD POP OVER AND SEE WHAT JAMES CORDEN IS GOING TO SAY.
( LAUGHTER )
THIS SHOW ON THE AIR RIGHT NOW.
IT WAS A STRETCH.
AND I WAS THINKING I WONDER HOW REG HANDLES THIS STRESS.
YOU'RE GOOD IN THESE MOMENTS.
WHAT WERE YOU DOING?
>> I HAVE A TUFTY BASTING BAG FULL OF MARIJUANA SMOKE.
AND I WATCHED THE NEW VERSION OF "THE WITCHES."
>> James: ON HBO MAX.
THAT'S WHAT YOU DID LAST NIGHT?
HONESTLY, THE RIGHT CALL.
WHAT ABOUT YOU, IAN?
>> I HAD A BUNCH OF PISTACHIOS AND WATCHED "PRIDE & PREJUDICE."
>> James: I WAS VERY PROUD OF YOU LAST NIGHT, I WAS TEXTING
YOU LAST NIGHT, AND YOU MANAGED TO STICK TO THE DIET.
>> I STUCK TO THE DIET.
IT WAS SO HARD.
>> James: THAT'S INSANE TO ME.
>> THERE'S SO MUCH LEFTOVER HALLOWEEN CANDY AT ME HOUSE.
>> AND YOU DIDN'T TOUCH IT.
>> NOT FOR A SECOND.
THERE WAS HEAVY FLIRTATION.
THE TENSION IN THE ROOM WAS PALPABLE.
BUT I KEPT MY CHASTITY.
>> James: I WISH I HAD DONE THE SAME.
I ORDERED A CURRY.
I DRUNK THREE GLASSES OF WINE.
I DID NOT HAVE A GOOD TIME.
BUT WE DO HAVE HAVE A GREAT SHOW PLANNED FOR YOU TONIGHT.
THE LEGENDARY HENRY WINKLER WILL BE HERE, LATER A PERFORMANCE
FROM THE KILLS.
STICK AROUND FORB THAT BUT FIRST LET'S TALK ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
OBVIOUSLY THE ELECTION WAS MUCH CLOSER THAN ANYONE HAD PREDICTED
DESPITE A LARGE TURNOUT FROM VOTERS, THERE WAS NO CRACKING
BLUE WAVE.
I MEAN HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?
EVEN AFTER THE DEMOCRATS GOT THE CAST OF PARKS & RECREATION TO
REUNIT OVER ZOOM THINK ABOUT IT, THE, TIRE CAST, I THOUGHT THAT
WOULD BE THE TURNING POINT, I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT DIDN'T SPEAK
TO REPUBLICAN VOTERS.
I DON'T.
BUT AS WE-- THE COUNTING CONTINUES.
>> LIKE I SAID WE TAPED THIS IN THE AFTERNOON.
WHO KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN NOW AND AIR TIME.
WHAT WE DO KNOW IS THAT BIDEN PICKED UP WISCONSIN AND MICHIGAN
TODAY AND YEAH, BUT DON'T, JUST DON'T, LIKE YOU KNOW, EVEN SAYS
IN THE TELEPROMPTER THINGS ARE ROOKING GOOD FOR HIM RIGHT NOW
AND I FEEL WEIRD EVEN SAYING THAT.
BUT LAST NIGHT WITH EVERYTHING STILL UP IN THE AIR BIDEN
ADDRESSED A DRIVEIN CROWD AND URGED HIS SUPPORTERS TO BE
PATIENT WITH THE PROCESS.
>> AS I SAID ALL ALONG, ST NOT MY PLACE OR DONALD TRUMP'S PLACE
TO DECLARE WHO HAS WON THIS ELECTION.
THAT IS THE DECISION OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.
BUT I'M OPTIMISTIC ABOUT THIS OUTCOME.
>> James: BIDEN MAY BE OPTIMISTIC BUT DID YOU HEAR ALL
THAT HONKING FROM THE CARS?
THAT IS NOT SUPPORT, THAT IS DEMOCRATS TRYING TO DRIVE INTO
CANADA.
(LAUGHTER) THEN AT 2 A.M. PRESIDENT TRUMP
GAVE A SPEECH URGING HIS SUPPORTERS TO REMAIN CALM WHILE
EVERY SINGLE VOTE IS OFFICIALLY COUNTED, I'M KIDDING, HE DIDN'T.
>> IN IS A FRAUD ON THE AMERICAN PUBLIC THIS IS AN EMBARRASSMENT
TO OUR COUNTRY.
WE WERE GETTING READY TO WIN THIS ELECTION.
FRANKLY, WEÑi DIDÑiTGz THISÑiñrç ELECTION.
>> James:ñr HE TRIED TO UNDERMINE THE ELECTION AND CLAIM
THAT HE WON.
THE COUNTRY WAS SHOCKED.
IN A COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED TURN OF EVENTS DONALD TRUMP DID
EXACTLY WHAT HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO DO.
I MEAN LET'S SEE, FRAUD ON THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, EMBARRASSMENT
TO OUR COUNTRY.
THIS SEEMS LIKE A WEIRD TIME FOR TRUMP TO JUST START LISTING HIS
ADMINISTRATION'S ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
(LAUGHTER) DO WE SEE THE PHOTO OF TRUMP
THERE AGAIN, LOOK AT THAT T IS A SHAME THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY
AMERICAN FLAGS LYING AROUND.
COULD HAVE REALLY USED ONE OR TWO AS A BACK DROP, YOU KNOW?
BUT THIS COULD BE A LONG CONTENTIOUS FIGHT BETWEEN THE
TRUMP AND BIEDEN TEAMS.
THERE WILL PROBABLY BE RECOUNTS.
BOTH SIDES ARE ALREADY PREPARING LAWSUITS.
ONE POLLSTER PREDICTED THAT THIS COULD GET UGLY, COULD IT?
I WOULD HATE FOR THIS TO SUDDENLY TURN UGLY.
(LAUGHTER) ALTHOUGH THERE IS ONE THING WE
DID LEARN LAST NIGHT IS THAT POLLSTERS DON'T KNOW [BLEEP]
(LAUGHTER) I MEAN POLLSTERS KNOW [BLEEP]
ALL ABOUT [BLEEP], CAN YOU IMAGINE.
LIKE IF ANYONE IN THIS ROOM WAS THAT CONSISTENTLY BAD AT THEIR
JOB, NONE OF US WOULD BE ASKED TO COME TO WORK TOMORROW, FOUR
YEARS AGO PEOPLE ARE LIKE YOU KNOW, WE ALL HAVE A BAD DAY AT
WORK.
WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.
BUT THIS TIME I WILL SAY IT AGAIN, THEY DON'T KNOW [BLEEP].
WHAT EVEN IS, WHAT DO POLLSTERS DO, HOW DOES THIS WORK.
>> I THINK POLLSTERS ARE THOSE GUYS AT THE OLYMPICS HOLD THE
POLE AND THE-- .
IS THAT RIGHT.
>> James: PEOPLE THAT DO THE HIGH JUMP.
>> POLE VAULT.
>> James: POLE VAULT.
HOW DO YOU GET INTO POLE VAULTING?
YOU NEVER SEE A KID WALKING AROUND WITH A 35 FOOT POLE YOU
NEVER SEE A KID, GET INTO POLE VAULT.
NEVER HAPPENS BUT I WOULD TRUST THAT KID MORE THAN ANY POLLSTER,
BUT ST ALREADY GETTING UGLY BECAUSE JUST THIS AFTERNOON THE
TRUMP CAMPAIGN WENT AHEAD AND UNILATERALLY CLAIMED VICTORY IN
SEVERAL STATES DONALD TRUMP TWEETED WE HAVE CLAIMED FOR LECH
TOLA%S THE PENNSYLVANIA, THE STATE OF GEORGIA AND THE STATE
OF NORTH CAROLINA EACH ONE OF WHICH HAS A BIG TRUMP LEAD,
ADDITIONALLY WE HEARBY CLAIM THE STATE OF MICHIGAN.
NOW YOU KNOW IT'S SERIOUS WHEN HE IS USING "HEREBY."
GUYS, THIS IS FORMAL LEGAL TWITTER.
TRUMP MIGHT BE RIGHT AM HE REALLY MIGHT T STATES CLEARLY IN
THE CONSTITUTION FINDERS KEEPERS LOSERSES WEEPERS.
IS THIS HOW IT WORKS HERE.
YOU CAN JUST DECLARE VICTORY ANY TIME YOU WANT ON ANYTHING.
BECAUSE IF THAT IS THE CASE THERE ARE A COUPLE OF EMMYS I
WOULD LOVE TO CLAIM.
REG, YOU EVER WON A GRAMMY?
>> Reggie: NO.
>> James: YOU'VE GOT ONE, BUDDY.
>> Reggie: THANK YOU.
>> I HEARBY CLAIM FOR ELECTORAL VOTE PURPOSES YOU WON A GRAMMY.
WHILE WE ARE AT IT, THE REST OF THE BAND, ACADEMY AWARD, DONE,
CONGRATS GUYS, CONGRATS.
BUT JOE BIDEN IS PUSHING BACK.
DURING A SPEEMP IN DELAWARE THIS AFTERNOON HE HAD THIS TO SAY.
>> I'M NOT HERE TO DECLARE THAT WE WON.
BUT I AM HERE TO REPORT WHEN THE COUNT IS FINISHED WE BELIEVE WE
WILL BE THE WINNER.
>> James: HOW IS JOE BIDEN EVEN AWAKE RIGHT NOW.
I WENT TO BED AT LIKE 3 A.M. AND I AM EXHAUSTED.
AND I'M NOT IN THE RACE.
LIKE WHAT HAPPENED TO, I MEAN YOU CALL HIM SLEEPY JOE, THE MAN
HAS BEEN AWAKE FOR LIKE 72 HOURS NOW.
ELECTION DAY HAD ITS CHALLENGES THOUGH.
SOME UNEXPECTED PROBLEMS SLOWED THE ENTIRE PROCESS.
FOR EXAMPLE REPORTING WAS DELAYED IN GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN,
BECAUSE THEY RAN OUT OF PRINTER INK.
NOW I SAW THIS, I THOUGHT HAVE THEY TRIED CHANGING THE FONT
COLOR TO A DARK BLUE?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, SOMETIMES IT WORKS, DARK BLUE, DARK GREEN,
OFTEN WORKS, YOU KNOW.
BUT THIS IS JUST AS THOMAS JEFFERSON SAID, ALMOST 200 YEARS
AGO, DEMOCRACY CANNOT PREVAIL WITHOUT A SOLID BACKUP SUPPLY OF
TONER CART RIDGES.
BUT GREEN BAY ACTED QUICKLY.
THEY SAID TO THE VOTERS I STAY IN LINE AT THE POLLS, WE'RE
GOING TO GET IN LINE AT THE OFFICE DE POT.
REPORTING WAS ALSO DELAYED IN GEORGIA'S LARGEST COUNTY AFTER A
WATER PIPE BROKE IN A COUNTING ROOM.
THAT WAS NOT THE KIND OF BLUE WAVE THAT PEOPLE WERE HOPING
FOR.
BASICALLY EVEN THE BUILDING WAS SO STRESSED IT POPPED A FOREHEAD
INVESTIGATION EL.
-- VESSEL.
VOTE IN THE COUNTIES THAT LEADS HEAVILY DEMOCRATIC WERE DELAYED
FOR HOURS AS THEY TRIED TO FIX THE LEAK.
THE PLUMBER LOOKED COMPETENT ENOUGH.
OF COURSE THE CHOICE FOR PRESIDENT WASN'T THE ONLY ISSUE
ON THE BALLOT YESTERDAY.
FOUR STATES ENDED UP VOTING TO LEGALIZE RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA.
ARIZONA, MONTANA, SOUTH DAKOTA AND NEW JERSEY.
YEAH.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT NEW JERSEY LOOKS LIKE WHEN EVERYBODY'S
HIGH?
EXACTLY THE SAME.
EVEN SOUTH DAKOTA LEGALIZED WEED.
ALTHOUGH I'M NOT SURE ANYONE WANTED TO SEE THAT.
OREGON TOOK THINGS EVEN FURTHER VOTING TO DE CRIMINALIZE ALL
HARD DRUGS FOR PERSONAL USE INCLUDING COCAINE AND HEROIN.
YEAH.
HEY THEIR BASKETBALL TEAM ISN'T CALLED THE TRAIL BLAZERS FOR
NOTHING.
IAN, YOU ARE FROM PORTLAND, WHICH ONE OF THESE SUBSTANCES
ARE YOU MOST EXCITED ABOUT BEING ON AT THANKS GIVING THIS YEAR.
>> I GET ALONG WITH MY FAMILY GREAT, I'M GOING STRAIGHT GRAPHY
WILL SO SNEU THIS IS WHAT YOU SEE WHEN YOU DRIVE INTO
ARGONAUT, A SIGN THAT SAYS IF YOU LIVED HERE YOU WOULD BE, ARE
YOU HALVING A GLET I AM I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME LET ME TELL
BUT THE GREAT TIME I'M HAVING, BY THE WAY THIS DJ IS AMAZING.
I ALWAYS THOAT YOU I WOULD BE AN AMAZING DRK J.
AMAZING PRODUCTION.
IS MEI JAW DOING ANYTHING WEIRD, NO, RIGHT, ANYWAY, MY DAD IS
SUCH A JERK.