>> Reggie: ALL RIGHT, IT'S TIME AGAIN AGAIN.
>> James: GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE
"LATE, LATE SHOW."
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
WE'RE SO HAPPY THAT YOU STUCK BY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.
THAT'S VERY, VERY KIND.
REVIEWERS OF THE SHOW MIGHT BE LIKE WOW, THE CREW IN A GOOD
MOOD TONIGHT.
WE'VE GOT AN AUDIENCE IN THE "LATE, LATE SHOW."
LOOK AT THAT.
(APPLAUSE).
>> James: THERE THEY ARE.
WHAT I LIKE TO CALL A SELECT FEW.
THAT IS WHAT WE ARE CALLING YOU, A SELECT GATHERING.
WE PICKED YOU FROM THE LINE LIKE A WHAT, IAN, WHAT WOULD YOU CALL
THAT?
>> THEY ARE THE NAVY SEALS OF LAUGHING POLITELY AT OUR DUMB
JOKES.
>> James: THAT IS EXACTLY WHO THEY ARE.
I TELL YOU WHAT, YOU ARE THE FIRST AUDIENCE THAT HAS BEEN
HERE SINCE MARCH 10th, 2020.
YOU'RE THE FIRST PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN IN THE STUDIO.
AND WE'RE VERY HAPPY THAT WE CAN SEE ALL OF YOUR EYES AND
EYEBROWS.
WE ARE.
NOW WHY DID WE STOP HAVING AN AUDIENCE?
WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR THAT?
>> Reggie: I THINK WE JUST WANTED TO TRY SOMETHING
DIFFERENT.
>> James: WE WERE TRYING SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
I WOPPEDDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE IN A GARAGE.
>> Reggie: YEAH, YEAH.
>> James: AND GUESS WHAT, IT [BLEEP].
HOW DOES IT FEEL, REGGIE, PLEASED TO HAVE PEOPLE BACK
HERE, DO YOU FEEL THE ENERGY IN THE ROOM, YOU FEEL THE BUZZ, YOU
FEEL ALIVE.
>> YEAH, IT FEELS LIKE I INVITED SOME EXTRA FRIPPEDS OVER, AND
THEY ARE LIKE SURE, I WILL COME OVER.
>> James: WE HAVE, WE HAVE INCITED SOME EXTRA FRIENDS.
WE HAVE PEOPLE OVER THERE AT THE BAR.
WITHOUT GETS TO CHOOSE WHO GOES TO THE BAR.
HOW DOES THAT WORK?
DOES ANYONE KNOW.
I LOOKED AT LOU AND LOU WENT-- DID YOU GET TOLD TO SIT
AT THE BAR, BAR PEOPLE OR DID YOU JUST COME IN AND BE LIKE OH
THERE IS A BAR, I WILL BE THERE.
>> YES, YOU JUST RESPONDED YES, WHEN I ASKED AN EITHER/OR
QUESTION.
BARMAN, ARE YOU A BARMEN OR ALSO JUST A MEMBER OF THE AUDIENCE.
>> A MEMBER OF THE AUDIENCE.
>> James: YOU ARE A MEMBER OF THE AUDIENCE WHAT IS YOUR NAME.
>> CHRISTIAN.
>> James: CHRISTIAN, THAT SAUL REAL BOOZE BEHIND YOU, THAT'S
RIGHT, ISN'T IT, LOU IT IS REAL LIQUOR.
SO GO NUTS, CHRISTIAN, WE'RE NOT GOING TO STOP YOU.
SHOULD WE HAVE A LOOK AND SEE WHO IS ON THE SHOW TONIGHT,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
>> Reggie: OKAY, GREAT.
>> James: SHE IS A MEMBER OF REALITY TV'S MOST FAMOUS FAMILY,
A FASHION DESIGNER, A BRAND AMBASSADOR AND SO MUCH MORE, THE
ALWAYS FUN, THE ALWAYS GLORIOUS KHLOE KARDASHIAN IS ON THE SHOW
TONIGHT.
KHLOE, HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'MED GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?
>> James: I'M VERY, VERY WELL.
YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.
IS THAT KRIS BACK THERE, HEY, KRIS, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> HEY.
>> James: HANG ON, IT IS TEN PAST 4:00, ARE YOU ON THE
CHAMPAGNE ALREADY?
>> I WAKE UP WITH CHAMPAGNE.
>> James: OF COURSE YOU DO.
OF COURSE YOU DO.
I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD DRINK CHAMPAGNE FIRST THING.
>> I AM MY MOAR'S DAUGHTER WITHOUT WAKES UP WITH AN IV
INVOLVE UTICA SO CHAMPAGNE IS A LITTLE MORE MILD.
>> James: DON'T WORRY, CHRISTIAN THE BARTENDER IS ALL
THERE.
HE HAS YOU ALL SORTED.
THANK YOU SO MUCH, KHLOE KARDASHIAN, EVERYBODY.
AND THAT'S NOT ALL, SHE IS A BRILLIANT FOLK ROCK SINGER,
SONGWRITER, MUS IG, HER NEW ALBUM DIFFERENT KINDS OF LIGHT
IS BRILLIANT AND AVAILABLE RIGHT NOW, SO EXCITED TO WELCOME HER
TO THE "LATE, LATE SHOW."
THE DARING, THE DELIGHTFUL JAY BIRD IS HERE THIS EVENING.
HEY, JADE, HO YOU ARE?
>> I'M GOOD, I DON'T LOOK QUITE AS GOOD AS KHLOE BUT THAT'S ALL
RIGHT.
>> James: YOU'RE LOOKING GREAT, WHAT ARE WE DRINKING,
WHAT ARE I DRINKING?
>> PLEASE DON'T ASK ME, IT IS MEANT TO BE AN EASTERN STANDARD,
I HEARD IT WAS YOUR FAVORITE AND I MADE IT, IT'S TERRIBLE.
>> James: YOU MADE IT YOURSELF IN THE DRESSING ROOM.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
IT IS REALLY BAD THOUGH.
>> James: IS IT NOT GOOD.
>> NO.
>> James: I'LL TRY IT IT.
>> ALL RIGHT, I LEAVE ONE IN HERE IN YOUR DRESSING ROOM.
>> James: LOOK AT THIS LEVEL OF DAY DRINKING.
WHAT AN-- I MEAN THE TWO OF YOU, KHLOE AND JADE, THEY COULD JOIN
THE BAND THEY'RE DRINKING THAT MUCH IN THE DAY.
LOOK AT STEVE, LOOK AT STEVE.
STEVE LOOKS LIKE HE LEFT ON THURSDAY NIGHT AND HAS BEEN
DRINKING SINCE THEN.
>> JADE, WE'RE SO HAPPY YOU ARE HERE, YOU KNOW WHAT, AN A FOR
EFFORT FOR EVEN DARING TO MAKE THE DRINK.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH, CHEESIER JAMES.
>> James: CHEESIER TO YOU, SEE YOU LATER.
JADE BIRD, EVERYBODY.
DID YOU REALLY HAVE A BIG WEEKEND, STEVE, IS THAT TRUE?
>> IT WAS LAST NIGHT, KIND OF.
>> James: WHAT HAPPENED, WHERE DID YOU GO?
>> A FRIEND OF MINE CAME OVER AND WE WATCHED THE LAST EPISODE
OF TED LASER AND WE DRANK A [BLEEP] TON OF WINE, TOO MUCH.
>> James: DID HE COME OVER SPECIFICALLY TO WATCH THE LAST
EPISODE.
>> SHE CAME OVER SPECIFICALLY TO WATCH THE LAST EPISODE.
>> James: OKAY, OKAY.
I GET IT, I GET IT.
I HEAR YOU, TED LASSO.
YOU OLD DOG.
AND IAN, YOU HAD A BIG WEEKEND.
>> OH YEAH.
>> James: YOU WEREN'T HERE ON THURSDAY.
>> NO.
>> James: LAUREN GREENBERG STEPPED IN, BLUE THE HOUSE ON
FIRE.
I WILL BE HONEST, TOUCH AND GO WHETHER YOU WERE GOING TO GET
YOUR SEAT BACK TODAY.
>> OH YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
>> James: IT REALLY WAS.
>> I HAD TO CALL IN SOME THREATS ON THURSDAY.
>> James: I HEARD, I HEARD.
>> YEAH.
>> James: TELL EVERYBODY WHERE YOU WERE THIS WEEKEND.
>> I WAS UP IN PORTLAND, OREGON, OFFICIATING MY LITTLE SISTER'S
WEDDING.
YEAH!
>> James: ALL I HAVE HEARD, ALL I HAVE HEARD IS THAT YOU DID
NOT STOP CRYING THE ENTIRE WEEKEND AND I THINK THAT IS SO
BEAUTIFUL.
>> I CRIED ALL THE WAY UP UNTIL IT AND THEN I DID THE CEREMONY
AND THEN I IMMEDIATELY STARTED CRYING AGAIN.
I WEPT ALL NIGHT.
IT WAS LIKE I WAS WATCHING TED LASSO WITH A BUNCH OF WINE, IT
WAS THAT LEVEL OF EMOTION.
>> James: THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
>> IT WAS JUST-- I HAVE NEVER CRIED AT A WEDDING BEFORE.
AND IT TURNS OUT I JUST NEVER REALLY LIKED ANYONE WHOSE
WEDDING I WAS AT THAT MUCH.
>> James: THAT'S IT.
THAT IS ALL IT IS.
>> I WAS, I THOUGHT I WOULD BE COOL UNTIL I PUT ON A SUIT.
I WAS WEARING SUNGLASSES, I THOUGHT I WAS REALLY COOL AND
THEN I SAW MY LITTLE SISTER FOR THE FIRST TIME, SHE WALKED OUT
AND I FELL APART.
I WAS-- LOOK AT YOU-- WHAT.
>> James: WHAT WAS THAT, WHEN DID THIS GUY COME.
>> DIDDING IT ALL DAY TODAY, THUMBS UP.
>> James: THUMBS UP, BUT WHY?
>> CUZ WE'RE HERE (APPLAUSE).
>> James: WOW, YOU FINALLY DID IT.
>> WHAT?
>> James: YOU FINALLY TRIED MET BEFORE A SHOW, I CAN'T
BELIEVE IT.
(APPLAUSE) >> IT IS WORTH IT.
>> James: YEAH, ANYONE ELSE HAVE A WEEKEND?
WHERE HAS NICK BERNSTEIN GONE TO, WHERE IS HE.
OH, YOU'VE SHRUNK.
>> HI, I HAD TO GET A NEW DRIVER'S LICENSE PHOTO THIS
WEEKEND, YOU KNOW, I GREW MY HAIR OUT DURING QUARANTINE SO I
WASN'T SURE, AT SOME . I THOUGHT I HAVE TO CUT IT YOU ABOUT NOW I
HAVE THIS PHOTO ON MY DRIVER'S LICENSE AND I THINK HAVE I TO
KEEP THIS FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS OR SO.
>> James: I THINK YOU SHOULD KEEP T I DON'T THINK THERE IS A
SINGLE PERSON HERE THAT HAS AN ISSUE WITH IT.
CAN WE BRING UP A PICTURE OF NICK BERNSTEIN WHEN HE LOOKED
LIKE A MAN WITH A JOB.
THERE HE IS THERE.
THAT IS NICKER BERNSTEIN THERE, THAT IS WHAT HE USED TO LOOK
LIKE, PRECOVID.
A REGULAR GUY, WHO HAD A JOB, WHO AIN'T A CURRY EVERY DAY.
AND NOW NICK, CAN YOU JUST TAKE YOUR MASK OFF FOR JUST A MINUTE,
CAN WE BRING THAT UP.
(APPLAUSE) DID YOU HEAR THAT.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
DID YOU HEAR WHAT JUST-- THERE WAS A LADY IN THE AUDIENCE WENT
OOOH.
THERE YOU G I THINK YOU HAVE TO EP COO THE HAIR NOW, HOWL IS
YOUR DAUGHTER?
>> I HAVE A 12 YEAR OLD AND 13 YEAR OLD.
>> James: OOF, OH, I THOUGHT THEY WERE YOUNGER.
BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO SAY CUT IT WHEN THEY GET TO ABOUT 14,
BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO BE THE DAD WITH LONG HAIR, YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN, UNLESS YOU HAVE LIKE AN THEIST EXEMPTION, IF YOU
ARE A GUITAR OR PIANO PLAYER, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
I GUESS ARE YOU BASICALLY A RADIO STAR, YOU DO A PODCAST
EVERY OTHER WEEK.
>> James: I WAS INVITED.
>> James: OH, HERE WE [BLEEP] GO, STORY I SORRY I BROUGHT IT
UP.
I APOLOGIZE, NOW THAT I LEAN IN TO IT, SIX MINUTES, GO ON WHAT
IS IT NOW.
>> IT WAS ONE, I WAS INVITED AS A GUEST ON THE MOTION PICTURE
CLUB WHICH SOUNDS REALLY FANCY.
>> James: I HAVE DONE THAT.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> James: THEY ARE A LOVELY GROUP OF KIDS, THEY ARE REALLY
NICE, I DONE MEAN THINK THERE IS ANY REASON FOR YOU TO BE THERE.
>> I AM NOT SURE THERE WAS A REASON-- I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU
DID IT, IT IS A HIGH SCHOOL PROGRAM.
>> James: I WILL TELL YOU WHY I DID IT.
I MET THESE KIDS AND WAS PICKING UP JAPANESE FOOD IN A
RESTAURANT, I MET THESE KIDS, THEY WERE SWEET, THEY CAME UP,
THEY WERE AT A TABLE AND I CHATTED WITH THEIR DAD.
I GOT THE FOOD AND LEFT AND THEN THEY SENT AN EMAIL, I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU REMEMBER, WE MET YOU IN THE RESTAURANT, I HAVE A FILM
CLUB WITH ALL MY FRIENDS, WOULD YOU COME AND SPEAK TO US ON A
ZOOM.
I WAS LIKE SURE, ABSOLUTELY I WILL DO THAT.
SO MINE WAS REALLY A GIFT OF LIKE, THIS IS A NICE THING TO
DO.
I THINK FOR YOU IT IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
(LAUGHTER) THAT'S THE WAY I SEE IT.
>> YEAH, YOU DID IT FIRST THOUGH, RIGHT?
>> James: YEAH.
>> SO YOU ARE KIND OF LIKE MY OPENING ACT NOW?
>> Reggie: NICK BURN-STEIN.
>> YOU GOT BURN-STEINED.
>> James: LOOK, WE'RE WASTING TIME HERE, YOU HAVE COME, YOU
KNOW WHY YOU HAVE COME, WHY DID YOU COME TODAY?
GO ON, THERE IS A LADY WITH HER HAND UP, WAVE TO THE MIC, WHY
DID YOU COME?
>> WE CAME FOR THE NEWS.
>> James: THEY CAME FOR THE NEWS.
LET'S GIVE THEM THE NEWS.
DO IT AGAIN, STEVE, WHAT YOU DID JUST THEN.
WELL, HERE IS THE NEWS, IT'S SHAPING UP TO BE A PRETTY
CONTENTIOUS WEEK ON CAPITOL HILL IN PART BECAUSE THERE IS ANOTHER
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN LOOMING ON THE HORIZON.
CONGRESS HAS UNTIL MIDNIGHT ON THURSDAY TO PASS A CONTINUING
RESOLUTION AND PREVENT A THIRD SHUTDOWN SINCE 2018.
I MEAN GOOD, YEAH, I WAS WORRIED THAT WE WERE RUNNING OUT OF
CRISES, YOU KNOW?
IF THERE IS A GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN, IT WOULD CLOSE DOWN A
LOT OF NONESSENTIAL GOVERNMENT SERVICES.
SO IF YOU WANT TO USE THE REST ROOM AT A NATIONAL PARK, DO IT
NOW.
GO NOW, IN OTHER NEWS PRESIDENT BIDEN RECEIVED HIS COVID BOOSTER
SHOT EARLIER TODAY, THIS COMES JUST A FEW DAYS AFTER BOTH THE
FDA AND CDC APPROVED IT.
HOW DID BIDEN GET TO THE FRONT OF THAT LINE?
I RECKON HE KNOWS SOMEONE.
I DO.
THE ACTUAL SHOT ONLY TOOK A SECOND AND THEN JOE BIDEN SPENT
TEN MINUTES HAGGLING OVER WHICH FLAVOR LOLLIPOP HE COULD HAVE.
THE GOOD NEWS IS, IF SHOULD GIVE PRESIDENT BIDEN THE ALL CLEAR TO
JOIP THE BROOKLYN NETS FOR THE START OF THE NBA SEASON SO YOU
HAVE THAT TO LOOK FORWARD TO.
AND WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS, A HAMP STER NAMED MR. GOXX IS
MAKING HEADLINES BECAUSE THE HAMP STER IS SKILLING IT ON THE
CRYPTO CURRENCY EXCHANGE.
SERIOUSLY, AS PART OF A STUDY, THE HAMSTER RUNS ON A WHEEL TO
CHOOSE THE CRYPTOCURRENCY AND THEN HE GOES THROUGH TUNNELS TO
BUY OR SELL.
AND THE HAMSTER IS UP 20% THIS YEAR, WHICH IS BETTER THAN
WARREN BUFFETT.
TO BE FAIR, WARREN BUFFETT IS 91 YEARS OLD.
HE BARELY HAS THE ENERGY TO RUN ON A HAMSTER WHEEL ANY MORE BUT
SINCE HE STARTED TRADING, THE HAMSTER'S PORTFOLIO HAS
OUTFORMED BIT KOIP, THE NASDAQ 100 AND THE S&P 500 AND MR. GOXX
DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON BECAUSE HE'S A HAMSTER.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST PART OF THE THE CRYPTOCURRENCY HAM
TER IS, HE DOESN'T SPEND THREE HOURS ON A FIRST DAY TRYING TO
EXPLAIN IT TO YOU.
MOVING ON, A DOG IN OREGON JUST EARNED A AGAIN IS
WORLD-- GUINNESS WORLD RECORD FOR HAVING THE LONGEST EARS
MEASURING 12.38 INCHES.
HERE SHE IS HERE.
LOOK AT THAT.
YEAH, JUDGING BY THE PICTURE THE DOG SEEMS REALLY HAPPY ABOUT THE
WHOLE THING.
THE OWNER SAID SHE KNEW HER DOG'S EARS WERE LONG BUT NEVER
ACTUALLY MEASURED THEM UNTIL THE PANDEMIC.
I MEAN I HAVE BEEN BOARD.
I HAVE BEEN BOARD IN MY LIFE, WE ALL HAD A MOMENT DURING THE
PANDEMIC WHERE WE WERE BOARD.
I HAD NEVER BEEN, SHOULD I MEASURE THE DOG'S EARS BOARD,
WHAT IS THE DUMBEST THING YOU DID AS A REACTION TO BOREDOM
DURING COVID.
>> THERE WAS A CHANGE I WAS AFRAID OF THE ABILITY TO SPEAK
TO PEOPLE SO I STARTED LEARNING OLD THEATER WARMUPS AND STUFF
LIKE THAT.
>> James: REALLY.
>> YEAH.
>> James: LIKE WHAT?
>> ON A DUL DAK DORK ON A AWAITING CONTENTIOUS OF SHORP
CHOP COP ON A BIG BLACK BLOCK.
YEAH.
>> James: WOW.
>> IT DIDN'T MAKE IT ANY EASIER TO TALK TO PEOPLE.
>> James: WELL, IT WOULDN'T, IT WOULDN'T, NO, NOT AT ALL.
BUT THEN EVEN THAT, YOU CAN IMAGINE AT THE END OF DOING THAT
GOING BRRR SHOULD WE MEASURE THE DOG'S EARS.
WHERE IS THAT-- .
>> JAMES.
>> James: WHERE IS THAT TAPE MEASURE?
>> WHY, WOMEN I'M GOING TO MEASURE THE DOG'S EARS.
>> WHY.
>> WHY NOT.
YEAH, THE DOG HAS THE WORLD'S LONGEST EARS.
SURE, BUT CAN THE DOG SPOT A SURE FIRE CRYPTOCURRENCY
INVESTMENT.
THAT IS THE QUESTION.
IN OTHER NEWS EMINEM IS OPENING A RESTAURANT THIS WEEK IN HIS
HOMETOWN OF DETROIT AND ITS NAMED AFTER A FAMOUS LINE FROM
HUNDRED ONE OF HIS SONGS CALLED MOM'S SPAGHETTI, HERE IS HOW IT
WORKS, CUSTOMERS ORDER WITH THE CASHURE AND THEY HAVE TO GIVE
THEIR NAME, DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS SHALL DID SHALL YOU KNOW
WHAT I AM GOING TO DO.
>> YEAH.
>> James: YOU SURE.
>> OH YEAH.
>> James: YOU SURE.
>> I OH YEAH.
>> James: I BET YOU DON'T.
SO THEY WILL WALK TBH AND GO HI, MY NAME IS.
>> WHAT?
>> James: MY NAME IS.
>> WHO.
>> James: MY NAME IS.
>> CHYKA CHYKA GREG JOHNSON.
YOU TRY IT, LOU.
>> YOU DO IT.
>> TRY.
>> GO ON.
I WASN'T REALLY LISTENING.
I WILL BE HONEST.
>> James: I WASN'T REALLY LISTENING.
I WASN'T REALLY-- WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ABOUT?
>> HAVE I NO IDEA.
OBVIOUSLY NO IDEA.
>> James: IS CAN YOU DO WHAT WE JUST DID.
>> WHAT, WHO AND-- .
>> James: THAT IS IT, YOU ARE DOING THE FIRST ONE, WILL DO THE
WHAT IS AND THE WHO, YOU DO THE HI, MY NAME.
>> OH.
HI, MY NAME IS.
>> WHAT.
>> MY NAME IS.
>> WHO.
>> MY NAME IS.
>>, AND THAT IS WHERE I CLICKED OFF.
(APPLAUSE).
>> Reggie: SO GOOD.
>> James: EMINEM ISN'T THE ONLY RAPPER DOING SOMETHING LIKE
THRK DR. DRE HAS JUST OPENED UP A GREAT NEW CHEESE SHOP, IT IS
CALLED NOTHING BUT A BRIE THANKING.
JAY-Z STARTED A WONDERFUL NEW SEAFOOD RESTAURANT CALLED BIG
SHRIMPIN, AND DRAKE HAS OPENED HIS OWN BAKERY AND PASTRY SHOP
CALLED IMOD'S PLAN.
AND FINALLY SCIENTISTS AT THE STANFORD SCHOOL OF MEDICINE HAVE
CREATED A SMART TOILET THAT DID RECOGNIZE WHO IS USING THE
BATHROOM FROM, THIS IS STREU, FROM A SCAN OF THEIR BUM, YES.
>> NO.
>> James: THE TOILET CAN RECOGNIZE WHO IS USING IT, WHICH
DOESN'T REALLY SEEM LIKE INFORMATION A TOILET NEEDS.
THE TOILET'S JOB FUNDAMENTALLY DOESN'T CHANGE WHO IS THERE AND
WHO ISN'T.
CAN YOU IMAGINE SITTING DOWN ON A TOILET AND IMMEDIATELY HEARING
LIKE NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, JAMES.
THE SCIENTISTS SAY THESE TOILETS HAVE CAMERAS INSIDE.
AND IT COULD BE A REVOLUTIONARY HEALTH ADVANCEMENT, AS OPPOSED
TO WHAT HAS HISTORICALLY BEEN A FELONY.
AND THAT, THAT IS THE NEWS.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH KHLOE KARDASHIAN, EVERYBODY.