On October 14, 2019, South Korean singer-actress Choi Jin-ri, better known by her stage name
Sulli, was found dead at the age of 25 in her home just south of Seoul. The police later
ruled that she had killed herself. This is her untold truth.
Sulli broke several big K-pop taboos over the course of her career. The K-pop industry
holds its idols to almost impossibly high standards, and when they fall below them,
the fans will often let them know it in no uncertain terms. Sulli attracted a lot of
negative attention, for example, when she stopped wearing a bra under her shirt in some
of her Instagram posts. However, she stood firm on a June 2019 episode of The Night of
Hate Comments, a Korean show on which celebrities respond to malicious comments that have been
made about them online. She explained,
"Bras have wires, they are not good for health. Not wearing one is comfortable. That is something
beautiful and natural. For me, a bra is like an accessory. Some outfits go with it, and
others do not. That's why I sometimes do not wear a bra."
Sulli admitted that the no-bra backlash was hard for her to handle at first, but it only
made her more determined to exercise her freedom. She further explained,
"When I upload my photos without a bra, people talk about it a lot. I could have been scared.
But I didn't because I thought it would be nice if more people could discard their prejudices."
"Sulli was no stranger to being a target of negative online posts and attacks throughout
her career."
To say that a K-pop idol who stepped out of line the way Sulli often did is rare would
be a drastic understatement. Her rebellious behavior unfortunately made her an easy target
for trolls, but there were also plenty of people who appreciated and respected her.
After her passing, one Korean music critic said,
"She laughed when she wanted to laugh and cried when she wanted to cry. She brazenly
spoke out. She didn't fit the mold."
Part of the problem for Sulli was that her agency had packaged her as the innocent little
kid of the girl group f(x). This meant that she faced extra scrutiny whenever she did
something that didn't fit that role. Nevertheless, she often went against the grain. South Korean
singer-painter Kwon Ji-an hoped that Sulli would be honored in death for speaking up
about sensitive topics when others around her refused to. She said about Sulli,
"She wasn't just an issue-maker but I hope she will be remembered as a women's rights
activist who was free-spirited, who could truly speak her mind."
One of the most important rules K-pop idols are expected to follow is the one that prohibits
dating. This illusion of availability must be upheld so that male fans can feel as though
they stand a chance with their idol of choice, no matter how remote. But that didn't stop
Sulli from entering into a relationship with the rapper Choiza. The unlikely pair dated
for two years, before reportedly splitting in early 2017. They were first romantically
linked in 2014 after footage of them holding hands surfaced online. The revelation sparked
major controversy in the K-pop world. Not only was Sulli flouting the no-dating rule,
she was also dating someone who was 14 years older than her.
Choiza kept a low profile in the days following Sulli's death, but he eventually took to Instagram
to express his shock and grief, sharing,
"We spent beautiful moments together and it was with great reluctance to send you away,
but those memories will remain with me until I close my eyes. This heart will always miss
you."
Sulli's relationship with Choiza tainted her reputation in the eyes of many so-called fans
of f(x). The perception was that Choiza was a cradle-robbing creep who hit the jackpot
with a much younger, much more famous woman. Despite the fact that he was, on paper, at
least, quite the catch himself. Regardless, the criticism that Sulli faced for dating
him clearly didn't put her off dating altogether.
Sulli rebounded by diving into another romance not long after the split. But that relationship
wasn't meant to last either. In July 2017, a brand director named Kim Min Joon came forward
and confirmed that he and Sulli were taking different paths after four months of dating.
He expressed hope that their breakup wouldn't be twisted into tabloid fodder. He wrote on
Instagram,
"After lots of thought, Choi Jin-ri and I decided to go separate ways...It was ordinary
dating. There is only the story of the two, and no other special stories or curious backstories."
In one particular scandal, Sulli was subjected to homophobic abuse online after she kissed
her friend and fellow idol Gu Ha-ra, also known as Hara, on the lips at her own birthday
party in 2017. The reaction among fans was mixed, but as is often the case when it comes
to toxic fandom, the vocal minority made themselves heard. Many left hurtful comments about Sulli,
most of them relating to her orientation. One person commented,
"I'm afraid the two will announce they're dating in the future."
Another chimed in,
"Now they're lesbians? Hara's out of her mind too."
What all of these naysayers clearly didn't realize, however, was that these two were
like sisters to each other. After Sulli's death was announced in October 2019, Hara
posted some pictures of them lying in bed together on Instagram, along with a touching
tribute to her late friend. Sadly, Hara was unable to attend Sulli's funeral because of
work commitments in Japan, so she sent a video message to her friend instead in which she
promised,
"I will live hard and work hard for you."
Sadly, Hara was also found dead in November 2019, just a month after Sulli passed.
One thing that's become abundantly clear about Sulli since her passing is that she was systematically
targeted by cyberbullies for years. These online trolls attacked her because of her
stance on women's rights and her outspoken nature. She opened up about that experience
when she began co-hosting The Night of Hate Comments in 2019. She revealed that she actually
managed to track down one of her haters, but she chose not to pursue prosecution when she
discovered it was a student at a prestigious university. She ended up receiving a long
letter of apology from the commenter and chose not to take the matter any further. As she
explained,
"They said they were sorry and they hadn't known it would become such a large issue.
They said they'd taken their stress out on me."
Since Sulli's passing, idols and academics alike have been urging the Korean government
to implement changes and put an end to the epidemic of cyberbullying, including calls
to institute harsher penalties.
According to Sulli herself, the public often forgot just how young she was. If it seemed
as though she'd been around forever at the time of her passing, that's because she began
working in entertainment at a really young age. She first tasted the limelight as a child
actor, appearing in the 2007 drama film Punch Lady and the 2008 rom-com Miracle of a Giving
Fool. The following year, she made the switch to K-pop and debuted with f(x), but she'd
actually been in training for a career as an idol for a long time.
Sulli was only in fifth grade when she moved into a trainee dorm in Seoul. While speaking
on her reality show Jinri Market in 2018, she reminded viewers of this fact by saying,
"Since I started working at an early age, no one thought that I was young even when
I was actually really young."
"Starting at such a young age and being thrown into the industry, you know, you're told what
to do, what to say, what to think, what to look like."
When Sulli arrived in the capital as a kid, fellow aspiring stars Taeyeon and Tiffany
took the youngster under their wing. On an episode of the show Come to Play, a tearful
Sulli revealed,
"They took good care of me and I liked to follow them around. I came to Seoul alone
so I only had them to look up to for support."
Sulli didn't shy away from explaining why she left f(x). During the first episode of
her show Jinri Market, she revealed that she realized the K-pop life wasn't for her and
decided to put some distance between herself and the industry. She admitted,
"I couldn't see the future. I had no idea what would happen in the future, so I did
everything I could to protect myself."
Sulli felt that she couldn't even turn to her friends and family for advice. As she
claimed,
"Even when I said I was exhausted, no one listened to me. I felt all alone in the world."
Her former f(x) bandmate Victoria didn't publicly reply to these comments directly, but fans
believe that a cryptic message she posted to Weibo was actually a veiled response. She
wrote,
"Everyone has a path they desire and that they must go on. Don't stop walking and go,
don't regret."
It seems as though Sulli had the full support of Victoria, who took to Instagram to share
her final goodbye when Sulli was found dead at her home, writing,
"Sulli, the weather is nice today. Goodbye. I won't forget you. I love you."
"Police said in a statement that the 25-year-old had been suffering from severe depression."
Were Sulli's cries for help ignored by her agency? An industry insider spoke to Busan
Report in the wake of her passing, claiming that the idol had urged SM Entertainment to
do more to protect her against cyberbullies on numerous occasions, but to no avail. As
the source claimed,
"Sulli had a hard time dealing with the hate comments. She constantly asked her agency
to take proper course of action in dealing with these comments."
Meanwhile, SM Entertainment claimed that they'd tried to root out one particularly troublesome
hater, but were unable to do so because the offender was registered in a foreign country.
A spokesperson explained,
"The IP address was made temporarily just for the use of malicious comments, making
it hard for us to catch the user."
It seems as though Sulli felt like she'd been hung out to dry, not only by her agency, but
also by some of her closest friends. She spoke about her mental health in the first episode
of Jinri Market, revealing that she suffered from "social phobia" during a candid segment.
She explained,
"I've had panic disorder ever since I was young. There were times when close people...some
of my closest friends have left me. People hurt me, so everything fell apart. I didn't
feel like I had anyone on my side or anyone who could understand me. So that's why I completely
fell apart."
During her debut on The Night of Hate Comments, Sulli covered a number of topics, including
accusations of drug use. She noted that she watched a number of drug-related movies in
preparation for her role in 2017's Real, and she revealed that her friends even compared
her to late method actor Heath Ledger. But she insisted that she never tried drugs in
real life. She said,
"There are even people who've uploaded comparisons of photos of my pupils next to photos of the
pupils of people who really do drugs."
She also offered to put a sample of her hair forward for a test. Her fellow hosts pointed
out that she'd dyed her hair and eyebrows, but Sulli just laughed and said,
"Then I'd do it with my leg hair. I didn't shave my leg hair."
Sulli also joked with her co-hosts about the backlash to her not wearing bras. But despite
the joking, she supposedly wasn't actually happy, at least according to someone who knew
her well. After her death, one of her close friends came forward and claimed that the
idol had been trying to quit her job on the show for at least two months, as it was having
a negative impact on her mental health. The friend claimed,
"Sulli had severe mood swings. Her anxiety recently seemed to get much worse so we were
very worried about it."
If you or anyone you know is having suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide
Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).