-Attorney General Merrick Garland announced
that he has appointed a special counsel to oversee
the Justice Department's investigations
of former President Donald Trump
and Trump has responded by spending the last few days
whining that he is a victim of political persecution.
For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."
♪♪ [ Cheering and applause ]
If you watch this show, I'm sure you're aware
that Donald Trump announced his third run
for the presidency last week.
In fact, if you watch this show
and, somehow, you are unaware of that fact,
I would like to know who you are.
[ Laughter ] I mean, this show is basically the local news Santa Tracker,
but for Donald Trump.
[ Laughter ]
Point is, you know he's running again,
but I still feel like I might have to tell you
because it just seems different, this time.
For example, you may have noticed that Trump's message
and even his demeanor during his announcement
were quite a departure from his first run back in 2016.
Let's compare the central themes
of his first campaign from 2016 and this one.
-I, alone, can fix it.
I'm a victim.
I will tell you.
[ Laughter ] I'm a victim.
-Quite the hero's journey.
[ Laughter ]
He went from "I, alone, can fix it"
to "I am a victim."
[ Laughter ] That's like Superman flying into a bank to stop a robbery,
only to come out with his underpants on his head, crying,
"There were like five bad guys in there.
[ Laughter ]
Why didn't anyone give me a heads-up?"
[ Laughter ]
Seriously, who is this message supposed to appeal to?
Does Trump think people will vote for him
because they feel bad for him?
I wouldn't be surprised if his first campaign ad was one
of those ASPCA commercials,
[ Laughter ] except, instead of your money going to animals,
it goes to him.
[ As Trump ] In the arms of --
[ Laughter ] In the arms of an angel.
So true, so true.
[ Laughter ] You know, I met an angel, once.
He was an ethereal being of pure energy and light.
Big angel, strong angel.
[ Laughter ]
Came up to me, tears pouring down
[ Laughter ] his glowing, radiant angel face
and he knelt down next to me
and he laid his hand upon my shoulder
and he said to me, "Donald, wake up.
It's Rudy. You fell asleep during the meeting."
[ Laughter ]
And I said, "I was wondering why my angel smelled
like Scotch farts."
[ Laughter ]
Anyway, click here to donate.
Someone get this [bleep] dog away from me.
[ Laughter and applause ]
By the way, if you thought the contrast
between those two speeches was striking,
you're not the only one.
Even Fox Business noticed the difference,
during an interview with Trump's daughter-in-law Lara Trump,
who seemed caught off-guard by the question.
-I have to say that there wasn't a great reception
to the speech last night.
Not a single elected Republican official was there.
How do you feel about it?
You were there, so, I'm sure you're very supportive
of your father-in-law... -[ Nervous laugh ]
...but those of us on the outside, looking at it,
it didn't seem as he got the old magic.
You know what I mean?
-Oh, well, I highly disagree with that.
-Wow. If you're a member of the Trump family,
you are not used to getting tough questions on Fox Business.
[ Laughter ] That's like Ryan Gosling getting grilled on the red carpet.
"Really, Ryan, a white tux?
Are you attending the Golden Globes, or catering them?
Ya burnt!"
[ Laughter ]
You could tell she was unprepared
for such a hostile reception
because she did that awkward chuckle
halfway through the question, like your mom
passive-aggressively fighting with your dad at Thanksgiving.
"Honey, is this turkey intentionally dry?
[ Laughing ] Because it's so well done."
That's funny, Richard.
The way you were flirting with Maria,
I assumed you like dried-up old birds.
[ Laughter and oohs ]
Richard, ya burnt.
[ Laughter ]
But that is the core of Trump's message
and of GOP ideology -- performative victimhood.
And that fake victimhood only got more ridiculous on Friday,
when the attorney general, Merrick Garland,
announced that he was appointing a special counsel
to oversee the department's investigations of Donald Trump.
-I'm here today to announce the appointment
of a special counsel
in connection with two ongoing criminal investigations
that have received significant public attention.
The first, as described in court filings
in the District of Columbia,
is the investigation
into whether any person or entity
unlawfully interfered with the transfer of power
following the 2020 presidential election
or the certification of the Electoral College vote held
on or about January 6, 2021.
The second is the ongoing investigation
involving classified documents and other presidential records,
as well as the possible obstruction
of that investigation,
referenced and described in court filings,
in a pending matter in the Southern District of Florida.
-I like how he never says Trump's name, once,
in that clip, but you know who he's talking about.
[ Laughter ] Garland couldn't have been any more specific, if he tried.
[ As Garland ] I am here today to announce the appointment of a special counsel
in connection with an investigation
into whether presidential records
were illegally retained by any individual,
specifically sweaty, loudmouthed real estate moguls from New York
[ Laughter ] who own chintzy resorts in Palm Beach
and don't know how to close a [bleep] umbrella.
[ Laughter and applause ] It's back, baby!
The umbrella video is back!
You run again, we play the umbrella video again.
[ Laughter and applause ] Them's the rules!
So, if you're keeping track at home,
we're now in our second special counsel looking
into whether Donald Trump, a notoriously corrupt
criminal authoritarian dip[bleep], broke any laws.
And by the way, the special counsel Garland appointed is
a guy named Jack Smith, who, by all accounts,
and also by his name,
another no-nonsense, tough-as-nails prosecutor
who will follow the facts and won't be intimidated,
which is the same thing they said about Robert Mueller,
which is cool, I guess, but where did that get us?
I mean, Mueller outlined ten different allegations
of obstruction of justice, not to mention actual proof
that Trump's campaign openly welcomed
and encouraged foreign interference in the election
and then all Trump had to do was lean into the mic and say...
-Wrong.
[ Laughter ] -...and that was it.
By the way, that's what we here at "Late Night" call
another classic vid.
[ Laughter ] [ Electronic voice ]
[ Vuvuzela blasts ]
[ Laughter ]
Okay.
Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
I think they had time to read it.
You know what I'm saying?
[ Laughter ]
Now, with all that said,
the situation has changed, this time,
so, there's reason to be cautiously optimistic
that, maybe, things will be different.
A former member of Mueller's team,
Andrew Weissmann, tweeted...
Okay, so, how long should we give him, a week?
[ Laughter ] Based on the evidence that's already public,
he could've interrupted Garland
halfway through the press conference introducing him.
We're going to give Jack the time he needs --
"Actually, America, can I just jump in?
I think I'm good to indict."
[ Laughter ] I mean, did you see that photo
of all the top secret documents spread out on his floor?
[ Laughter ] Pretty sure he left his fingerprints
in the ketchup blots.
[ Laughter ]
Anyway, it won't surprise you to learn
that Trump immediately started complaining
about the appointment of a special counsel
at a gala at Mar-A-Lago last week after the news broke
and, in usual Trump fashion, he just went on and on about it.
Also, please enjoy the fact that he's whining
about all this stuff while also dressed
like the piano player at a Long Island steakhouse.
-I want to address
[ Laughter ] the appalling announcement today
by the egregiously corrupt Biden administration
and their weaponized Department of Justice.
Would you like me to talk about that?
This is a rigged deal,
just as the 2020 election was rigged,
and we can't let them get away with it.
I was tried on the fake impeachment hoax on January 6th
and isn't this sort of like double jeopardy?
In the old days, they used to call it double jeopardy.
[ Laughter ] Why aren't they
investigating all of the other presidents that preceded me?
-[ As Trump ] Alright, enough talking.
♪ It was 5:00 ♪
[ Laughter and applause ]
Oh, and also, all?
You want them to investigate all of the other presidents?
[ Laughter ] All 44?
[ As Trump ] Why aren't they investigating
William "The Refrigerator" Taft
[ Laughter ] or Grovelin' Grover Cleveland
or Lyin' Lincoln?
Lyin' Abe Lincoln. What's under that hat?
[ Laughter ]
I've said it for years -- look under the hat.
Nobody listened to me. Nobody looked under the hat.
You don't think he smuggled documents
out of the White House in that giant hat?
[ Laughter ] I guarantee you, if you lifted that hat off his dumb head,
you'd find an old Civil War document that says...
[ Laughter and applause ]
In defense of Trump,
I do think it must've been a little suspicious
when Lincoln started wearing those giant hats one day.
[ Laughter ] I don't want to spread any rumors, but come on.
If your buddy Dale suddenly started showing up to work
in a stovepipe hat...
[ Laughter ]
...you would think something was up.
[ Whispering ] "Psst! Hey, guys, want to know
who took all the free pizza from the conference room?
[ Laughter ]
Dinner for a week, baby!"
Get outta here, Dale!
We all know it was you.
You stink like pepperoni!
[ Laughter ]
Now, as we told you last week,
Trump's announcement speech was so boring,
even Fox News cut away from it before it was over.
And then on Friday, just to add insult to injury,
the same thing happened to Trump again,
except, this time, it was on C-SPAN.
-In Afghanistan,
when I was in charge, we didn't have one killing.
Think of it. In 18 months,
not one of our soldiers were killed.
And then you look at Chicago
and you look at other [indistinct].
[ Applause ]
-Former President Trump has moved on
[ Laughter ] to other topics.
We'll take this opportunity
to move on with our program schedule.
[ Laughter ]
I would say C-SPAN just Ya Burnted Trump,
but they can't afford the graphics.
[ Laughter ]
Even C-SPAN cut away!
This is the network famous
for showing wide shots of empty chairs
and even they were like, "This [bleep] is boring."
[ Laughter ]
You know how bad your speech has to be
for C-SPAN to cut away from it?
You know what their program schedule was
that they had to get back to?
An old man silently doing the crossword by himself
for six hours and then falling asleep.
[ Laughter ]
If our laws are to have any meaning at all,
then, obviously, Donald Trump should be indicted.
It shouldn't take six years and multiple special counsels to do
and we certainly can't wait for the Republican Party
to finally decide if they're willing to turn on Trump
because, while Republicans are engaged in a family feud,
trying to decide if the price is right,
our democracy is very much in...
-Jeopardy. -Oh, boy.
[ Laughter ]
Guys, I saw it coming. I didn't know how to stop it.
[ Laughter ]
This has been "A Closer Look."
♪♪ [ Cheering and applause ]