I’m Fraser and my dad is gay.
and I'm Fraser's dad and I am gay.
When my dad came out for me, obviously as a child it was a bit of a fright and a shock,
but I didn’t take it very well to begin with I don’t think, I struggled kinda with
the concept of having a gay parent and growing up in the west of Scotland that was just not
a thing you know men were men and that’s the kind of attitude and I worried that maybe
it would stop my dad being able to do what other dads do,
in this kinda box that we put things in.
But obviously, I was to learn that that was not the case and that was just my dad.
How was coming out for you?
Well coming out happened after quite a long process. Your mum and I had already split up,
we’d got divorced, I’d lost my job at the church which I thought was going to
be my whole life and our home and everything else, so we’d had a really, really difficult time.
So by the time I came out, when I was 42, all that bad stuff had happened and so
it wasn’t so bad as you think.
And what stopped you coming out before?
Well it was really difficult to come out before
because first of all I was married, we had three children, I was working for the church.
Being gay in the church is difficult enough, back then it was a lot more difficult.
I was brought up to believe that this was the worst sin on the planet, so no, I couldn't.
Positives about having a gay parent? Well there’s plenty. My worldly view has been
moulded better I think you know. I more accepting of people in different situations. I’m not
in a bubble, I don’t think, of what is right and what is wrong and that’s it I’m allowed
to see other people and see things for what they are.
Challenges that I faced as a child of a gay parent was, people just didn’t understand how
that was a thing. I used to love telling people that my dad was gay because they’d say no!
Or I’m so sorry for you, in the church I used to get I’m so sorry for you, we'll
pray for him. I was very happy at that point once I accepted who my dad was in myself and
understood better, it was much easier because at the end of the day I’ve got a father
who loves me and will do anything for me, and a lot of children would kill for that opportunity.
It's really important that you accept yourself for who you are. When people say
to you, because the colour of your skin or your particular religion or your gender or
your sexual orientation, when they make you feel that you are less than they are, I think
if you accept yourself for who you are and be happy in your own skin, that goes a long way to pushing
those horrible things away that the world throws at you.
You know, my advice to anyone who is a child of a gay parent is sometimes in school you
might get challenges. People might say things, they might say you're gay because your dad is,
they might say homophobic things towards you yourself because of it. So my advice to them would be
know that you are loved, know that you are looked after and know that there is a
lot of kids in a lot worse situations who don’t have one parent never mind two,
no matter if they are same sex or not. Also when you grow up you’ll learn that in life there's
lots of different people in lots of different positions. I’ve had a hard, hard time
in my life, that was very, very difficult and the one person who was there
for most of it, by my side was my dad.
So no matter whether he was gay or straight or not, he was the one that stood by me and
helped me and supported me through that.
I don’t know where I’d be without him, too be honest.
no, I don’t know where you’d be without me either.
*Laughter*