Hello internet. I'm having one of those quarter life crises again.
Yes, again, this isn't just something that happens overnight like:
"So, what did you get up to over the weekend?"
"Oh, you know, just contemplated the meaning of existence and my place in the universe,
"But I worked it out and I've got a plan now.
"Wanna grab lunch?"
You know what my favourite spot to lie down is at the moment? Here.
It's just so perfect as it supports my body, but lets my limbs just flop hopelessly over the edges.
I've been on a mission of personal discovery this new year,
And I'm uploading this in March, which is how much I fucking suck at it.
And the objective of the mission is to find true happiness in my life.
So just casual, yeah? One of those achievable resolutions, like:
Buying less single-use plastic, or flossing.
Which I'm doing both of, by the way; save the whales.
And, also, check this out. See any plaque? I thought not.
Um, but I am very depressed.
And this mission's not just to find a dream life to work towards in the future,
But to find a sustainable feeling of content right now so that I feel happy in the present.
And, as I was searching for answers, not in a cool way like climbing a mountain in Peru,
Then drinking something psychedelic and meeting God,
I mean sat on a fucking armchair googling stuff at 3:00 A.M.
I kept reading that the first step in finding happiness was to live your truth.
What the fuck does that mean?
Don't that half sound like some grade A wishy-washy yoga avocado motivational poster Oprah philosophical bullshit?
Yes, but it's right.
The idea is that, for some people, unless you are honest with yourself about who you are and live life by your rules,
You will never feel free.
See, the world has this funny habit of forcing us into situations that sweep us up and, before we know it,
We're doing something weird and we don't know why, and we look in the mirror and don't recognise the people that we've become.
We grow up as individuals, believing in magic and being told to follow our dreams:
"Daddy, when I grow up, I want to be a fireman... and a unicorn!"
"Sure thing, Tommy."
But, as we get older, society pressures us to conform.
You have to act like this, you have to dress like that, you have to be this person or get rejected.
And, as well as that, we have to deal with the situations that we are born into;
Not everybody is given the same opportunities in life.
And these things all come together to create the story that defines who you are.
I think mine would be called: "Sad Nerd Can't Make Up His Mind And Complains A Lot"
Starring Timothée Chalamet.
And Meryl Streep as me.
But these stories aren't who we are, they're just what's happened to us.
And if you don't like it, then you have to throw it in the trash and write it yourself.
If you were a fish farmer living on a farm with a fishy family who feed you fish everyday because they think you love it,
And they want you to marry a fishy friend and live forever on the farm,
But you actually hate it and you wish that you were an asexual vegan gymnast that travels with a circus,
Then you are not gonna be happy until you live your truth!
...Frankie!
I bet one person watching this is like, "Shit, that me."
So, the first step is to be honest with yourself about who you know you really are and who you want to be,
And that means letting go of anything you tell yourself because you are afraid.
Afraid of what other people might think, afraid of choices you've made and things that you might have to change or confront to do that.
And that's scary, right?
But you know what's scarier?
Wasting what little time you have left before you die.
Okay, I'm sorry, you knew that I was gonna bring that up at some point.
So what do you have to lose, really?
Don't go through life just being somebody that people like, be yourself.
And if people don't like that, find different people; 'cause people are usually just jealous that they are too scared to do that themselves.
Which is very dramatic-sounding but, honestly, how many of us can say that we are being truly authentic?
The problem for me personally is that, half the time, I don't know who I am or what I want.
My dreams in life change faster than my mood did that time I ran out of meds last year.
"I just wanna do something meaningful."
"Nah, I just wanna kill it on YouTube by uploading casual entertaining content three times a week."
"No! I feel like I wanna go back to university and learn more."
"Just make up your goddamn mind already!"
So, okay, forget the future.
What makes me happy in the present, if that's something that I'm trying to achieve?
Well, that's pretty simple.
Laughter, food, and sex.
So basically, stuff coming in and out of my mouth, apparently.
Wow. Side note, Google "oral fixation" later.
There we go, that's my plans for 3 a.m.
Which sounds easy enough to aim for, right? But I know that, first, I need to let go of any baggage that I'm holding on to,
And embrace the truth about who I know I really am as only then can I be a real, physical, present person that can find happiness,
Instead of just a shell with a consciousness forever floating five feet above my head staring sardonically down from above.
"Boo, you suck!"
Rude.
And that's hard, I admit. Mainly, it's frustrating to learn more about yourself
As you feel like you're so annoyed at how much time you've wasted in your life by not living it already.
Sometimes, I wish I could just go back in time and redo parts of my life where I knew as much about the world and myself as I do now.
"This ain't Interstellar, bitch, that's not how this works!"
Okay, who are you? You are super rude.
"I'm you, and what's stopping you from just living this life from now?"
I don't know.
"You're scared."
Alright, Jesus, chill out.
Sorry.
It is scary, but if any of you feel like something's not right and you aren't content, ask yourself:
"Are you living your truth?"
And, if not, forget what anyone else thinks; even if it's one, tiny, impossible step at a time,
Each one will bring you infinitely closer to happiness.
So that's where I'm at this year, basically, just a little life update for you,
And yeah, 'guess I'm gonna go think about how I can be more authentic and happy myself,
And laugh at a joke with a chocolate bar and something else in my mouth.
Bye.