NOW WE'VE ALL SEEN THOSE PRESCRIPTION DRUG ADS ON TV
WHERE AT THE END OF IT IT SAYS SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE.
AND THEN THEY LIST A LONG LIST OF SIDE EFFECTS.
WELL, IT TURNS OUT THAT SIDE EFFECTS AREN'T JUST FOR DRUGS.
THERE'S SIDE EFFECTS FOR JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING IN LIFE.
WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR SEGMENT, SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE.
>> SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE.
>> NOW IS THERE ANYONE HERE THINKING OF FILLING IN FOR JAMES
CORDEN LAST MINUTE?
HUH?
NOW BECAUSE IF YOU ARE THINKING OF FILLING IN FOR JAMES CORDEN
LAST MINUTE YOU SHOULD KNOW THERE ARE SIDE EFFECTS AND THOSE
SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE NOT HAVING TO BUY JAMES CORDEN A
BABY GIFT BECAUSE THIS SHOULD COUNT.
(LAUGHTER) CALLING EVERYONE WHO WORKS ON
THE SHOW CHIEF BECAUSE [BLEEP] YOU'RE HERE FOR ONE DAY, YOU'RE
NOT GOING TO LEARN ANY NAMES.
COME ON.
REALIZING THAT JAMES CORDEN'S PARKING SPOT IS FURTHER AWAY
FROM THE BUILDING THAN YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.
(LAUGHTER) LOOKING AT HIS BOOK SHELF AND
SEEING AN UNOPENED DVD COPY OF MY MOVIE LAST FLAG FLYING THAT
HE TOLD ME HE WATCHED AND THOUGHT WAS A MASTER PIECE.
(APPLAUSE) AND THE FINAL SIDE EFFECT OF
FILLING IN FOR JAMES CORDEN LAST MINUTE IS NONE OF HIS SUITS FIT.
THIS IS TRUE.
THESE ARE REAL SIDE EFFECTS.
NOW ANYONE HEAR THINK BEING GETTING A CANCER DIAGNOSIS,
HAVING NO MONEY AND REALIZING THE ONLY WAY TO TAKE CARE OF
YOUR LOVED ONES IS BY JOINING FORCES WITH A STONER AND SELLING
MET?
NOW I HAVE BEEN THERE.
I HAVE BEEN THERE, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE I THISSING.
WELL, IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT GETTING A CANCER DIAGNOSIS,
HAVING NO MONEY AND REALIZING THE ONLY WAY TO TAKE CARE OF
YOUR LOVED ONES IS BY JOINING FORCES WITH A STONER AND SELLING
MET YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT THERE ARE SIDE EFFECTS AN THOSE SIDE
EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE, COULD BE STANTLY HAVING TO ANSWER TO "YO
BITCH!
".
THAT HAPPENS.
REALIZING YOU'RE SURPRISINGLY GOOD AT MAKING MET.
WHO KNEW.
THAT YOUR CANCER IS GOING IN REMISSION BUT YOU STILL SELL
MET.
AND THE FINAL SIDE EFFECT OF GETTING A CANCER DYING NO SISES
HAVING NO MONEY AND REALIZING ONLY WAY TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR
LOVED ONE IS BY JOINING FORCES WITH A STONER AND SELLING MET IS
GOING THROUGH SOME SERIOUS HEISENBERGS AND LOWSENBERGS.
(APPLAUSE) NOW ANYONE HEAR THINKING ABOUT
TELLING YOUR FRIENDS TO CALL YOU CRANDEMONIUM?
LET'S SEE THE HANDS.
I KNOW I'M NOT ALONE THERE.
NOW IF ARE YOU THINK BEING TELLING YOUR FRIENDS TO CALL YOU
CRANDEMONIUM, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT THERE ARE SIDE EFFECTS AND
THOSE SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE, TAKING A BREAK FROM ACTING SO
YOU CAN DEVOTE SOME TIME TO ALL THE HIGH FIVES YOU'RE GETTING.
YEAH!
YEAH, YEAH!
GETTING A TABLE AT THE BUSIEST RESTAURANT IN THE CITY BY
CALLING THE RESERVATION DESK AND SAYING CRANDEMONIUM, PARTY OF
WHATEVER THE HELL I FEEL LIKE.
WHAT?
HAVING ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS CALL YOU BIG CRANBERRY.
AND HAVING HIM REMOVED FROM YOUR LIFE COMPLETELY.
LISTEN, THE EMAIL WAS VERY CLEAR, IT'S CRANDEMONIUM OR
NOTHING.
AND THE FINAL SIDE EFFECT OF TELLING YOUR FRIENDS TO CALL YOU
CRANDEMONIUM IS GOING TO PRISON BECAUSE YOU GOT PULLED OVER AND
WHEN THE POLICE OFFICER ASKED FOR YOUR I.D. YOU JUST SHOWED
THEM YOUR CRANDEMONIUM TATTOO AND SAID SUCK ON THAT, COPPER.
(APPLAUSE) THAT WAS SIDE EFFECTS MAY
INCLUDE.
DON'T GO ANYWHERE, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.