Let's talk a little bit about the Federal Reserve.
Wake up! Hey! Wake up.
The Federal Reserve is a really important institution
that sets interest rates
and controls a big part of the economy.
But most people pay as much attention to it
as they do to their belly button hygiene, right?
And if you just laughed at that,
you got to wash your belly button. Yeah.
Have you taken a look at it? What's inside those crevices?
You don't know.
Anyway, last week,
President Trump nominated his friend, Herman Cain,
for a seat on the Federal Reserve,
and, already, people are not happy.
Is President Trump trying to stack the Federal Reserve board
with loyalists and critics of the current Fed leadership?
In the past, friendship with the sitting president has not been
what lands you a job running
the world's most powerful central bank.
This is a sort of unorthodox pick,
more political than academic.
MAN: He's a proponent of the gold standard,
which is one of the most archaic ideas
when it comes to monetary policy
one could possibly think of.
He does not understand pretty basic economic policy issues.
Yes, it seems like, once again, Trump has nominated someone
who seems wholly unqualified for the job.
The question is, how does he keep on doing this?
I feel like he goes on Angie's List
and then clicks the "sort" button
so that all the one-starred reviews come up first.
"I start from the bottom."
Although, I do understand
why Trump would like someone who supports the gold standard,
because, I mean, gold standard is also Trump's
-interior decorating philosophy. -(laughter)
But still, still, guys, this is exciting news.
Trump has hired a black person into a high-profile position.
And sure, maybe he gave Herman Cain the job
because he thought it was Ben Carson,
but that's not the point, all right?
The point is, there's a new face joining the world of Trump.
So, let's get to know the guy
who's gonna be controlling all of our money
in another installment of "Profiles in Tremendousness."
-(applause and cheering) -I have the most dedicated people.
I have the best people.
Meet Herman Cain,
businessman and Tyler Perry movie villain.
(laughter)
He built his reputation as an executive
at Burger King, Pillsbury,
and he was even the CEO of Godfather's Pizza,
which is a weird name, if you ask me,
because you're selling an Italian food
using their worst possible stereotype. Yeah.
It'd be like opening a soul food restaurant called Always Late.
(laughter and groaning)
But what made... what made Cain really famous
was his 2012 presidential campaign, right,
when he came up with a tax plan that didn't make sense,
but sounded really cool.
MAN: Herman Cain's campaign is on fire
thanks in large part to his 9-9-9 economic plan,
but a long list of economists say Cain's plan
would hit the lower middle class hard.
MAN 2: Criticized for its simplicity,
and hailed as a campaign marketing coup.
This 9-9-9 plan-- it didn't come off a pizza box.
Nine percent corporate business flat tax,
nine percent personal income flat tax
and a nine percent national sales tax.
I have a free gift for everybody.
-Really? -It's called "9-9-9."
-"9-9-9." -(laughter)
Doesn't sound like a tax plan.
It sounds like he's selling discount waterbeds.
That's what it sounds like.
And I won't... I won't deny. It is catchy,
but you can't create a tax plan off of a catchphrase, right?
It doesn't inspire much confidence.
It's the same way, I wouldn't trust a doctor
who spoke in slogans.
"Doctor, how will you treat this tumor?"
"We're gonna cut it, gut it and toss it in a bucket!"
(laughter)
Like, uh, "I'm gonna get another opinion."
"Ha, ha! Joke's on you! You got Obamacare.
You can't choose your own doctor! Yeah!"
(laughter)
But Herman Cain wasn't just known for 9-9-9, right?
He's also known for all the other wacky shit that he said
while he was running for the highest office in the land.
Aw... shucky ducky!
(applause and cheering)
My kind of crowd!
He wrote in his memoir that if he were president,
his code name, given by the Secret Service
should be "Cornbread."
We've got plenty of experts.
And a leader knows how to use those experts.
We need a leader, not a reader.
I'm ready for the got-you questions,
and they are already starting to come.
And when they ask me who's the president of
Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan, I'm gonna say,
"You know, I don't know. Do you know?"
(laughter)
Wait. What?
How is foreign policy a "gotcha" question?
(laughter)
People would like to know if you're familiar
with the other people you will be working with.
He's making it sound like the job interview is a trap.
"Are you familiar with Word and Excel?"
"Why don't you hire me? Then we'll see!"
(laughter)
Honestly, I-I can see why Herman Cain lost, though,
because he admitted
that he didn't know who the leader of Uzbekistan was.
Like, Trump would have just created his own reality.
Trump would be, "Of course I know
"the president of Uzbekistan,
"but I can't tell you for strategic reasons, folks.
"But he's a very good friend of mine,
"him and his first lady, Uzbeki with the good hair.
Great hair, best hair."
(laughter)
Oh, in case... in case you thought
that Herman Cain was joking,
uh, no, he really didn't know foreign policy.
Here's how he answered another question
about whether he supported Obama's actions in Libya.
Okay, Libya.
(laughter)
President Obama...
supported...
the uprising, correct?
President Obama called for the removal of... Gaddhafi.
Just wanted to make sure we're talking about the same thing
before I say "Yes, I agreed," or "No, I didn't agree."
Um, I do not agree
with the way he handled it for the following reason. Um...
No, that's... that's a different one. Um...
(laughter)
(stammers): I got to go back. See, uh...
Got all this stuff twirling around in my head. Um...
(laughter)
Specifically, what are you asking me
did I agree or not disagree with Obama?
(audience groans, laughs)
I don't... I don't know what was happening there,
but it seemed like the human version of when you need
to take out the Nintendo cartridge
and blow on it, you know? (blowing)
(laughter)
That guy's so bad at hiding his thought process.
I bet when he was a kid, he would get busted all the time.
His mom would be like,
"Herman, did you spill juice on the couch?"
He was probably like, "Okay, there's juice on the couch,
"and you want to know why.
"Well, I was out playing ball.
No, no, that's a different one. Um..."
(laughter)
"No, uh, maybe... maybe it spilled itself.
"No, let me... let me think.
"Uh, I got to go back.
"Uh, Mom, see, I got a lot
swirling in my head right now, Mom."
(laughter)
So in many ways, you can see why Trump liked Herman Cain.
He started out as a flashy businessman
and built a presidential campaign
on catchphrases and not much information.
But their real connection goes even deeper than that.
Once that rising candidate in the polls,
now the embattled former pizza executive Herman Cain
has suspended his campaign for president.
This all happened yesterday.
MAN: He says he's out. The announcement comes
on the heels of sexual harassment allegations.
Yep. Just like Trump...
Herman Cain was accused of sexual harassment.
But unlike Trump, it took him down.
I bet Trump looks at Cain and thinks,
(mimics Trump): "Wow. That could have been me."
(laughter)
(normal voice): So that's Herman Cain.
And if his nomination goes through,
the economy will be in the hands
of a president who has bankrupted casinos,
and a pizza guy who wants to bring back the gold standard.
But don't worry, folks.
Everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine.