- Oh, god.
(crying)
Who have I become?
(Keith as Stephanie) I don’t know!
- [Eugene] You need to get your life together, Stephanie.
- No, I—oh! Oh!
(screaming) Oh no!
- Stephanie! Stephanie, Stephanie!
- Oh, no.
- Look at me.
- Look at me, Stephanie. Snap out of it!
(Stephanie gasps)
- You hit me with a baby!
- That's right. - That’s just...
- Stephanie.
- That’s just what I needed. - We did not spend eight years
in medical school to drop babies and mix them up in this ward.
Okay?
Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble,
gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble.
(guys chanting “gobble”) Here we go!
- Perfect!
(Eugene and Keith harmonizing gregorian-ly due to exhaustion and too much caffeine)
(French (?) accent) I am the world's greatest baby photographer.
There’s nothing that can faze me today.
Nothing.
(Ned groans)
- You imprinted on my daughter?
- It wasn't my choice.
- She’s a baby!
- It’s not like that.
You think Edward would let me live if it was?
- Get any closer than that, you’re gonna rip the paint off.
- Oh shit! - Oh my god!
- This is powerful enough to rip the paint off.
- [Zach] Can we see what it looks like to rip the paint off?
- Sure.
(spraying)
- Wow! - Oh my god! What!
- We don't want to do that, ‘causethat will just take all of Eugene’s paint off.
I wouldn't want to do that.
- Again, this is what you don’t want to do.
And if you’re too close,
you’re gonna take his paint off like this.
That's really not what we want there.
- When you're handling something like this, it's very intense.
So what you don't want to do is be too close, because if you do
you'll see.
You can take the paint right off.
You don’t wanna do that!
This is a very serious job.
- I kind of feel like you're a wedding accessory.
And not the bride.
- That’s f**king rude, bitch.
(all laughing...except Keith)
This is my day!
- There’s a bride. - Sixteen months.
Sixteen months of planning every perfect little thing!
And that’s the first thing you say to me, a bride?
(all laughing)
- Can’t wait for your wedding.
(all laughing)
(Ned screaming) Charge!
Oye!
I’ve been hit!
(groaning)
Retreat.
Retreat, retreat.
- [Zach] Careful now.
- Wait...
Sike!
(slow motion yelling)
(small, sad impact sound. Ned did not hit the target)
(dejected laughing)
- How does someone know if they're special?
(whisper laughing)
- What?
- What is wrong with you guys?
(trying to whisper giggle. it isn’t working)
We do the one interview is whispering,
and you guys turn into insane people.
- Eugene doesn't get to see his mom often because she's in France,
so we kind of want to make him feel like we're his family.
Not trying to replace his mom, but trying to sort of...
be a substitute mom.
You know, when you get a substitute teacher, it’s not like your teacher’s not coming back.
He'll see his mom again.
♪ Squeeze that bowl ♪
♪ Make it grow ♪
♪ Squeeze that bowl ♪
♪ Make it whole ♪
♪ Squeeze that bowl ♪
♪ Make it whole ♪
♪ Squeeze that bowl ♪
♪ Make it grow ♪
- Woo!
(laughing)
Look at that.
- [Keith] Wow, you made it grow! - There you go.
♪ Squeeze that bowl ♪
- Oh, woah. I like that yours is shapely.
- I'm obviously doing this on purpose, and it looks awesome.
(laughing) - It does look awesome.
- A little less pressure.
- A little less? - A little less pressure, yeah.
Keep going all the way up to the top.
- Oh.
Oh no!
- Oh no!
- What have you done?
- You fucked it up!
- Ned is perhaps one of the greatest party planners in Los Angeles.
- I'm seeing a vision of us dancing.
- That’s what I’m talking about! - Yes!
We dance.
I’ve done Keith’s bachelor party,
I've done my baby shower.
And everything we do, we do in unison.
(in unison) In unison.
(clapping) It’s going to be perfect!
If everything doesn’t happen like clockwork,
the whole weekend's going to be ruined.
- Woah. We haven’t bought those yet.
I’ll get it.
I'll get it all.
(dramatic music)
Sharon, I don’t wanna do this!
You’ve left me no choice.
You raised our daughter to be evil.
This is all you deserve, Sharon.
This hurts me more than it hurts you.
(screams)
(guys laughing)
(crying)
Oh god!
(crying)
Who have I become?
- Jonathan?
Where's Sharon?
Jonathan, where is Sharon?
Sharon!
- No! You can’t see her!
- Sharon!
(applause) The part of my evil daughter was played by Eugene.
- Thank you so much, thank you.
- And I want to obviously thank everybody for constantly donating
and supporting the theater, especially in these rough times.
- He’s really doing the local theater bit.
- Was I careful around my eyes?
(suspenseful music)
(laughing)
- From the beginning,
it was Nessie who wanted me there.
- Nessie?
You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?
- What year is it?
Who's the president?
We have to go back!
- Trees are stupid.
Who needs ‘em? Mm.
- Ned, how can you say that?
We love our trees!
We got to protect the only planet that we got!
- I don't love anything.
I'm a tough guy, just like my dad.
Okay, people, we have a lot of things to do,
and a very short amount of time to do it,
so I need everyone to focus up!
- He's really, uh,
he’s really committing to that character still, huh?
- It's perfect.
That's perfect.
Why am I touching this? Where's my help?
- I kind of thought that that was more of, like, a bit with the prethoughts,
and then we’d kind of just become regular humans,
and then we'd go back to being characters.
But he's really going for it.
- Little to the left.
Ah, ah, ah! Back to the right.
Back to the right.
When I first went to Paris, I was a young boy
and I was in love
with a much older woman.
I was seven and she was 35.
Oh, my gosh.
(laughing)
- Oh, look, Eve, there’s, uh, that God said, “hey, don’t touch that one.”
- Well, I won't touch it, but I might go get a closer look.
- Okay, Eve. Have at it.
(Keith hissing as a snake) - Oh.
- You know how God told you could have anything except for this?
- Oh, that?
- How about you have some of this instead of listening to God?
(dramatic choral music)
- Why? Why, guys?
Why are you making, like... - I’m being a snake.
- No, you're making... - Have you seen a snake before?
- I've never eaten an apple before.
I don't know how to do it.
- Oh, God.
Why Adam, I found this apple, and I thought it'd be fun
if I mama-birded it into your mouth. - I don’t like, I’m not...
I’m not into it anymore.
- God made me without arms.
(laughing)
(weird voice) That’s ‘cause science is sexy as fuck.
- Interesting character choice.
(laughing)
(breathing)
- This is why I didn’t get the Transformers movie!
I was going to play a lamp in Shia Labeouf’s room!
- [tree-hating Ned] Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe I'm the asshole.
What if trees are cool?
(distorted) Maybe I’m my dad...
- How does chair move?
Does chair move their body like this?
Does chair move their body with...like this?
- No. A chair doesn’t move.
- A chair doesn’t...exactly!
Exactly!
What body part does the chair lead with?
- The lap.
So he needs to be firm, supportive, strong,
yet soft, gentle,
sensual, even.
Just keep saying “I love you, Eugene,”
and then don’t even say words.
Just say it with chair.
I love you, Eugene.
(sensual music ending)
(laughing)
Don't forget to fill out a feedback form.
- Oh, yeah.
- What was your favorite part of class.
- Sure.
(laughing)
Sure, man.
- And I do sure hope to see you back for advanced scenework and chairwork.
- Great.
Uh, yeah, I’ll let you know.
- Okay, okay.
- I’ll email you.
- Great.
- I'm also happy to do, uh, some one-on-one.
- Can we cut?
(all laughing)
- Ooh, naughty!
(funky music)
(Keith singing classical music and Eugene laughing)
- Is this the thumbnail you want?
Is this the thumbnail?
(laughs)