*WHAPOOSH* Top o' the mornin' to ya laddies! Um, it's your boi, uhh...
...Skinny penis. Back at you once again with another Shark Dating Simulator XL video, and don't you forget:
#SHARKSQUAD. That's what we're here to promote today.
We're here to be part of the Shark Squad because sharks are people too.
I predicted the twist in the game in the first episode. I said sharks are people too.
I was joking, but that's actually what it is, that's how the game ended up turning out.
But we're back at the Golden Fin!
Here I go sneaking again. I just love sneaking.
How dare you!
This is at the bottom of the ocean, it's the best that they can make it.
Um... Thank you for inviting me into this garbage pile that is your house.
*sarcastically* Oh, it's very nice, yes, I really love what you've done with the...
...garbage around here.
I'll have you know, I have spent four years cooking meth out the back of my house.
I know a little bit or two about...
Uh... Chemicals...
...and rotting my brain.
.*high pitch laugh* I'm a shark, I don't got the opposable thumbs,
*normal voice* ya fuckin' moron!
Okay, you know what?
I was jumping on Marina's case with the whole
'casual sexism' that was going on with her, and I thought you were better than this, game me!!
I thought you were better than this but no, here we go. What, what is Shark Squad about?
If not acceptance and understanding?!
Moving forward!! This used to say: 'Let's Make 2018 Amazing!'
It's still there somewhere, I still believe in it, but not like this....
Not like this...
Yeah, LIKE A BOSS!!
IT IS ME!! Awww yeah!!
Nice one! All he needs to say now is high-fives all around, but maybe high-flippers all around?
Wait, I'M transforming?
Say what now?
What?!
Hold on, um... Excuse me- WOAH...WOAH!
Holy God!!
Oh my God, did you see that shark booty?! Wait... You were still kind of shark-ish.
Was that manganese? Was that a flash bang?
Hot damn, check out the flippers on those bazongas!!
Should we... should we tell her?
Nope, nobody show her a picture of a human. Quick cover your faces!
Umm, yes! A hu-man!
Yeah, you've still got flipper hands, though...
I have to go with that one! Aw dang, she thicc tho!
Hash- aw, I'm gonna have to fuckin' change that to #ThiccSharkSquad.
#THICCSHARKS
Baka!
"Let's swim up to the beach-" Beach!
...Nincki Minjaj...
Goddamn!
Why- why am I having...
...weird feelings? Why is my sexuality being questioned? Before I was like, I know what I want in life.
All I want is a fine beer, a good steak, and a...
...dog?
I don't know.
Now I'm like, everything's- everything's thrown out of whack, I don't know what I want anymore!!
Do- Am I attracted... attracted to sharks now? This is how fetishes are born.
I'm sorry that I brought all of this into your lives, and now you're all sexually attracted to sharks.
What are you gonna do, life is life.
It's all salt and water and-
I know, right. You've got a huuuge...
...very round set of lungs on you right now.
Oh yeah!
*gurgling*
Okay, this is a little straightforward there Shark Chan.
Hoho! Listen. When it comes to balls, ain't nobody got more than Jackaboy.
Well, I mean, okay! *zip sound*
What are you talking about? I have 19 balls!
I assure you, that's way more than any one man on land has!
"Look, I did my best!" I came out of the womb the way that I was supposed to!
It's not like I was in there and I was like, in a fucking character customization,
surrounded by placenta, wondering 'Hmm... Bigger genitals? Oh, no thanks!'
Yeah...
Or maybe she's trying to say your balls a- swell. Cause I- my balls be thicc and swole, dawg.
You mean the only date we had?
You're not a fish anymore, your memory's more than three seconds
You hear that, everybody?
Anybody out there, just being nice! That's why they say nice guys finish last,
'cause apparently your balls get bigger and it slows you down.
Oh shit, I called her thicc.
Wait, I just got more balls. I was at 19, now I'm at 24.
It didn't say 'fish balls'.
I need my fish balls!
Man, what a huge bitch... Excuse me?! I said I have a bad itch!
Ball jokes.
Oh, come on!
Out here castratin' me in front of everybody, in front of my salad?
Thank God!
All this time, the people in the comments were like:
'Oh, what a little bitch baby!
When are his balls ever gonna drop?'
You remember that, GTA V community?
You remember?
I remember.
I never forget.
But finally, it's happening! The big reveal!
It was first Shark Chan's big reveal, now it's mine. Time for the balls to drop! Here comes puberty...
This is very, very, VERY weird.
Oh! Goody! Boobies for everybody!
Come on!
I was promotin' the Shark Squad!
I was tryin' my best to be inclusive here, and here you go.
Mockin' me with my tiny sack of balls... in front of everybody!
What the fuck, Shark Chan?
Oh God, do I really have to?
At this point I don't even want to. Just gonna take my tiny balls.
Oh God, what do I do?
Ohhh.
Ohh, so I have to use the balls that I have to get down to the bottom, okay.
I'll send out two and see where they go.
Very good, very good, very good. This is like Huniepop all over again.
Okay, you go down th- NOOOO wrong way!
Keep, goin', keep goin' to the right, go back this way!
Oh God, she's getting more provocative.
She has a tattoo that says 'step-dad' on her arm!
This is fuckin' gross! I don't want anything to do with Shark Chan anymore!
I'm gonna take my tiny sack and go!
Yesss, that's where you need to be.
But by golly, I'm not passing up the chance to get a high score.
No siree, Bob!
Shiiit. That's a bad one!
Okay, get back up there. Yesss bubble-bobble, here we go!
Fuck!
Okay, let's see where the balls lie!
Okay, I need to get it on the very edge over here.
BOOM!
No- YES! Get in there!
Nice, nice. What score do I need to be getting?
What kind of score do I need to be gettin'
to make Shark Chan forget about her step-dad and start thinkin' more about step-Jack?
Huh?
That's a weird sentence, forget I said that, that's horrible-
OH MOTHER OF GOD!!
Jesus Christ!
That's full-on, shark boobs right now! This is...
Okay...
That got waaaay more real, a lot quicker than I thought it was gonna be.
I did not know that the game had this in it.
Ohh Jesus...
Well...
That's a sight for no eyes.
Well, my balls are gone and I got the booby pot prize.
Quite literally.
I thought she was jokin'.
Perfectly fine.
Perfectly okay with never seeing any more of what you have going on because...
My God, my eyes!
...sure do.
The booby prize, and all those nightmares...
I'm sending you my fuckin'...
...psychiatry bills by the way.
Oh, not again.
Not again, I'm scared.
Oh please, no. Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it.
UHHMMM...
I did not consent.
W-was that...? Oh, thank God, it did not- it didn't show any more than that.
Fuckin' hell.
Oh, Jesus fuckin' Christ...
Ohh nooo...
I'd like ta' apologize to my Mom, my Dad...
Oh, Jesus...
Oh, Jesus.
Oh boy, you're here... and still alive.
I'm acting astonished.
Oh, buckle the fuckle up, sister; I will tell you a tale.
A fish tale! In my face!
Keep it comin' keep it goin'.
Nahh, we're not feelin' that option.
We're not feelin' that option.
I'm thinkin' either one or two.
A sentence I never, ever, EVER thought I would get the privilege of being able to say is:
"I just got fucked by a Great White Shark!"
Sure, why not?
That is not something to aspire towards.
That's not even a real thing.
Man, you don't get a lot of dillhole anymore, do you?
It's a lot of 'douchebag';
It's a lot of 'motherfuckers'!
Very few dillholes. That's a good one! I'm gonna bring back dillhole.
Also...
I- I think...
Not really feeling this... much, anymore...
Not after what that shark did to me.
How did I mess up the time-space continuum?
Come on, come on, Marina!
I know, a hu-
I'm comin' in. I'm co-
Come on everybody, group hug for Marina!
Way to stand up for what you believe in!
Wait, what?!
Was that it?!
You just said we were goin' on another thing!
What?!
I am...
VERY not okay right now.
I think a shark just took advantage of me.
And did some stuff to me that I'll never forget...
"Sharks have been around for over 400 million years."
Coooool...
I'm just gonna be over here... in the shame corner...
*stuttering* I don't like it anymore.
I'm just gonna stay here.
*soft crying*
But that does it for Shark Dating Simulator XL!
Man, we have been on a journey!
That took a COMPLETE right-angle turn
from where I ever thought that that game was gonna go.
That was so fuckin' bizarre.
But also, enlightening.
I'm glad I played it...
...but I'm glad I never ever have to play it or look at it again.
I have seen things that no man should ever have to see...
...and I'm done.
But THANK you guys so much for watching this adventure; if you LIKED it: PUNCH that like button IN the face-
LIKE A BOSS!!!
And, high fives all around!
WHAPOOSH!
But THANK you guys, and I will SEE ALL YOU DUDES...
IN THE NEXT VIDEO!!!
I am never, ever gonna be able to look at a shark the same way, EVER again.