Some traps. And the back. Switch it up.
The worst host ever
Well, maybe you had more friends you wouldn't have to rely on me so much.
I have friends.
Okay. Sure
I made you some eggs.
I should go.
No no no, you and I have to be in Nathan Philips Square for 9am sharp.
What?
For the show
For the breakdown streaking episode.
Like shaved head Britney, but better.
What are you talking about?
Okay, we need to capitalize on this mucho viral article that pop-tastic just put out
Check it.
The Heartbreak Tour: the slow-motion train wreck that puts the ass...
Back in disaster.
Yeah, you can't buy this kind of publicity, baby
So here's your script
The name of the bottom, your boy.
Exterior day
Veronica runs screaming through the streets her eyes full of tears and fury
clutching a bottle of Stoli
Realistic
Grabbing the vodka. She presents it to the sky like
Simba in the Lion King
Like, you're like your Rafiki in this in this situation.
Yeah, I get it
I just wasn't sure if you'd seen that movie.
I have.
Screaming into the abyss, "Alice Alice. Why have you forsaken me?"
Vodka pours down her face
we feel her anguish as a
devastated gay,
lesbian queer,
woman identifying woman.
It's pretty good, right
I Have a few notes.
Where? Like spelling or grammar?
You know in any normal day
I would never agree to do this in like a million years, but,
whenever I get next level self-destructive...
Alice pays attention to me.
I can always count on you to embrace self-inflicted drama to punish the people you love.
High-five for self-awareness
One more time?
Nope. You only get the one-shot, you know that.
Wakey-wakey
Hey, hi. I'm so sorry to do this, but I'm gonna need you to go. Okay?
Oh my god
It sounds like someone injected my head with a thousand bees and the bees all hate me and are trying to set themselves on fire.
Okay, can the bee immolation start tomorrow though? Because Tommy Wallace is gonna be here in like ten minutes.
Alice I'm so sorry.
(knocks at the door.)
Shit. Um, listen can you actually go out the back door? I just don't want Tommy to get the wrong idea.
Yeah, okay
I'll call you
You know, we're cool. You don't have to call. You know what I mean?
Yeah, I know what you mean.
So glad to finally have the good half of Barbelle on the podcast, ah, I've been waiting interview you for forever.
Yeah, I mean I am
That's a great podcast and I've been listening for a while
Got an interview my gay homies or... you know, that tells everyone's at least
Ooh la la!
Little midnight visit from the princess?
Lulu, no, uh...
Well I mean, yeah, she was here but not, it's not what-
-Nicely done dude. I I saw that piece in pop-tastic
Womanizing soft boy Alice O'Hara. Oh, I spent my coffee up.
They said that?
Yeah, dude
Don't be upset it like, it's a compliment.
So, uh you want to get started?
Yeah
(Alice sings song, "Beth")
Ladies and gentle ladies. I am here with Alyce O'Hara performing her original track, "Beth."
Wow, ah I'm gonna be the first one to ask, when's the solo album coming out?
I mean once the tour is over, I guess, you know...
The world is my musical oyster.
And then you can give the fans what they've been begging for:...
Alice without Veronica.
Is that what they've been begging for?
Yeah. I mean you're the talent...
She's the tits.
Am I wrong?
I mean I am the talent.
Oh shots fired! Veronica,
... no hard feelings if you're listening.
Oh, she won't.
Oh?
I just mean like anything that's not explicitly about Veronica Vale, does not interest Veronica Vale.
Hmm.
Sorry uh, could we cut?
Can we not use any of that last part in the podcast?
Yeah, dude. Yeah, no worries. Whatever you want.
No worries.
Hey, so now that we're off the record, you can tell me about getting it on with Lulu st. Claire.
Oh, we're not-
Just gotta get those semi straight girls drunk enough to sleep with them. Am I right?
Sorry what?
Dude I'm kidding
Okay, cool, I mean cause that was like...
...not, not okay.
Whoa, oops trigger warning! Uh-huh.
Dude, I'm totally kidding
Okay, uh also just like,
Lulu and I are not sleeping together. Period.
Yea, I get it. Ya, no, all that other stuff like...
off the record.
Cool I'll just uh...
I'm just gonna sign off.
Thank you for listening to another episode of Hot Piece.
I am Tommy Wallace, and don't forget to subscribe to our channel so we can slide into your feed.
Have you seen my charger?
When did you get here?
Didn't realize we had company.
Veronica you never texted me about our follow up to Lobsterfest.
I'm loving this Harajuku hottie.
Is it possible for you to say a combination of words that doesn't make me feel violated?
Just telling you you look nice.
Tommy and I are just finishing up uh...
Recording for her podcast.
Yeah, I think I'll just leave you two...
... To it. Yep, just take that. Thanks Alice!
Hey, I'm shooting the photos for Lulu's Rolling Stone cover. So you should drop by the studio.
Oh, cool. Yeah. Thanks.
See you ladies.
That woman is like a nightmare goblin boy with a vagina on speed.
Yeah, why didn't you tell me she's such a woke-less sleazebag?
I don't know Alice.
Why didn't you ever tell me that you wrote an entire song about my ex-girlfriend?
You heard that?
Yeah.
And for the record your Bon Iver soap opera fantasy version of my love life is like...
Next-level emotional appropriation.
Drawing on jealousy as a muse is my right as an artist.
Wow.
We're gonna have one of those days.
Think I'm gonna stay in a hotel until I, we have to go to Calgary.
Okay.
That's it?
No, " love you Veronica", "please stay Veronica", "let's talk about this"...
Okay, let's talk about this.
How was your sleepover?
She was a mess and she slept on the couch.
Yeah, of course she did.
Okay, I'll just go and get a few things and I'll go.
Check out this video. I posted with Richard. Next level Veronica Vale self-destruction
Just the tits to your talent, babe.
Alice! Alice!
This is the property of Richard Caseman Entertainment, you are not allowed to use it.