Hey there, this is Clay with RelationshipInnerGame.com.
And in this video I'm going to be telling you five texts that you should never send
to your ex.
Okay?
So, obviously you have an ex if you're watching this video and you're considering sending
them a text message or two.
So, let's just go ahead and get over a couple of these texts that you definitely don't want
to send to your ex.
And you know, I'm, saying text here, but it's not just limited to, you know, on your phone,
it could be emails you never want to send your ex, phone calls, you never want to have
with your ex, letters you never want to send your ex, all of that stuff.
It's just texting is the medium and for whatever reason that is the medium that we as a society
have decided we would rather communicate with people in, in general.
So let's just go over five texts to never send to your ex.
Now, the first text that you never want to send your ex is the begging and pleading text
/ I promise I have changed text and you know, this one, I mean, whenever you first go through
a breakup, probably most people go through this stage where they're just sending their
ex these texts.
It's like, hey, I'm sorry, I promise that I've changed for good and if we could just
get together for coffee and talk about this, I know I can make things right and we can
get back together and everything is going to be perfect again.
You know, just that kind of text, right?
You don't want to send this text because it's, well, simply put, it's a reaction to the breakup
and I know you're thinking, well, yeah, of course it's a reaction to the breakup.
But the thing is, is that you don't want to just be reacting to the breakup.
You have to actively be creating something better together with your ex.
And if you're just sending these begging, pleading sort of texts / I promise I've changed
sorta texts, your ex is going to be thinking, the only reason you are sending these texts
to them is because you want to get back together with them and you might be thinking, yeah,
I do want to get back together with them, but they have to...
Before your ex is ever going to want to get back together with you, they have to know
that it's not just because you're in pain and you want to make the pain go away.
By getting back together with them, they want to know that you understand what they're going
through.
They want to know that you are connected to them.
They want to know that they're not walking right back into the same relationship that
they walked out the door on.
Okay, and if you just simply promising that you've changed or begging to get back together,
that's just, you know, all talk and it's not necessarily backed up with anything.
Anyone can just talk a good talk, but what you actually want to do is demonstrate that
change through how you're being, through how you're bringing yourself to situations.
Okay?
So don't be sending the begging, pleading / I promise I've changed sort of text.
That's not a good way to go.
Okay.
The second text you do not want to send your ex is the fluff text.
Okay.
And what do I mean by fluff text?
I mean these like sort of cultural fluff things that people just send all the time that don't
really mean anything, you know, like Hey, how are you doing?
What's going on?
What's up?
Hope you're having a good day, you know, just these things.
Right?
And these are just things that people just say all the time in our society and they're
just sort of like throw away sayings, you know, you just go up to, you know, a coffee
shop Barrista or a cashier at a store or something like that.
And what's going to happen, you know, you're gonna say, hey, how's it going?
They're going to be like, oh, what's up?
Um, you know, in it, it's not like they're actually like, hey man, you know, it's been
a while since you've come in for a coffee.
I was really wondering, how are you doing?
Right?
It's not that kind of like really genuine sort of, how are you doing kind of thing.
It's like, hey, how's it going?
What are you drinking today?
Right?
You want an espresso?
Do you want a latte?
Do you want a mocha?
And, and there's this sort of just cultural treatment of these terms,even if you genuinely
mean them, as if they're just sort of like noise, they don't really mean anything, right?
It's just fluff.
Just like, Hey, what's going on?
What's up?
How's it going?
We just sort of tune these out.
Even if somebody genuinely means it.
Because again, texting, you can only read what's on the screen.
You can't tell the intonation, the inflection, right?
You can't tell if somebody says What's up? or like, Hey, what's up man?
It's been awhile.
You know, you don't get that kind of inflection and sort of vocal tone through text message,
so just know that if you send the Hey, what's up?, How's it going?
What's going on?
Kind of text, these are just going to be mostly ignored by your ex because, as a society we
generally just ignore these kinds of texts anyway, right?
We just generally ignore this kind of conversation and we just generally tune it out because
it doesn't really mean anything in our day to day life.
It's just people making noise back and forth to one another.
So don't send that text to your ex either.
The third type of texts that you don't want to send to your ex is the, I'm great, I'm
happy, I've changed for the better.
Life is wonderful.
A kind of text, okay?
The reason you don't want to send this kind of text is number one, your ex will think
that you are sending this text to them because you are trying to impress them or get back
together with them or have some sort of hidden agenda along those lines.
Like, if I can just show my ex that I'm happy without them, maybe they'll be jealous if
I can just show my ex that life is wonderful.
Then maybe they'll want to get back together with me because I'm such a great, happy, wonderful
person and all that stuff.
Or if you send your ex the text where it's like, Hey man, you know, I'm down 10 pounds
since the breakup, you know, I got a new promotion at work and you should see this new car I
got right?
Your ex is just going to think that you're trying to impress them or something along
those lines.
And that's definitely not a great place to be initiating contact from your ex is with
them believing that you are trying to impress them or win them back or show them something
or validate yourself to them in some way.
Right?
It's sort of starts off by them being up here.
You being down here and trying to impress them and sort of work your way up here or
make them acknowledge you down here.
You don't want that.
You want it to be even...
Even, okay?
And so this is definitely not a text that you want to send to your ex.
Now the fourth type of text that you do not want to send your ex is the emotional confession,
the sort of laying it out on the line and kind of text.
And I know that a lot of people have this belief, this feeling that if they just pump
as much of their emotion into their phone as they possibly can, that it's going to have
some sort of great effect.
But it's not the case, right?
So you don't want to be sending your ex something like, Hey, I just wanted you to know that
the time that we had together was absolutely magical and it will shine in my memory brighter
than a thousand stars, over a dark evening sky.
And to me our love was like a shooting star that zipped across that sky and lit the whole
sky on fire.
That is what your love meant to me.
It illuminated me from the bottom of my soul and it brought such meaning and passion to
my life, even if it was only for such a brief moment, and if I could just wish upon a shooting
star, I would wish for that love back again.
Send.
No, you do not send that one.
Don't send that text.
The reason why is because number one, it does have sort of an implicit sort of manipulative
thing to it where it's like, hey, if I can just tell you the most flowery, beautiful,
poetic words, then it's going to somehow change your mind, right?
But really it's not the words that are going to change somebody's mind.
It's just the consistency of how you bring yourself to an interaction moment by moment,
day by day, week by week, that's going to cause them to actually trust you and cause
them to actually start to reevaluate their past judgments about how you may be, about
how you may not be, and cause them to maybe start to see you in a new light.
Okay?
Another reason why you don't want to send this text message because it comes across
as way over invested, right?
If you are just establishing contact with your ex, you know, maybe you've not talked
to them in a couple of weeks or something like that, or maybe your last conversation
didn't go very well.
This is going to come across as way over invested.
You're going to come across as somebody who's trying really way too hard and your ex is
going to be like, hey, you know, I'm just a guy.
Sure we were together for awhile but it wasn't really working out and then we broke up and,
I don't know why you're sending me saying our love was like the most magical thing in
the world.
I mean, sure we were together, it was kind of cool, but I wouldn't say it was magical.
There's going to be like this great disconnect between where they're at and where you're
at and that disconnect is not going to inspire them to want to get back together.
It's going to highlight how much distance there is between the two of you and why they
don't want to be with you.
Okay?
So that is definitely not a text that you want to send to your ex.
And the fifth and final text that you don't want to send your ex that we'll cover in this
video is the Ninja mind game text.
Okay.
So I know that there are some people out there who maybe have done a little bit of searching
around on the Internet and have discovered a certain sub niche genre of texting.
That is basically the Ninja mind game text.
Okay.
And this usually is inspired by people who, who have tried to text their ex many different
things but their ex hasn't responded to them for any number of reasons.
And so these people think they have to go with like the nuclear option and they have
to go out there and find this sort of magical Ninja text message thing that they can send
their ex because, you know, interacting with your ex, like a human being isn't working
so clearly you need to cover the covert hypnosis things that are going to force your ex to
do things against their will.
Right?
So this, this sort of text message, it could look like any number of things, but it's basically
something like, I have a confession to make...
Sent, right?
And so your ex is going to see this and be like, I have a confession to make?
Like what does that mean?
I'm going to text them back and see like, what's your confession?
And all this time they're thinking do you have some sort of STD or something that I
need to know about?
Or, if you're a woman, are you pregnant or something?
And they're going to be worrying about this stuff.
And then, the Ninja text message technique says...
They say, oh, what's the confession?
And you say, I was thinking about you today, or something like that.
And they're supposed to be like, oh, that's sweet.
I'm so glad you don't have an STD.
Okay.
But that's not really how you want to initiate contact with your ex because number one, it
is a mind game.
It is manipulation, number two.
Number three, your ex is going to see this, they're going to feel this and they're gonna
feel a little bit taken advantage of.
They're gonna believe that you were sort of just stringing them along, the you're of jerking
them around in some sort of you know, silly, weird mind game or something like that and
it's not going to create the kind of connection and trust that's going to actually bring you
together because I promise you your ex and you don't have a great relationship because
of a lack of mind games between the two of you.
Your ex and you aren't broken up because the two of you aren't manipulating each other
enough.
Okay?
That's not the problem.
It really isn't.
The problem is that you actually need to have real, genuine, authentic human connections
with one another and the more you can have these human genuine heart to heart connections,
not in the motional confession sort of way, but in a way where you can just actually pace
yourself appropriately in terms of your level of investment and not be way over invested
or under invested or anything like that, then that is going to actually bring the two of
you together, not running covert hypnosis on one another, not using magical NLP language
on one another, not playing mind games or playing hard to get or manipulation things
or jealousy scripts or tactics or anything like that.
That's not going to bring the two of you together.
And it's definitely not going to create a positive, great, wonderful loving relationship
in the long haul.
So if that's not going to create the great relationship in the long run, why are you
playing around with these silly little junior high quality shenanigans right now?
Just leave those behind.
Okay.
So, um, I hope that this helped you out.
I hope this has given you a good idea about the texts that you should not be sending to
your ex.
If you'd like to learn about what you can actually do to maybe work things out with
your ex.
Here's what I'd like you to do.
I'd like you to go down to our website RelationshipInnerGame.com.
There's a link down below or you can just type it into your browser and just click on
over there.
And what you can do is you can tell us a little bit about your relationship, kind of where
you're at in the whole dating thing.
Like, Oh, I'm going through a breakup and my ex is, you know, my ex boyfriend or something
like that.
And, uh, we'll, we'll start to send to you some special customized advice, strategies
and tactics to help you get where you want to go.
I'm guessing if you're watching this video, you're probably going through a breakup and
maybe you want to get back together with your ex.
So, we can definitely help you with that.
So please go head over to RelationshipInnerGame.com and sign up so we can start helping you today.
In the meantime, if you like this video, please go ahead and give us a thumbs up or subscribe
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Or just go ahead and leave us a comment down below.
Tell us what your experience has been with texting your ex.
Have you had any nightmare scenarios?
Any actually good scenarios where you've texted your ex and it surprisingly went really well.
Go ahead and share your experiences down below.
And again, this has been Clay, and I'll see you in the next video.
Take care.