A major obstacle to self-knowledge and in turn, to a flourishing life, is our tendency
to lie to ourselves.
We lie for a very understandable reason: because we want to avoid pain.
There are four things we particularly like to lie to ourselves about: Things we need to change
about our lives. Things that might disturb our self-image. Things we badly want and can't
have. Things we are angry with orthers about but don't dare to express. Here are some of the leading manoeuvers we employ to kid ourselves.
1. Addiction.
*Pornography noises*
We identify something that can powerfully keep our thoughts away from troubling inner confrontations.
Often, we don't so much like what distracts us in and of itself: we get attached because
of its ability to keep us away from what we fear.
2. Manic Cheeriness.
Guys I just want to propse a toast to friendship and yeah just to having great times together. I'm so glad
you came, I hope your all having fun.
A sadness we haven't been able to admit to is often covered up withexaggerated doses of manic cheeriness.
Are you having fun? Yeah Yeah.
I'm so happy, it's so nice to see you. Yeah you too. It's really lovely, it's really fun
it's been really fun.You look amazing.
We aren't happy so much as incapable of allowing ourselves to feel even the slightest sadness, in case we were to be overwhelmed by our troubling feelings.
3. Denigration.
I'm pleased I didn't go to university. I know you met alot of people
and that you're friends for life but I don't think that paying 9000 a year to make friends
is really the best use of my money. Especially if i'm going to have to pay that back.
We tell ourselves that we simply don't care about something - not because that's true, but because we can't have it.
I have got a friend that does contempary movement practise. I learnt
to walk when I was little I don't need to... I just learnt myself. You fall over you get
up, I don't need a tutor to tell me, you know this is how movement looks in the 20th century.
I just sit at the bus stop.
4. Censoriousness.
So it was the village counciller. There all in the bed and breakfast and that's where it begins. It's this kind of orgy situation
and I think first of all it's abuse of power. But why people need to commit to group sex?
I find it so weird.
We can often grow censorious and disapproving of certain people and behaviours
to ward off an awareness that a part of us in fact really likes the condemmed element.
and kind of creepy and discusting, I just. I do not want to be in a harness doing that
kind of thing. I'm just not interested.
When our feelings get tricky, we attack them in someone else.
I think it's disgusting. I don't understand why someone needs to have multiple partners.
5. Defensiveness.
Because you're so strong, so good and talented and it is
very unique I think actually you know what would happen if you just stripped it all back
and took away all the bells and whistles the effects and just kind of just went just you
just the guitar. Wow. that's rude to sit there and just. Well it's quite arrogent to tell
me what you think I should do with what i'm doing. What do you even know about music?
You just press buttons and stuff don't you? Just press play and pause. You don't actually
create any music. So for you to tell me what to do with mine is just really, it comes across really full of yourself.
Feeling offended takes up all our attention. It muddies the
waters. When we are defensive, we no longer pay attention to information that may - at
its heart - be correct but challenging.
Like you don't know what you're talking about i
know what i'm doing with my music and if it doesn't appeal to you I'm sorry but you probably
don't kind of know the genre that i'm going for. Or the feeling. Maybe I'm not going for a genre.
The problem with lying to ourselves is that in so doing. We miss out on key opportunities for growth.
Don't tell me how to do my craft in front of my friends. I know what I'm doing.
You get it. You get it. You absolutely get it.
The things we're in denial about are painful. But usually also contain crucial material that's vital to our overall development.
I'm so much happier being single. You know even the movies are good on your own. I didn't
know that I thought it was a couple thing but even that's good now. I've got more space in the appartment.
If we could face up to our stranger thoughts, needs and desires.
We'd learn to navigate more freely in our minds and our honesty would render us more
creative, interesting and pleasant to be around.
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