Even if Biden does manage
to pull off a victory in the next few days or hours,
Democrats are still a bit shell-shocked.
They didn't do as well as they were hoping,
and they didn't even do as well as they thought they would.
NEWSWOMAN: Trump did have a better night than expected,
outperforming the polls once again.
President Trump has actually exceeded his 2016 numbers
in every single demographic with gender and race
except for white men.
He exceeded his white women vote,
um, Blacks, Hispanics,
uh, with Black women and Black men.
Once again, uh,
the polls, uh, and the entire political world
in Washington, D.C., and New York,
uh, totally missed the scale
uh, of-of the Democrats' underperformance last night.
I'm gonna pop over here to Wisconsin.
There was a poll from ABC the other day
that had Joe Biden up 17 points in this state.
Look where you are right now. It's 71% of the vote.
You know? Trump's got a lead here by four points.
The polling was wrong. It was wrong again,
even worse than it was in 2016.
The polling was even worse than in 2016?
How do the polls just keep getting worse?
What are they, the New York Knicks?
But that's right. The Democrats had super high expectations
last night, and they badly underperformed.
Basically, the Democrats are the Cinnabon of politics.
It smells amazing, you get excited,
but once you're eating it, you're like,
"Oh, yeah. Cinnabon."
For more on what went down last night,
let's turn to a man who was up all night,
Roy Wood Jr. What's going on, Roy?
Yo, man. What's going on, man?
You know, this race between Biden and Trump
is a lot tighter than anyone was expecting.
Trevor, this race is tighter
than one of Donald Trump's T-shirts, all right?
Look, first off, we got to give it up to Trump,
first and foremost. Look, just look at everything he did, man:
teamed up with coronavirus to kill people,
he got everybody hating everybody,
managed to pay less taxes than Lauryn Hill
and somehow still be in this race.
That's crazy, dude.
Man, I wrote one bad check to Circuit City--
they still won't let me back in the store.
And they out of business.
So then... (exhales) what's the lesson here, man?
Well, I'll tell you what the lesson is for me.
The lesson for me is to stop trusting the polls.
I'm done. I'm done trusting these polls.
Man, you watch all these polls running their mouth about Biden,
they'd have you thinking Biden was gonna win Florida,
Texas, Mexico,
Diamond and Silk.
I'm done. I'm done with all these polls, man.
It's-it's a wrap, man.
It's lies.
Tell you right now, man-- I'm never trusting polls again.
Roy, we talked about this in 2016.
You said you weren't gonna trust the polls again then.
(stammers) Don't be bringing up all that old shit, man.
Yes, I said that. Yes.
But then, the pollsters, they said
that we could trust 'em again, so I did.
Plus, they had four years to fix it.
So, silly me for thinking that they might have actually had
some-some changes to the damn polling system.
You know what this is like? I got a Mexican spot I go to,
right, and they always get shut down for health violations.
But the food good, so I let it slide.
You go back in there-- They shut down for a little while.
You go back in there and you be like, "Oh, they cleaned it up."
Nope. It's the same old stuff,
only now it's a dude wearing a different apron.
So... you're not gonna ever try
and predict elections again, right?
No. I will try to predict elections again,
only now I will be using more reliable predictions,
like astrology or reading the entrails of a guinea pig
or... or, like, on the night of a full moon,
going outside, urinating, seeing if my pee
make any type of words or letters I can read.
You know, some of that Ouija board.
Well, I mean, another option is you could--
you could always just try and talk
to people of different communities
and-and try and suss out their perspective of the world.
Yeah, I said...
I said "talk to astrologists."
That's what I said. You're not listening.
Okay, but just so we're on the same page--
-you're done with polls? -Yes.
-I am done with p... -(phone buzzing)
Hang on. I got an update.
-See what's happening. -(keys clacking)
Oh, shit!
They talking about Biden might win Texas!
We back in it, baby! Biden might win Texas, man.
-Roy, I don't think... -Let me put this on Twitter real quick.
Man, hang on a second.
-This is good news right here. Retweet that. -No, R...
-Roy, Roy, tho-those are pollsters again. -Eh.
Roy, you can't-- Roy, why not just wait for the result?
-Roy. -Yeah. No. No, man.
I got to put it up. I got to go, Trevor.
I got to spread the good news to everybody on the Internet, man.
This is good, man. Hey.
We back in it, man.