It's a new year which means many laws
that were passed last year are now going into effect.
So tonight, we're gonna take a look at some of the laws
you need to know about in our ongoing segment,
"New Laws, Who Dis?"
-♪ ♪ -(applause and cheering)
First up-- Arkansas.
It's one of the top 50 states in America.
(laughter)
And now, a new law there is shaking up the world of science.
The Natural State is taking a stance against human cloning.
A new law in Arkansas bans
public funding for human cloning
or destructive embryo research.
The penalty-- a class A misdemeanor and $1,000 fine.
Oh. Sorry, people of Arkansas.
New year, no new you. That's right.
If you try to do human cloning in Arkansas,
you will face a $1,000 fine.
Which doesn't seem like enough to stop someone from doing it.
I'm not gonna lie.
Like, I don't know if there's a mad scientist somewhere
who's like, "My clone army will take over the world!
"Wait. A thousand dollars? Mah! Forget it!
I'll go back to the carwash."
For real, $1,000 is not much of a fine to get a clone.
Like, especially if you can just split the fine
with your clone. Then it's half.
You know who I really feel bad for?
All the twins in Arkansas. Yeah.
'Cause the cops are gonna be stopping them all the time like,
"We don't take to clones around here."
It's like, "No, we were born this way."
"Prove it. Describe your Mom's vagina."
(laughter, groaning)
But the new laws of 2020 aren't just
about what you can do with your body.
Some of them are also about what you are putting into it.
On New Year's Day,
the FDA's new nutritional labeling rules kicked in,
launching a host of changes to the way
that manufacturers are required to label packaged foods.
One of the biggest changes
that you'll notice requires large food manufacturers
to list two different columns
on the nutrition labels for their products.
So one listing the nutrition facts for a single serving,
the other new label listing the nutrition facts
-for the entire package. -WOMAN 2: Ah.
-WOMAN: So think, bag of chips, pint of ice cream. -Mm.
Anything not good for that New Year's resolution.
-Yes. Yes. -(laughter, applause)
Thank you. Thank you.
This has been pissing me off for so long.
How you gonna put the serving,
and then the bag is another serving?
Like, I picked up a bag of chips,
and it's, like, 100 calories. I'm like, "Oh, that's great."
Then after I eat the bag, I look back.
It's, like, five servings per bag.
What the hell! Why would you put five servings into one bag?
What, you think I'm gonna call four of my friends, like,
"You guys want to come over? I've got a bag of chips!"
(laughter)
But even with the new label,
a lot of people don't even understand what calories mean.
So I think they need to give us practical information,
you know, like how much your tummy will hurt
after you eat the food. Yeah.
How many pimples you'll get the next day.
Maybe, like, a scratch-and-sniff label to let you know
how your farts will smell after you eat the food. Yeah?
So you can be like... (sniffs) "Oh, Goddam!
Yeah, I'm still gonna eat them."
I do like having the information, though.
I won't lie.
In fact, I wish they did it for more than just food.
Wouldn't it be great if people came
with warning labels with nutrition, yeah?
So you knew what you were getting into
when you meet someone.
Be like, "Wow. Two servings of douchebag.
"Okay, okay. Well, I can work with that.
I can work with it."
(applause and cheering)
And finally, while the FDA is working to be more transparent,
New Jersey has a new law
allowing some things to stay private.
MAN: 18 new laws go into effect in New Jersey this year.
One of the most talked about is a law barring employers
from using salary history to screen potential workers.
The bill's sponsor says employers were
previously able to ask about salary history,
which they argue perpetuated a wage gap
that favored men over women.
Okay, now this is actually a great law.
Because, you see, before this,
instead of paying people based on the work,
some employers were underpaying people
based on their previous earnings,
which was suppressing, especially women's wages.
If you don't get paid well, you go to the next job.
They're like, "How much were you paid?
We'll pay you the same, but a little bit more."
The wage gap just continued to grow.
But now, bosses can't ask that question.
I bet they're gonna find ways to try, though, you know?
Yeah, they're just gonna be like,
"So, uh, when you watch Hulu, do you have ads?"
(laughter)
"Okay. No? Okay, okay, okay.
Can you start on Monday? Okay."
So hopefully, this new law will help a lot of people,
because your past salary shouldn't determine
what you get in the future.
I mean, imagine if that happened with other things in life.
Like, when you get into a new relationship,
they negotiate based on your previous one, you know?
You'd be like, "So my ex only lasted two minutes in bed."
Be like, "Okay, well, great.
"Uh, I'll bump that up to three and a half.
Is that good? Yeah?"