♪ ♪
>> Greg: WHAT CAN WE LEARN
FROM PRODUCTS THAT CRASH AND
BURN?
AND MUSEUM GIVES THANKS TO IDEAS
THAT TANK.
NEW YORK HAS OPENED THE MUSEUM
OF FAILURE.
[LAUGHTER]
ISN’T IT?
ALREADY?
WHICH YOU MIGHT KNOW BY ITS
FORMER NAME, CNN HEADQUARTERS.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
YOU CAN STOP BY THE GIFT SHOP,
AND FOR $20, CHRIS WALLACE WILL
GIVE YOU A FOOT RUB.
[LAUGHTER]
AND FOR AN EXTRA $8 COME HE’LL
GIVE YOU A CNN PLUS.
>> Kat: OH, GOD!
[AUDIENCE GROANS]
>> Greg: YOU KNOW WHAT THAT
IS, HUH CANNOT HOLD THE
PEANUT BUTTER.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THE PLACE LOOKS LIKE A LOT OF
FUN.
THERE’S AN ENTIRE WING DEDICATED
TO THIS GUY.
[LAUGHTER]
IT’S A GALLERY THAT SHOWCASES
FAILED PRODUCTS AND SERVICES
FROM AROUND THE WORLD.
STUFF LIKE COKE 2, CRYSTAL
PEPSI, DeLOREAN’S, GOOGLE
GLASS, AND BIC FOR HER, WHICH
WAS JUST A PEN.
BUT IT’S SPARKLY COLORS.
THIS IS REAL.
COLGATE BRAND BEEF LASAGNA.
IT SOUNDS LIKE A HIT TO ME.
I WON’T HAVE TO BRUSH MY TEETH
AFTER!
I ALREADY FLOSS WITH THEIR
FETTUCCINE.
THE WEBSITE EXPLAINS THAT THE
MUSEUM AIMS TO STIMULATE
PRODUCTIVE DISCUSSION ABOUT
FAILURE, AND INSPIRES US TO TAKE
MEANINGFUL RISKS.
AND WHAT BETTER PLACE TO
CELEBRATE FAILURE THEN IN A CITY
RUN BY DEMOCRATS?
>> Announcer: COUNT IT!
>> Kat: [LAUGHS]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: KAT, THIS SOUNDS LIKE
YOU MIGHT ENJOY THIS MUSEUM.
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FAILURE?
ANY FAVORITE FAILURES THAT YOU
WOULD LIKE TO SEE IN THE MUSEUM?
>> Kat: UH...
>> Greg: ISN’T THIS
INSPIRATIONAL?
>> Kat: IT IS INSPIRATIONAL.
I’D LIKE TO GO TO THE MUSEUM
JUST TO FEEL BETTER.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Greg: YES.
USUALLY IT’S THE OPPOSITE.
>> Kat: NO, THAT’S WHY -- I
HAVE -- WE HAVE A LOT OF
FAILURES.
YOU KNOW, THROUGHOUT MY LIFE.
AND THEY PLAY IN MY HEAD, YOU
KNOW?
AT NIGHT.
SO IT WOULD BE GREAT WHEN I’M
TRYING TO GO TO SLEEP.
YOU KNOW.
AND I FEEL LIKE MUSEUM, I MIGHT
HAVE SOME NEW ONES, BUT AT LEAST
MINE WERE MOSTLY PRIVATE.
I MEAN, BIC FOR HER IS AMAZING.
THAT, TO ME, IS MY FAVORITE.
I WANT TO SEE THE COMMERCIAL.
I LOOK FOR IT, COULDN’T FIND IT.
>> Greg: BECAUSE GIRLS NEED A
DIFFERENT PEN!
THEIR LITTLE HANDS!
>> Kat: "HEY BABY, HAVING
TROUBLE WRITING WORDS?"
[LAUGHTER]
"FIND IT TO BE A BIT TOO MUCH
FOR YOU?"
>> Greg: YOU KNOW IT’S
INTERESTING?
BIC FOR HER TELLS YOU SOMETHING
ABOUT BIOLOGY.
THAT GOES NEAT HAPPY LITTLE
THINGS TO KEEP THEM DOING WHILE
THEY DO STUFF, WHEREAS GUYS, WE
WILL JUST TAKE A PEN.
>> Kat: SAID THINGS KEEP ME
GOING.
"DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT,
KAT?
NO YOU DON’T!
GET UP!"
>> Greg: TYRUS, AND A WEIRD
WAY, AREN’T ALL MUSEUMS FAILURE
MUSEUMS?
YOU WALK IN AND THEY’VE GOT,
LIKE, RUINS.
>> Tyrus: EXTINCT ANIMALS.
>> Greg: SKELETONS.
THEY ARE DEAD.
FAILURE.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Tyrus: LISTEN, I’M A GUY, I
DON’T NEED A MUSEUM OF FAILURES.
I HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH MY
WIFE.
IF YOU HAVE AN ARGUMENT WITH A
WOMAN?
ALL YOUR FAILURES COME UP!
YOU DON’T NEED A MUSEUM FOR THAT
THAT.
JUST ASK HER, SHE’LL TELL YOU.
DISAGREE WITH HER, SHE’LL REMIND
D OF THE LAST TIME YOU ARE
WRONG.
>> Greg: [LAUGHS]
>> Tyrus: I THINK IT’S KIND OF
MEAN, THOUGH.
SO I FAILED.
ME AND MY BUDDIES GOT TOGETHER,
WE DECIDED TO DESIGN A PEN JUST
FOR GIRLS, THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
GREAT.
AND WE THOUGHT IT WAS BEHIND US.
>> Kat: [LAUGHS]
>> Tyrus: I MOVED ON WITH MY
LIFE.
HUMILIATION, THE BANKRUPTCY.
MY OTHER TWO CREATIVE FRIENDS
KILLED THEMSELVES.
I DECIDED TO KEEP GOING ON,
BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY
SOMEONE’S GOING TO REMEMBER THAT
[BLEEP], AND NOW IT’S IN THE
MUSEUM TO MAKE KAT FEEL BETTER!
[LAUGHTER]
>> Kat: I DO FEEL BETTER.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: MICHELE, YOU BEING
FROM THE SPORTS WORLD, I WANTED
TO ASK YOU WHAT YOUR FAVORITE
FAILURE WAS.
I ASSUME YOU MIGHT SAY THE WNBA.
>> Tyrus: HEY, THAT’S WOMEN’S
FAULT, THOUGH!
>> Greg: IT IS, THEY’RE NOT
GOING!
YOU DON’T GO WATCH THE GAMES.
>> Michele: IT IS STILL ALIVE
AND KICKING.
I USED TO CALL PLAY-BY-PLAY ON
THE WNBA WITH REGGIE MILLER.
>> Tyrus: AND YOU ARE
PHENOMENAL.
>> Michele: THANK YOU.
>> Greg: I LOVE REGGIE MILLER.
HE’S A GOOD KID.
I MEAN IT!
DIDN’T HE GO TO BERKELEY?
>> Michele: OH COME HE WENT TO
UCLA.
>> Greg: OH, FORGET IT THEN.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Tyrus: HE’S A BIG FOURTH
MINUTE GUY, YOU WOULD LIKE HIM.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
>> Michele: THAT WAS
OUTSTANDING.
WE SHOULD PUT THAT IN THE
FAILURE MUSEUM.
>> Tyrus: COUNT IT!
>> Michele: GREG DIDN’T KNOW
WHAT THE FOURTH MINUTE WAS.
HE LOOKED IT UP IN THE BREAK.
ANYWAY, I LIKE PEOPLE’S
FAILURES, LIKE ACTUAL ACTIVE
FAILURES.
LIKE MICHAEL JORDAN ALWAYS SAID,
I TOOK 9,000 SHOTS THAT DIDN’T
GO IN.
BUT THAT MAYBE TAKE THE NEXT
ONE.
OR A BRAMLEY CAN.
>> Greg: TALK ABOUT A SHOT,
HUH?
[AUDIENCE GROANS]
WHAT?
>> Michele: TOO SOON?
THOMAS EDISON, ALL THESE PEOPLE
WHO FAILED AND FAILED AND FAILED
BEFORE THEY SUCCEEDED.
WE COULD PUT JOE BIDEN IN THERE
ALTHOUGH HE IS STILL FAILING.
BUT THAT WOULD WORK.
>> Greg: HE FAILS UPWARD.
>> Michele: AND THERE WOULD BE
THE WING OF FAILING UPWARD.
I LIKE PEOPLE’S FAILURES RATHER
THAN PRODUCT FAILURES.
I THINK THOSE ARE MORE
IMPACTFUL.
>> Kat: I THINK MINE WERE
MOSTLY BELIEVING PEOPLE WHO SAID
THEY LOVE ME.
>> Greg: AWW.
>> Kat: IMAGINE HOW I FELT!
[LAUGHTER]
>> Greg: JIM, WHEN YOU GO TO
THIS MUSEUM?
>> Jim: ENEMY TO GO. I CAN
TALK TO ANY MILLENNIAL.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Greg: [LAUGHS]
>> Jim: THERE’S ALREADY A
MUSEUM OF FAILURE IN BROOKLYN.
THIS IS THE SECOND ONE.
IT’S WHERE THE NETS PLAY AT THE
BARCLAY.
[LAUGHTER]
I’LL GO VISIT MADONNA’S
PLASTIC SURGERY IF I GO.
I’D LIKE TO SEE THAT.
>> Greg: [LAUGHS]
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A FAILURE?
WHAT’S YOUR BIGGEST FAILURE OF A
JOKE?
DO YOU REMEMBER?
>> Jim: YEAH, I HAD AN
AUDITION TO WRITE FOR DAVID
LETTERMAN.
THEY HIRED COMICS TO FAX IN
JOKES AT THE TIME AND THEY GO,
"GIVE US A SAMPLE, GIVE US YOUR
BEST JOKE."
I THOUGHT IT WAS THE BEST JOKE,
THAT I SPIED THROUGH SO MANY
GIRLS WINDOWS, I THOUGHT ABOUT
CHANGING MY NAME TO TOM."
AND I SENT THAT IN AND I WAS
LIKE, "I’M GOING TO GET THIS
WRITING JOB, THIS WILL BE
AMAZING. DAVID LETTERMAN IS SUING TO
SAY THIS JOKE."
>> Greg: YOU KNOW IT’S FUNNY?
PEOPLE DON’T REMEMBER WHAT TOM
MEANS, DO YOU?
>> Kat: PEEPING TOM.
I ALSO KNOW ABOUT THE FOURTH
AMENDMENT.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Greg: ISN’T THAT WEIRD
CONNECT BECAUSE THE FOURTH
AMENDMENT STARTS ASSUMING
PEEPING TO YOUR WINDOW?
>> Kat: NO...
>> Greg: I THINK WE SOLVED
THE --
>> Tyrus: I DON’T WANT TO GET
US IN TROUBLE.