Performance anxiety can be an absolute nightmare for any man hoping to create an unforgettable
sexual experience with his lover. The more you want to perform well, the higher the pressure
which in turn makes it more tricky to perform like a bedroom star. So the more you try,
the more your body refuses to cooperate which then creates this vicious cycle. And that really is the
wrong way of going about it. So let me tell you why that is and what you should be doing instead!
My name is Helena Nista and I make videos that help you have the best sex of your life.
And today we're unpacking performance anxiety: how it works, why it's so tricky to deal with and how
to overcome it effectively. Mastering performance anxiety in the bedroom is a very important aspect
of being a great lover. And let me tell you why that is because the better you understand your
body, the better you can work with it instead of pushing against it. Because unfortunately
that's what most men do. They push and effort in order to will their cock to perform. But by doing
that they're actually shooting themselves in the cock... I mean foot. Let's look at it this way.
Your nervous system usually operates in either one of two modes. You're either content, peaceful,
relaxed, at ease, which is called being in your parasympathetic response. Or you're anxious,
tense, ready to move or react, etc. And that's called a sympathetic response. It's natural to
move between these two states throughout the day. If you're sitting down watching Netflix
or chatting to your partner, you're typically in your peaceful, relaxed state. But then a co-worker
annoys you or something startles you, etc. And your body naturally mobilizes its resources in
case you need to act. This is also referred to as the fight/ flight/ freeze response because
you might be under actual attack from something or someone and your body is getting you ready
to run away, to fight the aggressor or to freeze the tense muscles in your body to keep you still
until the danger passes. The important thing to understand here is that in your relaxed,
parasympathetic state erections are easy. You're feeling calm and open to an arousal
response. If your partner starts giving you a passionate blowjob, you can easily get hard and
enjoy yourself. But if you happen to be in this anxious, fight/ flight/ freeze state,
you will struggle to get an erection. This is because your nervous system is under impression
that you're under attack for whatever reason and it will act accordingly. It will elevate
your heart rate, it will increase your rate of breathing, it will release stress hormones and
it will send your blood out to your extremities - your arms and legs - in case you need to run
or fight. This means that if you're trying to get hard while your body is actively sending your
blood away from your cock, you're basically trying to fight biology. And that's exactly what happens
when you're experiencing performance anxiety. When you're worried, stressed or anxious about your
performance in the bedroom, your nervous system is picking up those stress signals and is putting
you into the sympathetic nervous response. It's increasing your heart rate and sending your blood
to your arms and legs in case you are in danger. Because your nervous system doesn't know that
you're merely anxious about getting an erection, it thinks that there might be a growling bear on
your path or a car speeding in your direction. And in a case like that your body is not going to let
you have an erection. Quite the opposite - it will make sure that you can run like hell or fight for
your life in order to protect yourself. So as soon as you're feeling stressed in the bedroom,
remember that you're basically giving your body a signal to send blood away from your cock. So
your number one priority here is to go back to the relaxed parasympathetic nervous response.
Because again, when you're relaxed, erections are easy. This is why men typically wake up with an
erection. It's just a natural response to feeling completely relaxed. This is also why many men will
get an erection during a relaxing massage, even if they're not feeling any sexual desire in the
moment. So instead of trying to tense up, to push and to force your cock to get hard,
slow down, take a break and breathe. Things really do not have to happen quickly in the bedroom.
Allow your body some time to just chill and in the meantime play with your partner. You can kiss,
you can caress her body, you can ask her or him to touch, stroke or massage you. If you're game,
you can even tell them that you're feeling anxious and that you would love some help to relax. This
is also where it's a good idea to know what works best for your body in terms of calming down. Is
it slow, deep abdominal breathing? Or mindfully touching your partner in order to give your body
some time to chill? Maybe it's mentally finding a safe space deep inside your belly and feeling
into it until your body is feeling relaxed. Try different relaxation or mindfulness techniques
to see what works best for you. And then use that technique when you feel the performance
anxiety approaching. Instead of trying to push through it, which rarely works, give yourself
time to dissolve it. Instead of fighting it, soften your body and let the anxiety float away.
And I'm not saying that it's a simple thing to do. Not at all! But it definitely is something
that you can overcome with time, patience and practice. You don't need to be a victim of your
performance anxiety. You can recognize it for what it is, you can be understanding and compassionate
with your own body, which is having a very natural reaction to a potentially risky situation. And you
can reach for any technique that will help you relax. And once you're calm again, your cock will
be back to working like a charm. Yes, it really is that simple in most cases! And if you find
that you'd like a bit more tools and techniques in your sexual toolkit, make sure to check out
my online course for men Tantric Mastery. Getting quality sexual education and learning how to be
the most exquisite lover really is the most sure way to become calm, effective and confident in
the bedroom. I mean if you know exactly what to do to give your partner an unforgettable experience,
you will never need to feel performance anxiety ever again. So make sure to see if Tantric Mastery
is right for you. It's a seven week journey of learning how to become a master lover,
how to last in bed as long as you want to and how to give your partner the most amazing and ecstatic
orgasms of her life. You'll find the link to the program in the description bar below. I hope that
you found this video helpful and that it enriches your sex life and your experiences as a confident
lover. Please make sure to leave me a 'Like' and a comment below. Your engagement with my videos
really means a lot and helps me reach more and more people all over the world. And if you'd like
to express your gratitude with a small gift, you can buy me a coffee through my Patreon account.
My Patreon community holds a very special place in my heart because every single person there
helps me to keep going and to keep producing my online content. Thank you so much for being here
and for watching this video till the end! Have a magnificent day and I'll see you next week on
this channel and if you're following my vlogging channel then I'll see you there even sooner!