Tonight was the start of the Republican National Convention,
a week of speeches, celebration
and white people walking up to Ben Carson saying,
"Wait, aren't you the one that died?"
And if the DNC was all about the people, well,
the RNC seems to be about one person:
Donald Juiciness Trump.
The stage is set, and now Republicans will have
their chance to make their pitch to the Americans.
And we've learned President Trump is expected
to make an appearance every night this week.
You can expect a lot of President Trump,
as you mentioned, and also a lot of people
who have the same last name as him.
There's someone with the last name of Trump
speaking on every single night
of this Republican National Convention,
including the president himself, who you mentioned
will appear in some form or fashion
in the 10:00 P.M. hour every single night of the convention.
REPORTER: Slated to appear: all of the president's children
except for his youngest son, Barron.
There's also a little et nugget that a couple of the producers
of The Apprentice are actually part of putting this production
together as well, so maybe a little bit added TV value.
Oh, man, this is so exciting!
The producers of The Apprentice are working on the RNC?
So does this mean Trump's planning on firing people?
'Cause, I mean, he doesn't really
have any staff left to fire.
His whole team is, like, Mike Pence, Steve Mnuchin
and then just 30 Jared clones.
But, hey, maybe if we're lucky, this week will end
with Trump firing one of his kids.
I'm sorry, Eric, but you're fired.
But Dad, I won the challenge.
The real challenge is me having to see your face.
You're fired.
And you know, Trump making a speech every single night
may seem unusual in terms of convention traditions,
but if you think about it, it makes sense.
The Democratic Party had to give everyone a speaking slot
because they're trying to appease
a bunch of different groups.
Black people, Latinos,
progressives, disaffected Republicans,
fans of ABC shows.
The Republican Party, on the other hand,
they only care about appeasing Trump.
Because it's his party now, and if you don't like it,
you can shut the (bleep) up
or join John Kasich in that field.
Now, you might remember one of the highlights
of the Democratic Convention was the roll call
of all the delegates who announced their votes
from beautiful locations around the country.
Well, this morning the Republicans had their roll call,
and it was beautiful in a different kind of way.
Today, as a proud and independent Nutmegger,
I proudly cast 28 spicy votes
for President Donald J. Trump.
We put forth common-sense policies
to help everyday Rhode Islanders
who love coffee milk and doughboys,
dip their clam cakes in chowder
and, yes, we eat a lot of calamari,
Rhode Island style.
Maryland is home of the Underground Railroad
and two of our greatest segrega...
a-a... uh, abolitionists.
I come from the great state of Montana.
It's often been called the Big Sky Country,
the Treasure State and the last best place.
But currently, we are affectionately calling it
Trump-tana.
We fish, we hunt, we boat
and we have at least five guns in every home.
Honestly, if you need at least five guns your home,
it's probably because you misplace things a lot.
You don't need to buy extra guns,
you really just need to buy a notebook
to write down where you left your gun
and to start journaling,
'cause your ass is crazy.
Either way, the RNC roll call was depressing.
I mean, the DNC at least had a ninja chef
posing on the beautiful beach. You know?
The most interesting person here looks like
he's getting his mug shot taken after being arrested
for sweating too much.
And also, why is the camera
so close to their faces, huh?
That's how you Zoom in to a work meeting when
you don't want people to know you're still in bed.
Yeah, guys, I looked through the proposal
and, uh, everything seems good.