Clay Andrews: My ex isn't attracted to me anymore. Does
that mean that I can't get back together with them? That's what we're going to be talking
about in this video. The answer is probably not. You probably can get back together with
them, but more on that in just a bit. But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life,
where we help you get the great, loving relationship that you're looking for without having to
play mind games, without having to play hard to get, and without having to pretend to be
someone or something that you are not because you deserve to be loved for who you are. And
if you agree with me, help a guy out with his YouTube channel. Hit that thumbs up button,
subscribe to the channel down below. And we are going to be talking about emotions
and emotional connection in this video. So if you do want to learn more about our course
called the Ex Solution Program, it does talk about your ex's emotional journey, how to
clear out emotional blockages that actually allow the attraction between the two of you
that's already there to flow so that you don't get any more of this, "Hey, I'm just not attracted
to you" stuff. But that is down below in the description box. I don't want to get too far
ahead of ourselves so let's kind of get into this a little bit.
All right. So what do you do if your ex isn't attracted to you anymore? What if they even
directly told you, "I'm just not attracted to you anymore?" Does that mean that it's
gone, there's no way to make it happen, you can't turn it back on? So here's the deal.
Attraction, it's not something that can just be flipped on and off really easily. Chances
are if you and your ex were in a relationship with one another and you were genuinely attracted
to one another, believe it or not, some people actually do get into relationships with people
that they're not attracted to, that's an entirely different story, but if you were in a relationship
and the two of you were attracted to one another and you have, let's just say, physical evidence
of this through your activities with one another, then they're probably still attracted to you.
Okay? Now, of course, if you went through some sort of truly dramatic physical change
or truly dramatic personality change or something like that, hey, all bets are off. Maybe they
did actually lose attraction for you. But it has to be a really, truly dramatic change.
You are not the same person that I fell in love with. I don't know, maybe you gained
100 pounds or lost 100 pounds or something like that. Or maybe you had some sort of personality
break and you used to be really relaxed and calm and then you just kind of became this
anxious bundle of nerves or something like that. Those are some examples. But as long
as you're the same person more or less emotionally, physically, all that stuff, then chances are
they're still attracted to you. And by gaining or losing weight, I mean truly
substantial amounts of weight. I know that many of us can be really critical of our bodies.
And we think, "Oh my goodness, I gained five pounds or something. They're not attracted
to me anymore." I'm not talking about little bits like that. I'm talking about like, "Whoa.
You literally don't look like the same person anymore." That's what I'm talking about. Same
with the personality stuff. But all that stuff aside, if you still are basically the same
person emotionally and physically but your ex is saying that they're not attracted to
you, what's going on? Well, you have to think about it this way.
It's really the emotions and the history and the things that happened between the two of
you that have colored the way that they're looking at you and the way that they're interpreting
you. That is to say, if you were to somehow take a mind erasing device, if such a thing
ever does exist, and you were to wipe their memory of everything that happened between
the two of you, would they still be attracted to you? Would you still be attracted to them?
And just as an example, think about maybe a previous ex that you had, someone that you're
not interested in right now, maybe someone that, I don't know, cheated on you, betrayed
you, or something like that. If you could just somehow wipe your own memory of whatever
they did that caused the two of you to not work out, would you still find them an attractive
person? The truth is probably you would. It's just whatever happened, whatever didn't
happen, whatever they said, whatever they didn't say that kind of led to the feelings
are probably what's blocking the attraction that's there from flowing its course, right?
You can still say, "Yeah, that's an attractive person, but gosh, he's just such a jerk."
Or, "Yeah, she's hot, but she did that thing and now I can't trust her. I just don't feel
attracted to her anymore." And so what this means is that there still is that attraction
there, it's just that it's not allowed to fully express itself because of the emotions
and the things that happened in the past. So if you want to get back together with your
ex and you want to get past this whole I don't feel attracted to you anymore kind of thing,
what you got to do, you've got to address that emotional blockage there. Now, I know
that when people hear things like, "I'm just not attracted to anymore," they go and start
researching things about alpha males and going on diets and getting in shape and all that
stuff. And sure, if you want to get in shape, get in shape. But just don't think that it's
going to be the one thing that's going to somehow flip the switch and make someone attracted
to you. Really, because it's about that emotional level stuff. They were attracted to you before.
It's just things happened and now that attraction is being blocked. So you got to remove that
block so the attraction that's already there can run its course, flow between the two of
you, and do what attraction naturally does, which is bring two people together.
And so what you want to do is you want to address that emotional blockage. So what do
I mean by emotional blockage? Again, it's just the history, the feelings, the experience
that the two of you had to the point where it kind of colors how they view you and see
you. And so what you may need to do is you may need to get clearer with them about what
happened, give some context to them about what happened between the two of you. We have
things like the fresh start template and stuff like that to help you do this. Those are,
of course, one tool. Other things that you can do would include actually doing the opposite
of whatever didn't work. So for example, if the two of you didn't work out because maybe
you weren't very emotionally interested in what their experience was, that of course
is going to have an impression on them. And then, of course, if you want to reverse that,
you may need to actually make an emotional attempt to understand where they're at.
So things like connecting on an emotional level, things like having curiosity. Those
can obviously be really helpful. Things like being transparent and vulnerable and forthright
about what's going on with you, as opposed to hiding it or concealing it or pretending
that things are one way, or collapsing or posturing and puffing yourself up, or something
like that. These are things that can actually help to remove that emotional block. Things
like being more present when you're actually interacting with one another, as opposed to
not being present. Of course, dramatic examples of that would be zoned out on your phone or
something. But there's other ways that people can not
be present too. Like when they're like, "Oh, what are the secret signs that you're still
into me? Let me interact with you and let me scan you to see what's going on here. Oh,
okay. I heard that if you lick your lips, then that means that you're attracted to me.
And I just saw that you licked your lips, but I wasn't paying attention to what you
just said so I have no idea what we're talking about." It's stuff like that that pulls you
out of the present moment. And so what you want to do is you want to
address that emotional blockage, whatever that might be. You probably have a better
idea about what that specific blockage might be in your situation than I do. I mean, this
is a video that's out there for people, anyone to watch it, really. So I don't really specifically
know what's going on with you. But you probably do know what's going on with you. So just
look back and say like, "Okay." Take an audit of your relationship. What didn't work? What
caused the block to actually show up? Was it you not taking them seriously? Was it them
not feeling heard? Was it them not feeling seen? Was it them being way too stressed out?
What was actually going on? And then how can you show up in a way that emotionally clears
out that block, makes it evident that that is not the case, and then creates a clear
channel for the two of you to actually express your attraction for one another?
That's what happens. That's what you got to do to overcome this, "Hey, I just don't feel
attracted to you" sort of thing. It's not that you're in the friend zone. It's not that
they just literally don't feel attracted to you, that they have some sort of power to
flip off and on some sort of attraction switch or anything like that. As OG dating guru David
DeAngelo says, attraction is not a choice. And it's true. If they're attracted to, they're
just attracted to you. Right? It's probably not going to change barring some sort of major
dramatic shift where it's like, "Whoa, I thought you were this, but it turns out you're this."
Again, all bets are off in that case. But assuming that they're still attracted
to you because you fundamentally haven't really changed in any truly dramatic way, of course
some of us put on a little weight from now and then, some of us get a little bit older
over time, actually, all of us do, but all that stuff aside, if you're still the same
person more or less, then yeah, they're probably still attracted to you. And it's just a matter
of dealing with the emotional issues that are underneath the surface of all of this.
So once again, it's not that things are hopeless. It just kind of opens up the hood and it's
like, okay, now we have to actually look at what's going on. And this is where it's worth
taking a look at all the emotional stuff underneath. And that's where the advanced relational skills
come in, that's where understanding your ex's emotional world, the five stages of getting
back together, come in. And this is all stuff that we do talk about inside of our course,
the Ex Solution Program, by the way. If you want to learn more about that, there's a link
down in the description box below. But once again, I hope this helps you out,
hopes this puts your mind to ease maybe that maybe you still are attractive in someone's
eyes. And if it does, help a guy out with his YouTube channel. Hit that thumbs up button
for the algorithm and subscribe to the channel as well too. But yeah, thank you so much.
If you do want to learn more about your ex's five stages, please check out this video series
over here, or you might want to check out this video right here. Once again, my name
is Clay. Thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you so much for watching. And I will
talk to you next time. Take care.