We're going to begin with more fallout
from the killing of Tyre Nichols,
because the story is certainly not over.
A seventh cop got suspended, and two EMTs,
and a fire truck driver.
They were fired for not helping Tyre fast enough.
But the real side of this story is not going anywhere anytime
soon, is that Tucker Carlson, the grown dude
with the bangs, this dude keeps finding stupid shit to say.
The race riots of 2020, of course,
were never about George Floyd, obviously.
That's why there are no statues of him in American cities.
This dude is so obsessed with Black people,
I'm going to start calling him sickle cell.
Look at the UN, that's not funny!
We need to be clear.
If George Floyd didn't get a statue,
it might be because to get a statue in this country,
you got to do some pretty horrible shit to Black people.
Like, you can get one for slaughtering 300 Black
prisoners during a Civil War.
You can get one for conducting medical experiments
on enslaved Black woman without anesthesia.
And the last guy, he got a statue
without killing Black people, but he did beat
the shit out of Apollo Creed.
That was Rocky, so.
In the end, Drago killed Rocky.
He got a statue.
I was just messing with you.
By the way, I'm sure it'll shock Tucker to know,
that there actually, that George Floyd does have statues
all around the country.
But you didn't recognize them, because that looks
like LeVar Burton right there.
He fell out since he didn't get that Jeopardy gig.
That's crazy.
Are y'all going to be with me or not?
Let's pick a side.
[applause]
You're the UN, you have to pick a side, that's your job.
All right, let's move on to more news.
In the tech world they were layoffs.
Of course, every tech company is letting people go.
There's Amazon, Microsoft, Google, Facebook.
I even saw Siri begging for change in the subway
this morning.
I was like, Alexa, when you get this bitch a quarter, please!
It's crazy.
[applause]
OK, I think I know where the line is now.
And surely there's no good way to fire your employees.
But there's definitely some pretty bad ways,
as one CEO just found out.
The CEO of a tech company based in San Francisco
has posted an apology after she quoted
Martin Luther King Jr. in a layoff letter
sent to employees last week.
PagerDuty CEO Jennifer Tejada sent
the letter to employees announcing
layoffs on Thursday.
Toward the end of the letter, Tejada
closed with the words of Martin Luther King Jr. saying
in part, I am reminded in moments like this of something
Martin Luther King said, that the ultimate measure
of a leader is not where they stand
in the moments of comfort and convenience,
but where they stand in times of challenge and controversy.
Oh!
Who gets fired with Martin Luther King quotes?
Like, I've been to the mountaintop
and they ain't hiring either.
I have a dream and you can too, because ain't
no reason for you to get up early anymore, so.
Free at last, free at last, here's your severance package,
you are free at last.
[applause]
But to be fair, she did find a way to say that she was sorry.
After facing negative feedback,
Tejada posted an apology letter to the company's website,
saying, quote, "There are a number of things.
I would do differently if I could.
The quote I included from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
was inappropriate and insensitive.
I am sorry."
After the King thing didn't work,
she went to the words of Adolf Hitler and said,
I blame the Jews, so.
Hey, come on, mother-mother-[ble I'm not Kanye,
it's just a joke, relax.
Relax.
And speaking of Hitler, there are some people in Ohio
who are getting in big trouble for their ideas
on what to teach children.
Multiple online news sources are reporting that an Ohio
couple was supplying Nazi-approved
material for home schooling.
New details are emerging tonight
about an online channel called Dissident Home School.
The channel already has more than 2,000 subscribers.
According to Yahoo News, it includes ready-made lesson
plans on various subjects, like Confederate General Robert E.
Lee, and Martin Luther King Jr., who they say
is the antithesis of our civilization and our people.
It also includes things like printouts,
so students can learn to write Adolf Hitler
quotes in cursive, and tips to quote,
"avoid Jewish media content."
Wow.
Antithesis, I got a GED.
What does that mean?
I don't want nobody calling me a name I don't understand.
Like, home school kids are already weird enough.
You want to add goose-stepping to the program.
That's crazy.
All right, so for more on this school,
let's go to Desi Lydic, who's live in Ohio.
Desi, how are the parents feeling about this story?
[applause]
[cheering]
They are furious, DL, as am I. These lesson
plans are shocking.
They teach hate.
They teach racism.
They teach cursive!
It's disgusting.
Wait, what, was that last one cursive?
I know!
I know.
Can you imagine in 2023, American children
learning cursive?
It's useless!
The only acceptable time to use cursive
is when you're forging a bank signature.
Wait a minute.
Your problem with the Nazi school
is they're teaching cursive?
Well, I mean, it's not my only problem.
Nazism is one of the world's most evil ideologies.
Yes.
But have you seen cursive, DL?
I mean, look at how you're supposed
to write a Q. What is that?
It's not a Q, it's a 2.
All these Nazis are going to accidentally join 2Anon.
[applause]
And look at the G. It looks like a diagram of my least
favorite sexual position.
You all know the one.
Desi, I think the bigger danger is that the school
is spreading Nazi ideas.
Not if they're writing those ideas out in cursive.
I mean, that's not going to get the message out.
Here, look what I wrote about the Jews.
All I'm saying here is, squiggle,
loop, loop, reverse cowgirl.
What?
Oh, I'm the only one.
Desi.
[applause]
Desi, I don't think cursive is the problem.
I know how to write in cursive.
[gasps]
Like a Nazi?
DL, for your sake, I really hope you've just
been forging bank signatures.
You know what?
Forget it.
Desi Lydic, everyone.